


Hope and Legacy

by Jas1922



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: A few time skips in the earlier chapters that are necessary sorry!, Angst with a Happy Ending, I really tried with the figure skating and ice hockey terms please forgive me!, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kid!Sehun, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor!Baekxing, Minor!Xiuchen, Past Character Death, Past!Chansoo, Physical Disability, Pining, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Terminal illness for minor characters (non-EXO)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-08-23 16:08:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 77,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20245594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jas1922/pseuds/Jas1922
Summary: A former World Champion in need of saving, Kyungsoo lost everything he loved in an accident. Will he find hope in Jongin, a lost boy whose skating dreams threaten to leave him?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Self-Prompt #Everlasting  
Author’s note: I started writing this fic in 2016 after watching Yuri on Ice. I can't believe this has taken me three years of procrastination, distraction and working life getting in the way to finish! If you're looking for a quick fluffy fix, I must say this is not the fic for you. This is a sharing of Kyungsoo and Jongin's tough journey through the years, and how they eventually come to find a future in each other. Don't be confused by the flashbacks to their backstory in the earlier chapters. I left them in because I felt it was necessary for you to know. Without further ado, I hope you can enjoy the fic! Be sure to let me know what you think after finishing ^^

**2016.**

**The Present — ** ** _Kyungsoo_ ** **.**

Silence to some is golden.

But silence to Kyungsoo is grey.

His headphones bring no music, but he wears them all the same.

The collective roar of the crowd that comes the second he completes a routine, the blinding flashes from cameras of world media when he notches yet another season’s best or world record, the shower of flower bouquets and stuffed toys raining down onto the ice when he takes a bow, relieved but satisfied at yet another flawless skate… 

Kyungsoo hears them and sees them all — memories of him smiling, fleeting by like a quick montage and reminiscent of happier times.

Although, not anymore.

He has forgotten how to smile. 

Lost all reason to, that is.

His prime was gone along with memories of crashing, burning and utter pain. At the young age of 22, he had lost everything he held dear and close to heart. Likewise, the figure skating world thought they had lost one of the rare bright stars in their universe.

The sport would always reminisce about the great, and Kyungsoo was great.

If not, the greatest.

Kyungsoo slips his eyes shut and throws an arm over his face. His memories are too bright in the dark world he has built for himself. How they are unattainable now suffocates him.

Back when he was pushing himself to the limits and vying for every title, the amount of pressure his entire country placed on his narrow shoulders had haunted him each and every step of the way. Although, it is quite the different feeling now.

“Hey, excuse me!”

Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows at the sudden voice disrupting his grey and recollection of gold. Although, he does not open his eyes to bother with a response of any kind to the stranger.

“You there, in the center of the rink. I must apologise but the under-10 hockey class is going to start in half an hour and I need to prepare the equipment?” The other makes it sound like a question — his voice gentle and uplifting.

Kyungsoo frowns.

He does not like it. He does not like the contrast this new personality brings, messing up the darkness of a world he has cocooned himself in for the past six months.

“The kids will be coming in with their parents soon.”

The anxiousness is clear in the Hockey Coach’s voice, rendering it to almost a nervous squeak. Perhaps he is at a loss because of Kyungsoo’s prolonged, and he dare say quite intentional, silence.

“I promise you can sleep here all you want after we are done with the lesson. I know the owner of this rink,” the speck of colour speaks even louder, as if he wants to talk over the (non-existent) tunes blasting from Kyungsoo’s headphones.

Kyungsoo ignores him, of course, and soon after, he hears skates scuffing against the ice; the man starting to approach where he lays.

“Can you even hear me? Are you friends with Jongdae hyung? This is a private facility used by the National Team so how did you manage to get in—” 

The voice is not so far away anymore.

He figures the sharp gasp the other lets out, cutting off his own speech, is to be expected. Kyungsoo sighs, slips open his eyes and pushes his upper body up till he sits straight. He does not make an effort to mask the annoyance in his face as he slides his headphones down to hang around his neck.

“W-Wait. You’re D-Doh Kyungsoo.” The stranger’s voice sounds strangled.

He scoffs and darts his eyes up.

A rainbow comes in the form of a handsome young man decked in full ice hockey gear sans the helmet. He thinks the other looks familiar, but he cannot seem to put a name to his face. He is probably someone he knew six months back. But of course, six months back is not something he wants to think about anymore so he lets his curiosity go.

“What are you doing h-here? I thought—”

The  _ “you don’t skate anymore”  _ was clearly meant to follow, but the other probably sees the way Kyungsoo narrows his eyes in hurt and contempt for he cuts himself off and tries to apologise. 

The Hockey Coach rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment, “Sorry, that was rude and uncalled for. I didn’t mean it in that way, I’m—”

“Too loud,” Kyungsoo cuts him off, turns his back on him and starts to make his arduous journey back to the walls of the rink. Over at the entrance, he can already spot a couple of families coming in so he tries to speed up the process.

He does not need  _ or _ want an audience.

“I don’t need your help,” he snaps when he sees raised arms by his side, and when he spares a glance up, he does not feel bad at the way he had made the other man recoil.

But Kyungsoo’s lashing out does not stop the stranger from hovering within an arm’s reach of him.

He sighs and assumes stubbornness is a sickness hard to cure.

When Kyungsoo finally reaches the edge of the ice, he hauls himself up and ignores the many pairs of eyes on him, watching him try to pat dry his pants. Kyungsoo knows they recognise him. Honestly, how could they not when his name had been plastered all over the news previously? He also hears their whispers, but months of experience have taught him not to strain his ears to listen in.

A small boy who looks to be no older than the age of five waddles up to him in his oversized jersey and parks himself right in front of Kyungsoo just then, effectively blocking off his path.

“Woah…” the boy breathes out. “You’re Kyungsoo hyung!” The poor thing can barely stand, needing the help of his short hockey stick to stay balanced on his baby skates.

Kyungsoo stares down at the wide eyes he is met with and at the look of awe he is gifted.

“I love your skating, Kyungsoo hyung. You’re my hero!” The boy beams up at him in all his innocence, but bitterness wells up from within Kyungsoo. He does not need this kind of validation, not anymore. “When I grow up, I want to be a figure skater too. But daddy says figure skating is only for girls, not big boys like—”

“Sehun! Don’t say that—” the Hockey Coach and a woman who is likely the boy’s — Sehun’s — mother reproaches the child. Kyungsoo does not need to look up to see the apologetic and pitiful looks he is receiving from everyone gathered around him.

“Why not, Jongin hyung?” Sehun cocks his head in confusion. “It’s true! I like Kyungsoo hyung the most!” The boy smiles again and grabs onto Kyungsoo’s hands. “Can I get a photo with you, hyung? I’ll paste it beside my bed. I’ve my own bed now… I no longer sleep with mommy and daddy—”

Kyungsoo jerks his hands away from Sehun’s touch, startling the boy. That prompts the Hockey Coach to quickly wrap a protective arm around Sehun and pull him away from Kyungsoo, a deep frown settling on his handsome face.

“I’m no one’s hero,” Kyungsoo fixes the child a look and says in all seriousness, voice cold and lacking in colour. “And I don’t skate. Not anymore.” 

He holds his stare for a heartbeat and glances up at the Hockey Coach one last time before he tightens his grip on the metal framing the wheels of his wheelchair and brings himself away.

When Kyungsoo passes the main doors of the building, the dark clouds hanging in the sky strike more familiarity than the light blinding within. He stares at the heavens for a second and does not forget to send a smile along before he leaves his former heaven and tries to make himself comfortable in this never-ending hell once more.

_ I miss you. Every single day. _

He is not just referring to skating.

~

Kyungsoo turns his head to the side with a defiant look set in his furrowed brows and scowl. In fact, he is one folded arms across his chest away from looking like a petty child giving his parents the silent treatment.

“We cannot help you if you don’t help yourself first, Kyungsoo.” He hears his friend let out a small sigh before a warm hand settles over his two clasped ones resting in his lap. He does his best to calm down and to stop his fingers from trembling.

The psychologist kneels in front of his wheelchair and forces Kyungsoo to meet her eyes with a squeeze around his hands. Although a gentle touch, the meaning behind her words winds up to deliver a hard punch.

“I see from your medical records that your body reacted well when Yixing and his team treated you with a high dosage of methylprednisolone right after the operation. Your lower body isn’t totally paralysed, Kyungsoo. You actually have a 60% chance of recovery, and I quite like the odds. If you undergo rehabilitation, I’m not saying you can go back to your professional skating days, but you may be able to walk again and—” 

“What’s the point then, Joohyun?” he fixes the other a look and watches as her face falls sharply. Perhaps she knows this attempt to convince him to undergo further treatment and rehabilitation will be yet another failure. By now, he has lost count of the number of times they have tried.  _ Seriously _ , why have they not given up like he has?

Joohyun opens, closes and opens her mouth again. She must not know why he is being so uncooperative when all the clinic staff only has his best interests at heart.

“The point I’m trying to convey,” she tries again, “is that you may be able to walk again. You can get your life back, Kyung—”

“You don’t get it,” he raises his voice and cuts the other off mid-speech. “Skating and him were my life! Skating and him were my everything!” He shakes the psychologist’s hand off and wheels himself backward to put some distance between them, to get away from the taunts of the devil — the horrible reminder that he is left with nothing worth living for. “I cannot get the both of them back anymore, so I ask you again… what’s the point?”

“Kyungsoo, please,” Joohyun inches herself forward this time, voice desperate. But she slaps a palm over her own mouth and pauses when he backs up even more, a frantic look in his eyes now. “It’s going to be okay, Kyungsoo.” There are tears in her eyes at this point, her friend’s pain doing its fair part to paint her a victim as well.

The dark world Kyungsoo has built around himself threatens to capitulate.

“It isn’t going to be okay. Stop saying that! Why do you all keep saying that? Baekhyun, Junmyeon, Yixing… and now you. I hate that you all keep saying that!” he cries out.

Kyungsoo balls his hands into fists and lashes out at his thighs repeatedly. “Stupid, useless legs,” he growls. Joohyun gasps and rushes forward to grab his hands, clinging them to her chest in a desperate attempt to get him to stop. The strength he uses to hit himself actually jolts the woman’s entire body back and forth as she tries to hold on.

He only stops and slumps in his seat when he notices he is hurting Joohyun. The psychologist lets go as well and stays on the floor, staring up at her friend with sadness,  _ not pity _ , in her eyes. Because they all know how well he does with accepting pity (which is not very well at all).

This is not Kyungsoo. This is a shell of the man that was once, and still is, highly regarded as the greatest male figure skater of all time — a prodigy who had won every great accolade the sport had to offer by the time he reached the age of 20.

The golden boy was still considered a newbie when he had stolen the limelight from all the seasoned professionals at the 2013 World Championships in London, Ontario. With a name no one knew sans his own countrymen who had been following the boy’s rise up the ranks from his junior debut to senior debut, from regionals and then to nationals, Doh Kyungsoo placed well enough in a series of Grand Prix to earn himself a coveted spot in the Grand Prix of Figure Skating Final in Sochi in 2012.

A dark horse, everyone called him — an unreckoned force that swept the competition and blew every watching eye away. His inexperience showed when he attempted not one but two risky quadruple lutz to add to his other four quads in the free skate. He stumbled on the landing but stayed on his feet, thankfully. Still, silver was well enough an achievement and a well-deserved recognition of the vast potential the youngster had for the future.

It was his first step to an endless promise of hope and legacy.

Kyungsoo’s exploits in Sochi had earned him a wildcard spot in the Four Continents Championships back in his home nation, South Korea, and he only grew in leaps and bounds. He took to the ice in a real flourish, answering all his critics with a stunning performance in both the short programme and free skate to steal the title from the reigning world champion.

It could only mean a one-way ticket to the World Championships. The sport’s calendar has always been tough as skaters struggle to recover fast after every high-intensity competition, but with his brilliant form and raw energy, he swept everyone away with his stunning, world-record performances in Canada to earn gold yet again and be finally crowned  _ King Kyungsoo _ .

The world title was not his last, because month in month out, till years passed, he commanded the scene and put up performances worthy of stealing the hearts of the world. Kyungsoo won every single competition he took part in after winning his first world championship title. It had built him up really nicely for the 2014 Sochi Olympics, the only jewel missing in his crown, and it is there where he eventually reached for the sun and got the stars.

But dreams, good ones especially, often come at a price.

He wonders if he deserves his ending at all.

The truck simply came out of nowhere one November night in 2015, barrelling into their vehicle and turning their mini karaoke session into actual screams of horror instead of bad rapping attempts.

Kyungsoo remembers that night clearly. Honestly, how can he not when the nightmare beckons every time he tries to sleep, pulling him into its trap, poisoning his mind with dark thoughts to simply end it all.

He hears from his sister and Junmyeon a couple of days after he wakes up to white ceilings and the distinct smell of chemicals in the ward that he had been flung out of his front passenger seat and onto the asphalt upon impact. Three broken ribs, a bruised lung and a high-impact injury to his L3 and L4 lumbar nerves in his spinal cord would condemn him to a changed life.

The pair in the backseat were more fortunate to come away with only bruising and a sprained wrist on Seulgi’s part.

Kyungsoo had spent more than half a day in the operating theatre battling for his life with half the world watching and his loyal fans crying and praying.

Now that he survived, he is not so sure he wants to live on anymore.

Everyone seemed to skirt around the topic of Chanyeol when he always asked where the other was. He knew his boyfriend must have suffered the worst from the crash because the truck came in from the driver’s side of the car. He spent every lucid moment waiting for the other to fill the empty bed beside his, before he submitted to the pull of his drowsy meds and sleep. 

He faintly remembered someone lacing their fingers together with his, caressing his knuckles with their thumb, just like how Chanyeol used to. When he looked up, the smile on the other’s face was as radiant as the day Kyungsoo had agreed to go out with him. He could not hear what Chanyeol was saying, but from the way the latter’s lips curled around his words, he could easily make out his favourite words — three to warm his heart. 

But when Kyungsoo woke up, the bed beside his was still empty, and he wondered if he had imagined it all.

Days go by, he did not know how many, and he grew impatient the longer he waited. The constant pain in his chest had not subsided even after rounds of remedies. In fact, the foreboding feeling grew until it suffocated him from the inside.

His family and friends continued to ignore addressing the elephant in the room whenever they came around to visit, but Kyungsoo was smart enough to read between the silent conversations why everyone always made sure the television in the room remained turned off.

Perhaps the only reason why he had held onto hope for so long stemmed from longing.

Chanyeol’s family visited him one evening and Kyungsoo saw the answer for himself in the way his boyfriend’s parents looked at him, and when Yoora cried while handing over a small red velvet box to him.

He had finally broken down in tears and would remain inconsolable for months because he knew that it should have been Chanyeol slipping the band onto his ring finger, and not his memories of him.

Kyungsoo would have said yes in a heartbeat, but now he cried in vain to the hole in his heart and the four walls looking down on him, like they were mocking his loss. Even the moment when he heard the diagnosis from the doctors about the permanent paralysis in his legs paled in comparison to the realisation that he would never get to see and hold Chanyeol again.

It felt lonely being abandoned by the lights that used to shine meaning on his world. Both his love and dreams flew to a place too high up for Kyungsoo to reach while sitting in his wheelchair. Instead, he could only stay grounded in the grey he reckons is his hell.

~


	2. Chapter 2

**2013.**

**The Past — ** ** _Jongin_ ** **.**

It was never meant to be a race between the pair of brothers as to who would be able to accomplish more in their life or who would make their parents prouder. After all, one’s journey to nature’s finishing line should not be set in the context of how one’s life fares in comparison to others. Right? To each his own.

Although three years apart, Jongin and Jongdae enjoyed the closest of relationships between siblings. Even in their growing years, they got along well with little to no discord between them, largely because they pursued different interests.

Jongdae took after their father and tried his hand at several sports from a young age, while Jongin shared his beloved mother’s love for dance, in particular, contemporary and ballet.

They ran on parallel tracks and they  _ conquered _ .

Jongin used to pretend he was reaching for the stars hanging from the dance studio’s ceiling at every leap and pirouette — his dreams achievable.

“Did you smile today, my baby?” His mother used to ask him the same question whenever she came to pick him up at four o’clock on the dot in the late afternoon, when the ten-year old would be waiting for her by the dance academy’s front porch to fetch him to the rink for his beginner figure skating class. His younger self would always be exhausted, sweaty, but undeniably happy after dancing.

Without fail, he would nod and pat himself on the back. “I earned another feather today, mommy.” He would grin up at her before standing on his tiptoes to kiss her cheek. Just a couple of years more and he would match her height easily. His mother had always been a frail and petite woman.

“My angel Jongin would take to the skies soon then!” she would always reply with, adjusting the scarf tied around her head before she grabbed onto his hand tightly, as if she wanted to say more, but eventually leading him away without saying anything. “You’re growing up so fast. Mommy will always be there with my baby. Even when you spread your wings and fly, Jongin, when you stand on the big stage next time, mommy will always be with you. Look for me in the stars okay?”

“Okay. Promise?” His naivety had allowed him to see past her sunken cheeks and the tired lines drawn across her face. Instead, Jongin would convince himself she spoke the truth because of the twinkles in her eyes — like the stars in the dance studio, they are entrancing. With her encouragement, he felt like he could grow up to do anything.

It is one day, several months later, that he derived the conclusion that his mother had lied to him when the watch strapped on his wrist showed the time 4:30pm and she was still nowhere to be found. He was late for his figure skating lessons now. They were going to learn basic jumps today and he was really looking forward to it because they reminded him of pirouettes in dance class and he always does such a great job with those.

Jongdae would tell him later that their mommy had been suffering from breast cancer for a long time, and that she is much happier where she is now. Whatever that meant, he does not understand. 

It was that day that Jongin understood happiness could be a deceptive word.

The day he buried his mother, he had stayed up late at night staring out of his window. He had looked up to the sky and noted that even the distance between him and the clearest, nearest star he saw put to shame the distance between him and  _ say  _ the streetlight found down the road.

By the streetlight, right at the start of the alley, is a famous bathhouse their family frequents. Jongin remembered he used to complain whenever his parents dragged him and Jongdae there to get a body scrub after a day out playing under the hot sun because it was a long and uphill walk. The distance no longer seemed far to him in comparison to the star he cannot reach, and he had eventually let the muffled cries he heard from his parents’ bedroom lull him to sleep.

His dreams were not so attainable anymore after his mother passed away.

It had hurt too much for Jongin’s father to send him back to learn ballet, and his figure-skating lessons had eventually stopped as well. Jongin was in the house when Ms Song, one of the academy’s instructors, had called to check why he had been missing his lessons, and what he saw scared him immensely. For someone Jongin and his brother look up to for being strong, charismatic and dependable, his father’s broken and forlorn figure throughout the duration of the call contradicted everything he knew and was used to — he looked a figure of someone who had lost everything and was on the verge of giving up.

Even in the painful silence that had followed the dropped call and the dull notes echoing in the living room, Jongin was afraid to call attention to himself hiding behind the counter because he knew that just his face could trigger a breakdown on his father’s part. Besides his strong physical resemblance to his mother, everything he stood for reminded the family so much of their loss, and in the early days of her passing, they needed a temporary fix to patch the hole in their hearts.

Jongin was not prepared to lose his father too, so it was to no one’s surprise that he next found himself gearing up and stepping onto the ice with a different pair of skates and a hockey stick in his hand when finally they tried to make a feeble attempt at restarting their daily lives some months of grieving later.

“Ice hockey is fun, Jongin. You’re a boy, you should love this more than dancing and figure-skating—” his father would choke up at the memory of his late wife before sending Jongin onto the ice with a rough shove at his shoulder. “Just don’t look back anymore. This is all we have left.”

Ice hockey was the only thing his family was left with that tied them all together so no one would be missed ever again. Soon, months rolled into years and he no longer remembered which compartment of his drawers did he hide away his ballet flats.

Jongin does not admit he still thinks about leaps and stars occasionally. He misses them both. 

He misses dance, but more so, he misses his mother.

~

“You need to pick up the pace going into the boards behind the goal to draw the defenseman to you, Jongin. Go, try again! Time your run properly, Woobin. Remember, you only have one shot at this in a real game situation before the big man in goal has his far post covered. Go, go. Let’s go!” Coach Kim blows the whistle hanging around his neck, and the shrill noise forces Jongin to push off the ice and sprint after his line mates at once.

He can barely hear from under his helmet. His exhausted pants are all he can focus on, and the furious sound of his blades cutting through the ice at top speed, of course.

“Not fast enough. Didn’t you see how Jongdae did it just now? Your line’s chemistry isn’t working. Sort it out before I break up this fucking line!” 

Jongin sighs and shakes his head in despondence. That comparison with the elder again. He was going as fast as he could, for goodness sake. The years he has played the sport competitively has cultivated an unhealthy strain in the relationship between him and his brother. He knows Jongdae has no fault for it is often the coaching staff who compares their abilities, but it does not mean it hurts any less because he knows he can only wish to be half the forward Jongdae is.

Jongin is good, but his older brother has always been better. That is just the way it is. Being second best and constantly being called out for it in front of the entire team and coaching staff has crippled his confidence and planted seeds of doubt in his mind.

“Switch in position,” he calls out to his line mate before he abandons his spot shielding the goalie up top and darts behind the goal. He feels the hard stare to the side of his face and imagines the ready frown on the Coach’s face, judging his decision. Jongin knows it before he even sees it play out — their timing is off again. Woobin is a fraction of a second too late sliding into the empty hole between the two defensemen in front of the goal and that upsets the whole balance of the play.

_ _

_ Oh boy, this is going to hurt.  _ Jongin controls the puck with his stick and bites down on his mouth guard, watching as a senior player bears down on him. He has no one to pass to for the defense has executed their play to a t.  _ Fuck me.  _ He braces himself.

Even in training, they go all out, and Jongin’s body is slammed unforgivingly against the glass wall. The sound of a shrill whistle pierces the air as he stays crouched, winded from the impact.

“Line 3, get out of my sight!” Coach Kim yells and hurls his clipboard to the ground. He is frustrated, understandably so. They have a major competition coming up in just a couple of months and the team is still far from prepared. Or perhaps it was just Jongin’s line not living up to the standards of the first two.

Jongin picks himself up and skates over to the players’ bench, his thick shoulder pads doing nothing to hide how deflated he feels. He is upset with himself and he cannot kill the thought blossoming in his mind that he is a disappointment to his family and his father.

There were occasions when he doubted his self-worth, when some of his new teammates threw him questioning glances when he messed up a play. He knows what they might have thought —  _ were we wrong about him? Maybe he is not as good as we thought  _ — but he assumed his years of hard work would have already proven that he deserved a place in the team.

Perhaps, they could see his heart was not in it as time went by. He himself  _ knows  _ his heart is gradually losing faith.

“You okay?” Jongdae shoots him a worried glance when he passes by, to which Jongin replies him with a grunt before the former’s attention is taken by the start of a new drill.

Jongin plants himself on the bench and takes in a big gulp of Gatorade.

“I’m really sorry, Jongin. I promise I’ll work harder!” Woobin comes up to him and settles down on the adjacent row. The other has little experience but he had impressed when they held tryouts to find replacements for some of the veterans in the team who had retired from international competitions last year, one of whom was Jongin’s former partner. Naturally, they were paired together because they were about the same age.

“It’s not your fault. Don’t worry about it,” he reassures Woobin. The other is even younger than him. He will learn. “I’m just more used to playing alongside Shinhyun hyung. I’ll match your speed across the ice from now on,” Jongin says.

He receives a grateful pat on the shoulder from Woobin next, before the latter walks off. He pops the lock at the side of his helmet and runs his fingers through his messy bed of hair. With a dismissal like that from the Coach, it is unlikely that he will need to take to the ice again. Also, they have  _ what  _ five minutes left for practice?

“Bad day?” A gentle voice interrupts his thoughts and Jongin tears his eyes away from Jongdae’s form to look behind him. He must have been really out of it if he had not noticed the man making his way down the steps and settling down behind him.

“Minseok hyung,” he nods in greeting. “More tired than anything,” he admits.

“Are you tired in the physical sense because you’ve just spent the past few hours training, or… do you mean to say you are tired of all these hockey business?” Minseok cocks his head and gives him a knowing look.

In an instant, Jongin goes slack-jaw. He did not know his feelings were that transparent. He thought he had kept a good lid over it.

Minseok must see the panic flashing by in his eyes. “Sometimes you forget how long I’ve been with your brother,” the other sighs and trains his eyes on the ice, but Jongin continues to stare at his side profile. “I’ve known you from when you were a kid, Jongin. I mean, you’re practically still a kid now… I’ve seen you at your practices over the past months. You’re easy to read.”

“I don’t know what you’re insinuating, hyung.”

“Oh, I think you do,” Minseok places his hand on Jongin’s knee and smiles at him.

It takes a good couple of minutes before he hangs his head in submission. Perhaps speaking to someone else about his worries would help, and Minseok is one of the most level-headed people he knows. If anyone can give fair advice, it will be him.

“I thought I liked hockey, hyung,” Jongin swallows hard. “Or more accurately, I thought I would grow to like it. But nowadays, I just feel so overwhelmed by it all that it feels a distant wish to be as good as Jongdae or as our father ever was.” He looks over at Minseok who sends him an encouraging nod in reply. He cannot say how grateful he is for the other’s calm reaction. He has never spoken about his worries to anyone, and now that he has let someone in, he feels slight relief from having kept the weight on himself all these while.

“At times, the pressure just gets to me and I don’t really know what to do. What should I do, hyung?”

Minseok clears his throat and looks to the ice uneasily. “Well, your brother is probably going to murder me for even suggesting this at this busy juncture, but I wil say… you sound like you need a break, Jongin.”

He frowns.

“Take a step back to find your passion because it seems to me that your heart is not really convinced of your path,” the elder opines. “You’re 17, Jongin. And I know I’m no expert, but it seems like you’re going to suffer burnout at this rate, even before you hit the peak of your professional career.”

“B-But I cannot just stop playing, my father will flip. Even Jongdae will have something to say, I reckon.” Jongin exclaims. “I don’t think my condition is that bad—” He could already imagine the chaos if his father and brother were to hear of his worries, and even though he has thought about quitting hockey, the truth is he remains scared.

_ Also, what will I have left if I give up ice hockey?  _ Will his family turn their backs on him then? 

“Hey, it’s just my opinion.” Minseok interjects and holds up his hands in mock surrender. “Maybe a break is what will heal you, Jongin. Don’t live life by someone else’s expectations, take ownership of your future. Just a short rest, and who knows, maybe you will eventually find your passion for this sport.”

“And what if I don’t?” Jongin whispers. “What if I don’t want to come back to hockey?”

“You move on.” Minseok pats him on the knee. “I care about your well-being, and I know your family does too. They will understand your choice.”

_ But will they, really? _

Jongin opens his mouth to rebut, but he is interrupted by the Coach’s whistle. He looks over helplessly.

“Okay, gather round. Let us wrap up for today,” Coach Kim yells.

Minseok takes it as his cue to pop up off the bench and help Jongin to his feet. “If it comes down to that, I know it’s going to be hard and it will take plenty of courage, but you need to do the right thing, Jongin — you move on. Just think about this, will you?” the elder jerks his head to the side and nudges him to go join his teammates.

Jongin’s mind is still distracted when he comes to stand beside his brother.

“I saw you with Minseok,” Jongdae pokes him on his side, but he does well to hold in his squeak. “What were you planning with my boyfriend?” the other takes the opportunity to whisper to him when the Coach addresses the goalies standing to the front of the group. There is a suspicious look on Jongdae’s face, although he perks up when he sees Minseok giving him a short wave from the bench.

“Nothing,” Jongin replies innocently with a small shrug of his shoulders. He knows his brother does not buy it one second from the way he narrows his eyes at him. “For goodness sake, I’m not trying to steal him away from you if that’s what you’re thinking,” he groans.

“Oh,” Jongdae hums before a smirk makes its way onto his face. “Yeah, that will be impossible because why would he trade fabulous me for you?” He leans on his hockey stick in an attempt to pose coolly, only to almost fall as it slides away. It makes Jongin snort.

“Minseok hyung was just asking me about how training went, and I told him how horrible I’ve been. That’s about it. Are you guys hanging out later?”

“Oh come off it. You’re just in a slump currently, your form will pick up again,” his brother comforts him. Luckily, it seems Jongin’s words have dispelled whatever doubt the other had as to what he was speaking to Minseok about. “I wanted to catch a movie with Minseok later, but we know the Four Continents Skating Championships is also on at the Olympic Hall in the late afternoon so we’re planning to go cheer on a junior of ours instead. We couldn’t go yesterday because training ended late. He’s an old friend. Do you want to come with us? I’m sure it isn’t too late for Minseok to get a spare ticket for you.”

A blank look settles on Jongin’s face.

“The Four  _ what  _ skating championships?” he asks.

“Four Continents, it’s figure skating.” Jongdae replies so matter-of-factly it catches Jongin by surprise. “A close friend of ours from Hanhwa is competing. Come watch! It’s going to be so exciting. He is a superstar.” Jongdae looks so proud of his social circle the way he flaunts it. Jongin rolls his eyes. Last he knew, his brother only had one friend, who also happened to be his boyfriend — Minseok.  _ Sad, really. _

He is familiar with the name of the sports university his brother attends. In fact, he himself would be enrolled there come summer. But as for the sport… He draws a blank.

“Since when were you into figure skating? Also, I know next to nothing about it… maybe you should count me out,” Jongin says hesitantly. After all, he has long given that interest up. He knows the name Kim Yuna, he knows a friend who skates and the names of some spins from random videos he chanced upon in between studying hockey videos on YouTube, but that is all.

“Oh  _ come on _ , just join us! Take it as an eye-opener or something,” Jongdae nudges his shoulder. “To be honest, I was expecting more of a reaction from you because didn’t you used to dance and skate when you were little? You were always so happy after classes.”

“Yeah…” Jongin mumbles, “but that was a really long time ago and I never went past learning the basics for figure skating.”

_ _

_ Why is Jongdae bringing this up now? _ He frowns, confusion marring his features temporarily.

“Moving on to the attacking plays.” Coach Kim raises his voice and looks in the direction of the forwards. Jongin feels his brother stand a little bit straighter, while he himself freezes, but not because of the piercing eyes that greet him, rather his mind keeps replaying what Jongdae had said earlier.

_ _

_Didn’t you used to dance and skate when you were little?_ _You were always so happy after classes._

“Yes, I did…” he mutters to himself. The answer to Jongdae’s question was a definite yes. Jongin skated and danced when he was little. It was all he did when he was younger, before his mother left, that is.

He cannot believe he forgot how happy he used to be attending classes.

Something stirs from the depth of his heart and mind, almost as if an invisible line he had tried to stay away from all these while has just been crossed. Jongin has not been reminded of his childhood memories in a really long time, and he had been doing well forgetting.

Well, apparently, not anymore. 

“It was a good piece of improvisation when you dummied Jongmin earlier, Captain,” Coach Kim commends Jongdae. “Might be hard to replicate the play in a real game situation, but Jongin, Minhyuk, see if you can practice the turn Jongdae did while Woobin blocks off their offense.”

Jongin snaps out of his reverie at the mention of his name, and the Coach must see his reaction and takes it for something else for he adds on some words of encouragement.

“Don’t be disheartened by your mistakes, Jongin and Woobin.” Jongin swallows hard and schools his expression. “I know an important game is coming up in a few months, and that has put some pressure on you youngsters. But don’t let it knock you off your strides. Stay focused, alright? I need my team to be sharp.”

“Yes, sir!” the team replies with equal fervor and they are soon dismissed for the day.

This timely reminder of the upcoming game is another reason why he finds it hard to accept Minseok’s advice to take a break from the sport to find himself. He forces himself to drop the thoughts of his past. 

“We’re heading out, Coach.” Jongdae wraps his arm around Jongin’s shoulder and steers them toward the said man.

“Don’t have too much fun. Remember we still have fitness training at 7am tomorrow,” the elder acknowledges them with a noncommittal grunt before he pauses in jotting down notes on his clipboard and glances up. “Although— shouldn’t you be staying back to work on your stick work, Jongin? I expect you to be more diligent, and to match your brother’s standard of play,” the Coach fixes him a stern look.

The words cut Jongin deeper than any fall on naked ice will cut him, and he takes an involuntary step away from Jongdae.

“I’m sorry,” he hangs his head. “I’ll get right back to work on—”

“Oh come on! Let Jongin live a little,” his brother cuts him off with a laugh and links their arms together this time around. “We’ll just come in an hour earlier tomorrow if that makes you happy. Bye now.” He tries not to budge when Jongdae tugs at his arm to leave, but the latter is not but persistent, finally getting his way and forcing him off the ice.

Jongin glances back worriedly, but Coach Kim has already turned his back on them and was making his way up the stairs towards his small office on the second floor.

“Don’t think too much about it, Jongin. He has always been hard on you. Wash up, and I will see you down in the lobby in roughly ten minutes.” Jongdae pats him on the back and gives him a wide smile before disappearing down the tunnel to the changing room. But Jongin cannot find it in himself to return the other’s smile and his jovial mood. He frowns and stares after his brother’s back.

In fact, he is a little put off by how Jongdae is taking this matter so lightly — that the other did not deny the Coach’s criticism of him and how he had so casually brushed away the insecurities Jongin has harboured for so long, those of him not being good enough.

He has worked hard all these years, but every time someone says something along these lines and chip away at his confidence, he wonders if it is worth it to persevere on this path. He blinks away the tears of injustice that had sprung to his eyes and makes his way down the tunnel.

The road ahead is dimmed by the narrow walls and sparse lighting. If not for the years he has walked down the same tunnel to the locker room, it almost seems like there is no light at the end of it at all.

~

“I cannot believe you’ve never heard of Doh Kyungsoo, Jongin!” Jongdae shakes his head disappointedly. “The whole country is talking about him!” he says from the front passenger seat.

“Is he a good skater? I’m only familiar with the name Kim Yuna,” Jongin yawns and props his head against the window of Jongdae’s Volkswagen. The late afternoons after training are the worst because his body aches will start to settle in and sleep will beckon. He is starting to regret tagging along with his brother and his boyfriend to watch a skating competition. The comfort of his warm bed is very tempting now, and he thinks he much prefers that and the silence of his room over the noisy fans in the Olympic hall later.

“Is he a good skater?” Jongdae mimics his words, but in typical troll fashion, face contorting in an exaggerated manner as he draws the words out. “Can you believe the words coming out of his mouth right now,” he turns to Minseok, who was driving them to the venue, to complain.

“Jongin has never had a break outside of hockey and high school, so cut him some slack for not knowing,” the other chastises his boyfriend. Jongin meets Minseok’s eyes in the rear-view mirror. He did catch the underlying hook beneath the other’s words so he gives him a warning look. This is not a topic he wants discussed right under Jongdae’s nose.

Thankfully, Minseok decides not to pursue it. “Given that many expect Kim Yuna to retire after the Winter Olympics next year, you can say Kyungsoo is our up and coming national hero,” he says instead.

Jongin widens his eyes and lets out a sound to show he is impressed.  _ So, that good huh?  _ He wonders why he has not heard about this Kyungsoo guy if he is all that great.

_ _

“Your brother also swears by his biggest fan,” Minseok rolls his eyes.

“I just love him so much,” Jongdae gushes and turns around in his seat to tell him with a proud smile. But at the raise of his eyebrows, his brother quickly clarifies. “But not in  _ that  _ way! Minnie—”

Jongin retches when Jongdae clings onto his boyfriend’s arm and rubs his face against it. “You know I still love you the most, right?” Used to Jongdae’s antics, Minseok merely grunts and tries to shake off the weight on his arm so he can drive properly.

Watching this from the backseat, Jongin cannot help but smile at the sight. The couple has been together for years now, probably since when he was in elementary school and they in middle, and he has never witnessed them fighting. It is clear their love and understanding for each other runs deep. He really admires their relationship and he feels envious sometimes because he is reminded that he has no one to call his own.

“Just don’t blurt out how much you love Kyungsoo in front of him again.”

“Excuse you—” From the dash of red on Jongdae’s cheeks, Jongin figures his brother must be feeling embarrassed, so he leans forward in his seat to hear better. Typical sibling behaviour,  _ really _ — to pounce on any potential blackmail material. “That was one time!” Jongdae pulls away from Minseok and slaps the other on the shoulder weakly. “And I was just trying to make him feel better after his silver medal,” he mumbles this, and Jongin is unconvinced that is the truth.

“You practically shouted  _ Oh my god, I love you so much!  _ in his face,” Minseok continues to tease. “He’s our friend but I swear I wanted to punch him right there and then in his cute, perfect face… that was until I was reminded of his boyfriend, who is honestly the best guy  _ ever _ , so I felt better because why will Kyungsoo settle for someone like you right?”

Jongdae grumbles under his breath and sinks deeper into his seat, not even rebutting, and Jongin joins Minseok in laughing at him. The latter means the subtle diss as a mere joke, and Jongdae must know this because Jongin watches his brother squeeze Minseok’s hand back when the latter reaches over to hold his — a mark of reassurance.

It is a sweet moment, but Jongin also values his life and reckons it is unsafe for Minseok to be driving with only one hand so he raises his concerns (only to get shut down pretty quickly by Jongdae stuffing his hand in his mouth). In the end, he can only settle back in the backseat with a pout on his face.  He should really have gone home when he had the chance.

They arrive at the Olympic hall shortly after a brief spell of traffic and quickly join the crowd heading in.

“How is Junmyeon going to pass you our tickets when he’s probably preparing Kyungsoo right now?” Jongdae asks Minseok when the latter pulls them aside near the ticketing booth.

Jongin tunes out the pair’s conversation and looks around, amazed at what he sees. Somehow, he feels more awake than before now. It is his first time entering the Olympic hall, not as a player but as a member of the public watching from the stands, and there is certainly a different buzz in the atmosphere that gets him excited too, even though he is not a follower of the sport.

Just the grandeur of it all draws him in.

He affords several members of the public who recognise him shy smiles and slight bows. The National Ice Hockey Team is not particularly famous in their country yet; not as hyped as some of the other sports like football, taekwondo and figure skating. But they do still have some loyal fans who follow them to overseas competitions for support.

Feeling awkward as he watches people in the crowd glance over at the three guys loitering by the ticketing booth, he quickly turns back to Jongdae and Minseok. “Are we heading in soon? It seems like the competition is about to start,” he says.

“Yeah, we’re just waiting on—” Jongdae is interrupted by a shout of his and Minseok’s names, and they all turn around collectively.

The man who comes to a stop in front of them is tall and very handsome. Apparently, he is also extremely friendly because after greeting Jongdae and Minseok with big hugs, he shakes Jongin’s hand and draws him into one too despite this being the first time they are meeting.

“Jongin, Chanyeol. Chanyeol, this is Jongin, my baby brother,” Jongdae introduces them to each other.

He smiles shyly and greets the other with a soft, “nice to meet you,” to which, Chanyeol beams back and starts leading them to the VIP entrance of the hall.

“How is Kyungsoo feeling?” Minseok asks.

Chanyeol snorts and glances back at him. “After what happened during the short programme yesterday, I can say he’s absolutely flying right now. He’s going last today so that’s why I have some time to bring you guys around now.”

“I saw his skate yesterday and it was _phenomenal_!” Jongdae gushes and sidles up to Chanyeol. “I was so upset I couldn’t make time to come watch yesterday.” Walking behind the pair, Minseok glances over at Jongin and makes a face. Jongin laughs. “He deserved the world record for his short programme. The judges robbed him, seriously— _Oh_, there he is!” Jongdae pauses his ramble and points up at the huge individual banners of the skaters hanging from the high ceiling outside the hall.

Jongin can finally put a face to the name  _ Doh Kyungsoo _ , and he finds himself staring at wide eyes, thick eyebrows and lips to die for — thick and quirked at the edges, resembling a smirk. The young man is handsome, he admits.

He also looks confident, like he is here to win. The gaze in his eyes practically screaming determination. _ He will probably win _ , Jongin thinks. He sees so many fans heading into the hall carrying placards with the skater’s name and face — something they do not quite see in ice hockey matches. The most fan support he ever got at one of the ice hockey team’s games was a young girl holding up an A4 paper, with the words  _ Jongin  _ _ Oopa _ _ Oppa Marry Me  _ scribbled in crayon one time, and that was it. He was actually quite flattered by it really.

But this is something else altogether.

“There he is,” Chanyeol nods and smiles up at the blown-up picture with a fond look in his eyes before continuing down the hallway, past banners of other top skaters from across the world. “And there is Baek.” At the blank look on Jongin’s face, the other laughs and adds. “Baekhyun is Kyungsoo’s training partner and best friend,” he explains.

_ Oh…  _ Jongin nods and looks up at the other’s banner. This Baekhyun guy is handsome too, he finds. His brother and Minseok also seem to know who this is as well.  _ Perhaps another junior of theirs from Hanhwa? _

“Are they the only two Koreans in today’s competition?” Jongin asks, and when he receives three nods and a resounding  _ “yes!”  _ from Jongdae, he smiles. He knows who to cheer for then — Koreans, they are as patriotic as one can get.

They clear security easily with Chanyeol’s help and an usher quickly leads them to their seats. Apparently, the warm-ups are over and the first skater will have to take to the ice soon. The walk around the circumference of the rink really emphasises how massive the place is. 

“I need to go now,” Chanyeol parts with them when they finally settle in their seats — good ones too for they are in a little booth of their own, a little separated from the rest of the general public, but yet they still have a good central view of the entire rink. “See you guys at the after party?” He winks and waves at them before rushing away, only raising a thumbs-up in the air in response to Jongdae who had yelled after him to convey his “good luck!” to Kyungsoo and Baekhyun.

“Baekhyun is going fourth last,” Jongdae points out the order on the huge digital board overhead shortly after. “If only he didn’t touch the ice on his last quad yesterday, he would have come into today’s free skate in the top three,” he tells Minseok who hums and pats his head when he leaned it against his shoulders.

Jongin raises his eyebrows. He feels a little weirded out that his brother seems to know so much about figure skating because how and when did this happen? He has no clue. “Where’s Chanyeol going?” he blurts out, because he feels a little left out now that he is left alone with  _ the couple _ .

“To Kyungsoo,” Minseok states matter-of-factly. “He’s not really coaching staff, but he’s still allowed in the skater’s holding room because each skater is allowed the company of two others. Kyungsoo only has his Coach, Junmyeon, so…” the other shrugs and claps when the first skater is introduced. “Chanyeol always gives the excuse that he’s there to accompany Junmyeon, but we all know he’s really there to calm Kyungsoo down.”

_ Oh.  _ Jongin does not know why he only draws the connection now that Chanyeol must be the boyfriend of Kyungsoo they were previously talking about.

“They’re good for each other,” Minseok adds. “A great pair.”

That statement catches the attention of Jongdae. “But not as great a couple as us, Minnie. Right?” Jongin retches again when his brother wraps his arms around Minseok’s shoulder and leans in to kiss the other on his cheek. “Right?” Jongdae whines when Minseok struggles to get out of his reach.

Jongin sighs and scoots as far away as he possibly can from the public display _ s _ of affection before paying attention to the first skater as music starts to fill the hall. He does not know what to expect really, having not sat through a full figure skating programme before.

What he  _ does _ know is that his life after today would never be the same again after watching the Russian athlete execute his first jump. It was magnificent, and he finds himself on the edge of his seat by the end of the performance, eyes shining with the hope of endless possibilities and heart beating as passionately as it once did a long,  _ long _ time ago.

~


	3. Chapter 3

“Oh my god, I’m so nervous! Why am I so nervous?” Jongdae grabs onto Minseok’s hand.

Jongin is really glad the other is sitting between him and his brother because the way Jongdae is squeezing his hand looks painful. Minseok glances over at him and his eyes practically scream  _ help me _ , but Jongin can only shrug in the  _ you were the one who asked him to be your boyfriend so live with it  _ way and trains his eyes on the next person making his way onto the ice. He also sees Chanyeol and another man in the National Team’s jacket, probably the Coach — Junmyeon, coming to a stop at the edge of the rink to watch.

“And now, representing the Republic of South Korea, Doh Kyungsoo! Performing Hope and Legacy!”

The roar around the hall is almost loud enough to bring the roof down and Jongin finds himself clapping along excitedly. If he is as good as they say, he is in for a real treat. Baekhyun’s powerful performance earlier had really pumped him and the crowd up, and he cannot wait to see how Kyungsoo does with all the expectations piled on him to deliver their country’s first gold in this competition’s history.

Apparently, the man is touted to be one of the favourites going into next month’s World Championships, so the world would surely be watching how he does here. He has more than a ten-point lead from yesterday’s short programme according to Jongdae, so barring a disastrous free skate now, he is a shoo-in for the gold. Jongin watches with bated breath as Kyungsoo slows to a stop in the center of the ice and schools his face into a painting of calm.

There is absolute silence — you can probably hear a pin drop, before the sound of piano chords starts off the performance. And if Baekhyun’s skate starts off loud and exhilarating, Kyungsoo’s starts off soft, gentle yet  _ beautiful _ .

Jongin finds that he interprets the melodic chords well and reaches out to the audience with his gestures, teasing and luring everyone into his world with a gentle smile that never leaves his angelic face. It is just like the skater is weaving his performance into a story, and he enraptures everyone, including Jongin, with its narrative.

The way they skate in figure skating is so vastly different from how they ice hockey players skate, and Jongin briefly wonders if he can ever be as graceful.

He used to, he remembers. But that was him a long time ago in the dance studio. There is also something about the music that reminds him so much of his past ballet training, and when Kyungsoo lands his first quadruple loop so beautifully, Jongin cannot hear the crowd’s reaction to it because his heart is pounding so fast in his chest.

The way the other leapt, spun in the air and landed with a leg extended out before pushing off and transitioning into a series of step sequences… if Jongin slows it all down, he swears he sees memories of his mother dancing for him — her pirouettes, and her arabesque position. He even recalls distant memories of himself executing similar moves as a child.

Now Jongin gets what his brother had meant when he had told him  _ “I think you will like how Kyungsoo skates since you used to dance”  _ back in the car on the way here.

It is more than the similarities in the spins. It is also the way the skater interprets the music, like he is  _ dancing  _ to it. It makes Jongin want to dance again if he can be anywhere close to impressive as Kyungsoo is.

_ _

It is a powerful performance he is witnessing even though the music is not as loud as some of the previous skaters, but he is not referring to the skater’s speed across the ice and his magnificent leaps. It is powerful because every move Kyungsoo makes on the ice reminds him so much of a precious time from a long way back — memories he had locked up in the deep recesses of his mind for ages; moments he had really treasured but had to hide for the sake of protecting his father.

Jongin remembers his mother all over again.

He remembers the stars hanging from his old dance studio’s ceiling — the ones he had tried to reach for at every jump and pirouette he did.

He remembers how happy he was then and how contented he was doing something he really loved.

Kyungsoo has everyone standing on their feet by the time his performance reaches its climax and he lands a quadruple salchow and triple toe loop combination right in time with the music that receives a loud roar of appreciation from the audience. 

At this point, Jongin feels a nudge on his arm and looks over at Minseok as the other hands him a piece of tissue. He was surprised because he did not even notice he was tearing up. Fortunately for him, Jongdae is still oblivious — too focused on the performance to pay attention. He would not have known what to say if his brother asks why he was crying.

Jongin mutters his thanks and turns his attention back to Kyungsoo’s performance once again.

_ _

Figure skating  _ is  _ art like how dance channels it, and he thinks he finally knows what he wants to pursue for his future.

He wants another shot at the stars.

And Kyungsoo just happens to be the lighthouse that pointed him in the right direction today.

~

**KOREA’S SKATING PRODIGY CONTINUES TO SHINE**

Doh Kyungsoo continues his fine form from the Grand Prix Final in Sochi, putting in a commanding performance in front of a loud home crowd to steal Gold from the reigning World Champion, Patrick Chan. Korea’s Golden Boy now has his eyes set on the World Championships next month.

Kyungsoo’s win also means this is the first time in figure skating history that a country has swept both the male and female titles. Kim Yuna won the Women Singles with yet another world record on Monday night. Byun Baekhyun also landed yet another podium finish with his Bronze.

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**post response:**

**[+1293][-112]**

**original post: ** **here**

[+1014][-220] Both Kyungsoo and Yuna did so well!! Of course, what else do you expect from Queen Yuna? Kyungsoo-sshi looked a little nervous at the start, but when the music came on… WAHHH REALLY… He really deserved the standing ovation he got. Let’s go for the world record next time, Doh Kyungsoo! Fighting!

[+672][-109] I was there at the Olympic Hall yesterday. He is another level, seriously! The way he does his jumps… I got chills TT TT and I was watching with my mouth open the entire time. Good luck for Worlds, Kyungsoo! I am now a proud fan.

[+624][-200] IS IT TRUE LOEY MADE THE SONG KYUNGSOO SKATED TO IN HIS FREE?! Omg #couplegoals really. No wonder he interpreted the music so beautifully. Ahhh… I am envious.

[+270][-57] I think the guy sitting across me cried after his skate lol. But who could blame the fanboy tho… I was near tears too! Praying that Kyungsoo-sshi stays healthy and performs Hope and Legacy again in Canada!

[+28][-561] Kyungsoo who??? Baekhyun who? Sorry but Kim Yuna is still the Queen of Figure Skating. Just because you have one gold medal now, does not mean you are a great skater smh. GUYS SHOULD NOT SKATE PERIOD. FIGURE SKATING IS A GIRL’S SPORT. What a twink…

[+109][-53] Here comes another dumbass /rolls eyes/ figure skating is every bit a guy’s sport too! If you think you are so good, go and win a gold medal then! BOTH Kim Yuna and Doh Kyungsoo are EXCELLENT skaters… Baekhyun too! I am proud of them. KOREA is proud of them!

~

“Cheers to your gold medal!” Baekhyun yells out excitedly. “First of many to come!”

Jongin picks up his glass of apple juice ( _ yes _ , his brother had reminded him he is under the legal drinking age when they were ordering just now so he is stuck with a glass of juice while the rest of the table had beer and soju) and joins in the toast. He gets some beer spilled onto his hand when a slightly intoxicated Jongdae and Junmyeon clink their glasses together, and he sits back down with a grimace.

Minseok snatches his boyfriend’s beer and pinches his ear when he sits down too, so at least Jongin gets some entertainment out of watching the other scold his brother for drinking so much despite his low alcohol tolerance level.

“Thank you, everyone!” Kyungsoo beams at them from behind his glass before setting it down on the table. “I could not have done it without your support.”

“Here’s to another gold at Worlds next month!” Junmyeon stands, yells and downs his soju even before everyone else could raise their glasses in time. It is to no one’s surprise when the Coach slumps back in his seat and promptly falls asleep the next second.

“Cheers!” Baekhyun steps in to lead another round of them clinking their glasses together after an awkward pregnant pause.

“No more beer for you too, Soo. Don’t forget you have an early morning interview at the broadcasting station,” Chanyeol says, taking Kyungsoo’s glass from him and taking a gulp in his stead. The latter does not even complain and leans against his boyfriend’s chest with a happy sigh.

Jongin startles when Baekhyun gags exaggeratedly.

“I can’t even look at you two without feeling like I got diabetes all of a sudden,” the figure skater makes a face at Kyungsoo and Chanyeol. As if to prove a point, Kyungsoo snuggles up to his boyfriend even more and smiles to spite Baekhyun. “Where can I get a boyfriend ASAP?” Baekhyun groans.

Jongin stiffens when somehow the other’s stare lands on him sitting quietly in his corner. He has been quiet all evening, trying not to draw too much attention to himself because he does not know anyone here except for his brother and Minseok. Baekhyun’s eyes practically lights up and he gulps when the other looks him up and down.

“Jongin! Do you want to hang out with—”

“Not my baby brother, you dumbass!” Jongdae cuts in with such ferocity that Baekhyun yelps and sits back down with a pout. Everyone bursts into laughter, even Jongin who chuckles to himself.

If one were to ask him this morning what his dinner plans were, he would never have expected himself to be in the company of two world famous figure skaters and a renowned musician. After the prize presentation ceremony, where the entire crowd had erupted in cheers for both Kyungsoo and Baekhyun who had won the gold and bronze respectively, his brother and Minseok had dragged him towards the officials-only zone. It was there where they had met up with Chanyeol again and he was formally introduced to Junmyeon.

The Coach was very friendly and greeted his brother and Minseok warmly as they were old friends. By that time, Jongin was already seeing a pattern and he felt a bit left out because everyone seemed to know everyone, whereas he was just the awkward boy tagging along with his big brother to meet all these cool, famous people. He is famous too,  _ in a way _ , but nothing as compared to these guys who are  _ superstars. _

Meeting Kyungsoo (and also Baekhyun) was the most nerve-racking moment for him. He was beautiful on the ice — the way he skated and the way he looked fighting for his dream, but Jongin had to keep himself in check when the other walked over to them and smiled. Kyungsoo still had glitter painted on the corners of his eyes and he looked like a proper  _ angel _ .

After how he had touched Jongin with his performance, Jongin wanted to hug him and ask if he met his mother before he descended from heaven. But he figured it would be a weird way to introduce himself to Kyungsoo so he had held his tongue and hid behind his brother, only daring to give the other a small wave when he smiled at him and said hi.

Chanyeol had swept Kyungsoo up in a big hug afterwards and kissed his boyfriend in front of everyone, the pair unbothered by all the camera lens pointed in their direction.

Jongin also finds out a little later that Chanyeol is quite the famous person too — a lyricist and composer from SM Entertainment, who has won plenty of awards both locally and internationally. He has heard of the name LOEY before, but he has never seen him, so he is genuinely surprised it is Chanyeol who is behind some of his favourite songs he always listens to before competitions to calm his nerves.

“You should sing us a song, Yeollie!” Baekhyun suggests, pointing to the mini stage where a local band is just leaving after completing their set.

Chanyeol shakes his head at once and waves his hands shyly in front of him. But Jongdae has now joined in Baekhyun’s low chants of  _ “Park Chanyeol! Park Chanyeol!” _ and they are slowing attracting the attention of patrons seated at the neighbouring tables.

“If you’re not going to sing,  _ I’ _ ll do the honours,” Baekhyun declares loudly, jumping to his feet after. It seems the figure skater is well on his way to being drunk too for he wobbles slightly. Minseok has to grab onto his arm to help him find his balance.

“Let me join you!” Jongdae raises his glass and pops off his seat too, only for his boyfriend to haul him down at once. Jongin has never seen anything quite as amusing as Minseok holding back  _ both  _ Baekhyun and Jongdae from reaching the mini stage.

“Just one song, Yeol?” Kyungsoo smiles up at Chanyeol. “Please save us from drunk Baek doing random karaoke.”

He could see the exact moment Chanyeol caves in the way his face softens before he kisses Kyungsoo’s head and stands. “Okay, but only one song… for  _ you _ , and not to keep this rascal from making a fool out of himself,” he tells the latter.

Jongin has never felt so envious, not even in the face of his brother and Minseok’s relationship. Kyungsoo looks ethereal with the smile growing on his face as he watches Chanyeol sit down in front of the piano and shyly introduces himself to everyone. Jongin cannot find it in himself to look away.

“Wait, is this—” he falls silent when Kyungsoo turns to nod at him having heard him ask.

“He was the one who composed  _ Hope and Legacy _ for me,” the figure skater tells him with a smile.

_ No wonder…  _ Jongin recognises the opening to the score Kyungsoo had skated to in his free skate earlier.

“Why don’t you go sing with Yeollie, Soo?”

Baekhyun sticks his tongue out when the other insists he does not want to sing now. He then turns to Jongin, probably because he is the only one who might not know.

“Did you know our Mr Gold Medal here can carry quite a tune himself? We always say he can become a singer after he retires from the sport later,” Baekhyun laughs. Jongin smiles shyly and nods along, not knowing what kind of a reaction the other is expecting out of him. The figure skater is looking very flushed on the cheeks now, and he starts to worry if he should tell the other to stop drinking.

“You know I love skating too much to walk away from it. I would probably be a Coach and stick around for some more years after,” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes before quickly shushing his best friend when he makes to speak. “Keep quiet! I want to listen to Chanyeol.”

Baekhyun makes a face before pouring himself another shot of soju. “Chanyeol this, Chanyeol that… I swear you two cannot go a minute without mentioning each other. Like it isn’t cheesy enough for you to wear his soundwave ring all the time too,” he grumbles. He makes another face when he turns to Jongdae and Minseok who look like they are on the verge of making out, probably serving him a reminder again that he is single.

Jongin freezes when Baekhyun meets his eyes this time and breaks out into a slow smile.

“Jongin, my dear. Will you do me the honours and agree to go out on a date with—”

“Not my baby brother, bitch! I’ll slap you so hard you—  _ Oww!  _ Minnie…”

~

Some weeks later, Jongin is once again reminded that he was never meant to follow his father’s legacy.

A butterfly so delicate and beautiful, he is an art piece that deserves to be admired and appreciated from afar, not ruined by the violence of contact sport.

Unlike Jongdae, who is passion for ice hockey personified, Jongin feels stifled whenever he slips into his full gear and grabs onto his stick before stepping onto the ice. More so now that he has seen Kyungsoo skate and knows he has another dream he really wants to pursue other than ice hockey.

A couple of weeks has passed since he had set his mind on walking away from the sport, but Jongin has yet to gather enough courage to cut ties. It is not as easy as it seems, that is why he feels stuck living a dream that is not his to begin with — threading water as he goes and trying to keep alive while he figures out how to break the news to his father and brother.

“You ready to hit the ice?” Jongdae’s voice pulls him out from his reverie. “I know the Winter Olympics is more than a year away, but we cannot be slacking off now, can we?” His brother pats him on his heavily padded shoulders and pushes himself off the bench in the changing room. “Besides, it’s high time we take back the Challenge Cup from the Chinese in May.”

Jongin lets out a small grunt in acknowledgement and follows after the other. He briefly wonders if Jongdae can sense his reluctance to train from the way he drags his feet towards the rink.

There are already a few members of the national team warming up on the ice when they emerge from the changing room. Even though the session today is a non-compulsory one, it seems like many of his teammates have decided to come and prove their commitment to the team’s medal charge, as well as showcase their abilities to the Coach to earn themselves a place in the starting lines.

The media used to call them a tight unit driven by the collective spirit of individual passion and wanting to make their nation proud. Now, Jongin cringes whenever he recalls such reports for he feels it is unfair on his teammates — him receiving equal praise even though he dreams a different dream.

“Gather around so we can start, boys. We only have three hours before the junior team takes the ice, and there is plenty for us to do. Focus now!”

Everyone snaps to attention at the Coach’s voice and crowds around the tall male holding a clipboard to his chest. Jongin intends to let the rest go before him, but a strong tug on his wrist, courtesy of Jongdae, forces them both to the front of the group.

To the rest of the world, Coach Kim was a formidable champion and a legend in their country’s ice hockey sporting history. His professionalism, both as a player in the past and his coaching role in the present, had earned him the respect of all. 

To Jongin and Jongdae, however, Coach Kim is first and foremost their father.

But this line seems to have blurred in recent years.

To Jongin, his father is also his aviary.

His young self wishes to spread his wings and fly, but the weight of his father’s expectations and the watching world stunts his dream.

“I am glad to see many of you here this afternoon even though I gave you the option to take a break,” Coach Kim smiles and greets everyone with his usual sharp stare. “We all have high hopes for each and every one of you.” As he says this, his eyes seem to linger on Jongin and Jongdae longer than the rest of the team. “Let us train hard and make our country proud, alright?”

“Yes, Coach!” everyone yells out their determination.

“Good. Let us start with the face-off drill. Captain, split the teams.”

“Yes, Coach,” Jongdae nods.

Jongin’s brother possesses not the biggest of build, but he still holds unquestionable charisma in the way he leads everyone onto the ice and to the right wing before he sorts his teammates into their respective lines and starts practice. He is almost a carbon copy of his father in terms of skills and how he commands attention.

As his teammates skate around him, this is where Jongin has some liberty to zone out, his body already trained to go through the motions of hitting the puck around and marking his opponents one-on-one. He has spent his growing years playing the sport until it became second nature to him. The determination he had felt when his father first pulled him from ballet when he was 10 and had thrust him into this world of ice hockey has long fizzled.

Now 17, Jongin is done pretending that he will grow to love walking this path.

It was not easy getting into the national team a year ago. Most of his current teammates had years of experience under their belt then, as well as muscle mass twice that of his — he was a mere skinny boy who came out of puberty late, with a body not quite matching his deep, rough voice. Naturally, his teammates had blitzed through tryouts and earned their coveted spots, all well-deserved in his opinion.

Many thought with their family background and their father’s history, that the brothers will have an easy time getting in. They cannot be more wrong. If anything, their father was their strictest critic when assessing their plays and skills; he definitely did not hold back on his criticisms. No amount of personal connections will ever taint the sacred selection process, and they experienced this for themselves the hard way.

Both him and Jongdae had gotten to where they stand now because of their own pure hard work, and Jongdae’s natural athleticism and his own frightening ability to pick up new things fast. That is why they are worthy inclusions in the eyes of their teammates. That is why they are respected.

But Jongin questions if it is worth it — if his motivation for getting into the national team was driven by the desire to please himself or the convenience of pleasing his family.

As he stands in the middle of the rink, awaiting his turn, his right feet curls subconsciously till he grounds the tip of his blade into the ice. He might have gone on YouTube to watch a couple of videos after the day he watched Kyungsoo skate. If it was a toe pick in its place, it will be so easy to swing his body from this position into a spin — just like a pirouette in ballet.

Jongin feels the imaginary wings on his back spreading to take flight already.

However, before he can get carried away and dream of step sequences and jumps, Jongdae’s voice calling out his name from the boards jerks him into action.

“Jongin, up top!” his brother yells.

He peels after his paired wingers at once and slaps the ice with his stick, yelling out a gruff, “over!” the second he finds a pocket of space. When he gets the puck, he easily sidesteps the defenseman who rushes out to shield his shot and snaps his wrist, sending the puck sailing into the top right-hand corner of the net.

Jongin’s goal is met with muted cheers from his linemates, and when his momentum brings him past the Coach, he hears a “brilliant goal, son” from his father.

He appears to smile around his mouth guard, but the bitterness he feels inside tells a different story. It is like he is stuck in a vicious cycle, one he does not know how to get out of. He really needs to find a good time to speak to his father. Soon.

~

Jongin flexes and swings his stick with all his might, making a clean connection with the puck, and sending it right to the top corner of the goal — a classic postage stamp goal, that is what they call it.

He drags another puck to the blue line and winds his arm back again to release a similar shot on target. Silent and expressionless cuts him a sorry sight. Where once he felt exhilaration racing through his body whenever he sends a puck to the back of the net, be it during a game or in practice, now he feels emptiness.

Ever since he caught a glimpse of a potential dream through Kyungsoo’s skating, his mind has traveled and his heart has been won over. So distracted he has become that it has affected his training, he is pretty sure his father and teammates have noticed his more than usual sloppy passes and lack of commitment going into body checks.

Jongdae had shot him occasional worried looks in between drills this morning, and he had felt guilty after awhile. Here are his teammates putting in a hundred and ten percent effort every time — sacrificing sleep and time with their family and friends, all to train so they could be the best; so they deserve to be in the National Team, aiming for cups and trophies. He is nothing but a free rider at this point.

Not surprisingly, he had gotten an earful from the Coach after the latter had dismissed practice. Not even the intervention of his brother could spare him from the onslaught of harsh words from his father, and Jongin could only stare down at his feet, shame-faced, while Jongdae left.

He had received a snort and a sharp  _ “of course you ought to”  _ when he had volunteered to stay back to brush up on his skills. It was a self-inflicted punishment suggested to dissipate the tension growing between him and his father. So here he finds himself on the ice, trying to forget the hurt he had felt when the elder had turned his back on him after scolding him, trying to reignite his dying passion for ice hockey; trying  _ not  _ to think about another dream.

But it is hard. His mind wanders to spins and jumps whenever the puck he releases in his shot falls to the ice. He lowers his stick and pushes off with his feet gently, circling the goal and ultimately making a lap around the rink with his head still up in the clouds.

As Jongin skates, he thinks back to the way Kyungsoo did his step sequences — those fancy crisscrossing of his feet, his turns and twizzles, and he falls to the temptation of attempting it. The only thing missing are his fanciful arm extensions, those he used to do at ballet classes when he was younger. Jongin figures he will look a fool doing that now while suited up in his helmet and holding his hockey stick.

He is grateful no one is around to witness him promptly tripping over his own feet and crashing onto the ice with a loud squawk. It is harder than it looks, he realises. However, he shoots upright when he hears chatter and the sound of approaching footsteps. He would not know how to explain himself if anyone were to ask him why he was lying on the ice. A fall as an excuse is out of the question, even though it is the truth, given he would never admit it resulted from him having a go at some figure skating moves.

“It’s such a pity he won’t be in Ontario though. I was really looking forward to competing against him.”

The voice, deep but smooth like honey, is not unfamiliar.

Jongin perks up and picks his stick off the ice, right when a small group of five rounds the bend near the entrance to the rink. He spots Kyungsoo at once. Although with a small build, dwarfed by his friends, his presence is undeniable in the way it draws Jongin’s attention to him — even from a distance, like he had tunnel vision and Kyungsoo is his light.

The other was conversing with two other familiar faces, and he smiles and waves back when Yerim spots him and shouts out his name.

“What are you guys doing here?” he asks as he slides to a stop in front of the group and removes his helmet, tossing his hair slightly because he knows he looks a mess. Okay, he admits he may have gone a little overboard with his entrance, but he may or may not have been trying to impress a particular someone.

“Well, hello there, hottie. Should have known you were a hockey player like your brother.” Baekhyun interjects, breaking out into a smile, while Yerim reaches over the rink to give Jongin a brief hug. “You two are friends?” he asks.

“High school classmates,” Jongin explains. “I knew you skate, but I didn’t know you’re in the National Team!” he says this to Yerim who ducks her head and nods shyly.

“This one just qualified for the World Championships for the first time as well,” Baekhyun bumps his fist on the girl’s shoulder playfully. Jongin does not know the exact significance of the competition to Yerim, but he figures it must be a huge achievement as all World Championships are so he congratulates his friend before nodding at the other two girls hanging off each of Yerim’s arms and Kyungsoo.

“Hi everyone. Hi Kyungsoo.” His words may or may not have trailed off shyly towards the end because the other was staring at him with his beautiful wide eyes.

Jongin seriously hopes a blush has not made its way onto his cheeks when the figure skater beams at him in response, but from the way Baekhyun narrows his eyes at them, he figures he might have failed to get a grip on himself. He quickly clears his throat and tries to put on a straight face.

“Jongin, right? Jongdae’s brother?” Kyungsoo says. “Nice to see you again.”

_ He remembers my name!  _ Jongin spazzes inwardly, ignoring Baekhyun grumbling to himself at the side because he had not gotten the attention he had wanted from Jongin.

His idol knows his name and that is the most important.

“This is Sooyoung and Seungwan,” Yerim introduces him to the two girls he is not acquainted with, and he bows politely in greeting. “They’re national skaters as well. In fact, we’re all here to train for Worlds. You’re done using the ice right? Junmyeon said he had booked the place for us.”

This rink the National Ice Hockey Team trains in belongs to his family, but he knows his father often allows external parties to rent it whenever there are no team practices or hockey classes for kids scheduled.

“No, I’m done. But I thought you guys usually train at Hanhwa?” He watches the skaters settle on the benches and prepare to hit the ice. Gone are the light smiles from their faces as a look of concentration settles while they put on their skates. Even Baekhyun looks the professional athlete he is, and Jongin feels a tad awed in their presence. It is a different feeling as compared to being in the presence of his own team, not that he is trying to disparage his teammates in any way.

“There was a bit of construction going on in the annex building of the skating centre and it was disrupting our practice,” Yerim tells him as she steps onto the ice.

“It is the World Championships in a month and we cannot afford to half-ass our practices, hence Junmyeon made arrangements with your Dad. He is in his office speaking to him now.” Baekhyun claps him on his shoulder pads when he passes by. “We will be here every morning before your practices, and then after lunch at around three, until we fly to Canada in the first week of March!”

“You guys train two times a day?” He leaves his helmet and stick on the sidelines and goes to retrieve the stray pucks lying around lest the skaters trip on them.

“Three times actually.” Jongin startles when Kyungsoo skates alongside him to the goal furthest from where they were. “Six days a week. We have off-ice training and sometimes dance classes in the evenings,” the other grabs onto one end of the goal post and jerks his head in his direction.

“Oh.” He quickly grabs onto the other end and helps Kyungsoo shift the goal post out of the rink. Training more than three times a day sounds really intense. It is more than he had envisaged actually. Yerim and Baekhyun takes care of the other goal post, while Sooyoung and Seungwan goes around clearing the pucks on the ice. “I think you guys have it tougher than us ice hockey players.” They pause at the edge of the rink.

“Yeah, we work really hard. It’s too bad a lot of people who don’t know the sport disregard the effort we skaters put into our programmes,” Kyungsoo shrugs, flexes his wrists and rotates his arms to loosen up his muscles. “I need to warm up now. Feel free to stay and watch us, Jongin.”

He does not share that he was already planning to stay and watch. It will be an honour to watch them train. Also, he shelves away in the deep recesses of his mind, the thought that his heart had done a mini leap in his chest when Kyungsoo had smiled at him before skating away.

After Jongin gets handed a bag full of pucks from Sooyoung, he settles on a nearby bench and unlaces his skates. On the ice, the five skaters are already immersed in their routine work. The sound of the blades of their skates cutting the ice and the occasional kick-off and landing after a jump are music to Jongin’s ears in the otherwise silent rink.

He makes quick work of removing his skates and socks, sighing at the relief of his legs meeting cool air after having been trapped in his skates for hours, and tugs his oversized jersey over his head. It leaves him in a sweat-soaked, skin-tight sports tank and shorts, but he does not mind his appearance.

Jongin watches Yerim execute a jump right in front of him and he finds his heart in his mouth when she wobbles on the landing, even though she ultimately stays on her feet. It must be one of the more difficult jumps, but as to what it is called specifically, he does not know. He has yet to familiarise himself with the differences in their many types of jumps and he makes a mental note to research this when he gets home later.

But Jongin finds his breath taken away when Kyungsoo speeds past, and once his eyes latches onto the other’s figure, he cannot find it in himself to look at anyone else.

Power, poise and elegance — Kyungsoo has it all. And when the other leaps into the air, he brings Jongin flying with him.

It was exactly how he felt when he saw him winning the Gold medal recently; how he was reminded of his mother and his past dreams. Kyungsoo instils hope in him that his passion is valid — that no sky is too small to accommodate him, and no dream unachievable if he just believes.

That is why he looks to the other like he is his idol now.

Jongin does not even realise he is getting into pirouette holding position, with his one foot in pointe, watching Kyungsoo spin away in the centre of the rink, until Junmyeon joins his side and points it out.

“You are familiar with the dance?” the Coach asks.

Jongin’s face colours immediately and he reverts to how one would usually stand casually. Except, he must have exaggerated his pose because Junmyeon gives him a weird look. “I used to do ballet when I was younger,” he shares, shifting his weight between his two feet awkwardly.

“Before you got into ice hockey?” The look of surprise on Junmyeon’s face is to be expected, he thinks. The contrast between the two is rather shocking. “Why didn’t you learn figure skating then? I would imagine you fitting in better, as opposed to the aggressiveness of hockey.”

He shrugs. “I did skate for a little while,” Jongin says as Junmyeon raises his eyebrows, as if waiting for him to elaborate. But Jongin leaves it at that. He is not comfortable mentioning how his mother’s death and his father’s grief had changed his plans.

“Ever thought of a career switch then?” Junmyeon says it in a joking manner, but what the Coach does not know is that this has been a serious consideration lingering in Jongin’s mind ever since the idea was first planted last month. “I’m just kidding, Jongin.” The other pats him on the back and gestures at his skaters on the rink. “I mean, you’re probably still young enough to do it but never mind what I said.”

Jongin hums and turns to look at the skaters again.

“A little under-rotated on the quad loop, Baek,” Junmyeon calls out when Baekhyun skates pass them. “Try to put more speed into the take-off.” The latter looks over, sighs and nods before picking up speed to give it another go. “Easy on the ankles, Sooyoung!” the Coach studies the girls’ forms and yells again.

“All the jumps look so difficult,” he comments, and Junmyeon turns to face him.

“They are,” the other nods. “Especially the quads Baekhyun and Kyungsoo are doing.” At the blank look on Jongin’s face, Junmyeon elaborates. “Quads refer to quadruple ju— look at Kyungsoo now, quickly!” Jongin whips his head forward, right as the said skater launches into the air. “Beautiful landing, Soo,” Junmyeon yells. “Maybe add a triple loop at the end of it for a combi?”

Kyungsoo does not look over, but he raises a thumbs up in the air to show he has heard.

“Four revolutions in the air,” Junmyeon tells Jongin. “It is crazy what these guys do in competitions nowadays. Go back a few years and quads didn’t even exist outside practice then. I’m sure I would have broken my ankle many times over,” he chuckles. “Now, you won’t even qualify for the podium if you don’t add at least three to four of them in your programme.”

“But those quads look practically impossible. I mean— that many revolutions in such a short amount of time? Is that not near impossible for a human?” Jongin asks.

“Now that is the thing about being a professional athlete and competing, is it not, Jongin?” the Coach smiles at him. “It’s all about pushing boundaries, pushing yourself to be better than what you were yesterday. In the end, it isn’t just a gold medal or about winning over the public with your accomplishments, but it’s about winning over yourself first. The jubilation of conquering mountains… I think that is most important and what will keep the flame in you going for many more years.”

Junmyeon’s words bring a rush to Jongin and he finds himself nodding at everything the other says.  _ Winning over yourself first.  _ He tells himself he needs to start putting himself first.  _ Keeping the flame in me going for many more years…  _ He knows he will not be able to achieve this if he dares not push past his boundaries and take a step away from the path his father had sent him off on.

“I a-agree… thank you, hyung,” he smiles and receives a fist bump on his shoulder.

He sees for himself what Junmyeon meant by conquering mountains in the way Kyungsoo pushes himself to execute his jumps. Even from a distance he sees the sweat lining the other’s forehead and the way he furrows his brows in utter concentration going into the entry of each jump. The skater’s dedication is admirable.

Jongin winces when Seungwan takes a tumble after exiting from a jump.

“You okay?” Junmyeon calls out to the girl. “I should go check on her,” the other pats him on the arm and steps onto the ice. “See you around, Jongin,” he says over his shoulder.

Jongin hums and stares at Seungwan who is now getting to her feet. Seeing that she is seemingly alright, he bends to pick up his stuff and decides to head for the showers first. It will be awkward to watch the entire duration of the session anyway. Also, he does not know how long they would be training. Ultimately, the icky feeling of his sweat drying on his skin and the greasiness of his hair combine to convince him he has to wash up.

What he does not expect to find is his father leaning against the wall beside the showers after he grabs his towel and change of clothes from the locker room. Apparently the elder was waiting for him because he takes a step towards Jongin when he sees him.

Jongin freezes and glances down at his feet, afraid to even make a noise given that their previous conversation had not ended on a good note.

“You know those skaters?” his father asks with a frown etched on his face. The disdain disguised by the tone he uses is not lost on Jongin, and he looks up with wide eyes.

“Y-Yeah, they’re friends with—” he wants to say Jongdae’s name, but something tells him not to.

“What makes you think you have the time to associate yourself with that bunch, son?”

Jongin takes a step back when his father advances on him. The look he gets from the latter is borderline menacing and it scares him.

“Need I remind you that the Challenge Cup of Asia is coming up? Do you think you are good enough for idle chit-chat with a bunch of  _ figure skaters _ ? I saw you with their joke of a Coach. What they do on the ice is a joke compared to what we do. You should not be—”

He jerks his head up in surprise, taken aback by the harsh words leaving his father’s mouth. He did not know the elder felt this way about the sport. Somehow, he also does not appreciate the way he badmouths the skaters and Junmyeon.

“Don’t lose focus, Jongin. I need my team to be in the best condition, and that includes having the right mentality to train hard and win — something you are lacking recently. Tell me, is it because you’re hanging out with those  _ gays _ ? Because I could—”

“Dad!”

And that is why his older brother and Minseok has kept their relationship a secret from their father all these while. Because they did not know how he would react if Jongdae (and Jongin) came out; because they had a hunch he would frown upon such relationships and behaviour. They were right. How the other is acting now validates all their worries.

“Stop it, father!” Jongin yells again and puts some distance between them, not so much because he felt threatened by the other’s imposing body language. Not anymore. But because there is a well of anger and injustice growing from the pit of his stomach and he does not think he could rein it in any longer. “What are you saying?! That bunch you speak lowly of are world renowned athletes, and they’re good people. They are friends. Why are you looking down on them and their sport?”

“Oh  _ please _ , boy.” He fists his hands unconsciously when his father rolls his eyes and gives him a look. “Figure skating is for girls. Nobody wants to see those gay boys in their frilly, sequined attires,  _ dancing _ around,” the elder scoffs. “Leave that to the girls. It is not a sport, unlike us real men who deal with hockey.”

Maybe it is because his father’s words strike too close to home. Also, he recalls what Kyungsoo had said earlier.

_ “Yeah, we work really hard. It’s too bad a lot of people who don’t know the sport disregard the effort us skaters put into our programmes.” _

“But what’s so bad about wearing costumes and dancing around?” he asks. “I used to dance too, and I loved it. I think I really like figure skating too,” Jongin raises his voice, and this time he holds his father’s stare. “Dancing was my only dream! But you took it away from me after mom died. Remember? What right do you have to look down on it now?”

He winces when his father slammed him against the wall behind him, the elder’s short angry bursts of breath washing over his face with his every exhale.

Perhaps the name drop was uncalled for.

“You didn’t ask if I wanted to do ice hockey before you decided for me,” Jongin continued on nonetheless. “I wanted to reach for the stars! Mom told me to fly high and look for her in the stars, but you were the one who trimmed my feathers and stopped me.” At this point, he could barely make out his father’s face through the tears in his eyes. The only thing grounding him is the tight grip on his shoulders.

“Don’t bring up your mother.” His father shakes him hard and jostled him against the wall. “I did what I thought was best for you and what was best for the family.” The grip on his shoulders slacks after a minute, and he is finally released. Jongin stares at his father’s back in desolation when the other turns away from him  _ yet again _ . That broad back again. He thinks he has had enough of this sight.

“If you really hate hockey so much, if you really think I am the one stopping you from reaching this pathetic dream of yours of being a figure skater… Get out of my sight. Go be one of them. Go be another useless skater.”

Jongin’s jaw drops and his heart plummets at the cold look his father gives him over his shoulder.

“I don’t have such a pathetic son. You’re  _ not _ my son.”

It takes a lot of courage for Jongin to pick up the clothes he had dropped when his father had manhandled him and to walk away after a long pause. He wants to prove his father wrong — that he can live his own life.

The look of shock on the elder’s face, perhaps he had expected Jongin to bow to his threat like how he had kept quiet and accepted his fate all these years, morphs into betrayal and then finally contempt.

Jongin walks away from his old life with his head held high and his shoulders lighter than they have ever been. But when under the hot shower awhile later, he crumbles as the water wipes his remaining tears away for him.

_ Today is the last day you shed a tear, Kim Jongin.  _ He tells himself this.

No more tears, only smiles from now on.

~

He must have lost track of time when breaking down in the showers because the next thing he knows someone is resting their hand on his shoulder. Jongin jerks and looks up right into Kyungsoo’s concerned eyes.

“Jongin, are you okay? What are you doing on the floor?” Kyungsoo grabs onto his arm to steady him when he scrambles off the tiles, wiping furiously at his eyes because he does not want the other to see. Although, he thinks he is probably too late. Thank goodness he is already dressed, although the same cannot be said about Kyungsoo.

“I’m fine, don’t worry about it. The showers are empty… help yourself to them.” Jongin ducks his head and side steps Kyungsoo so he can get to the sink, but the skater follows after him persistently. 

He must have finished his training ahead of Baekhyun because the other guy was nowhere to be seen. Jongin does his best to avoid staring at Kyungsoo’s bare chest and  _ tight  _ boxer shorts because  _ wow.  _ But now is not the time and place for this. Whatever  _ this _ is. 

“Have you been crying in here for two hours?”

_ _

_ Oh, so that is how much time has passed. _

“Noooo…” he denies strongly, but the crack in his voice gives him away. He winces.  _ How embarrassing. _

_ _

“Well, clearly you have because your eyes are so puffy right now.” Kyungsoo takes him by surprise when he spins him around forcefully and steps closer, practically caging him in between the sink and a really hot bod. “I know we’re not that close, but I’m a pretty good listener, you know? You’re clearly not okay so do you want to tell me what is wrong and get it off your chest a little?”

“Or do you want me to call your brother?” he adds after a pregnant pause.

“No, don’t call Jongdae!” Jongin shouts, muttering a soft apology afterwards for raising his voice. Alerting the other now is the last thing he wants. He needs time to figure out how to break the news to him.

He blames it on Kyungsoo’s eyes when he speaks up — they are big, pretty and  _ very _ persuasive.

“I think I just quit the National Team and got disowned by my father,” Jongin blurts out.

All credit to the skater though for he only blinks in response and pushes Jongin to sit on the bench. Any reaction bigger than that from Kyungsoo and he will have undoubtedly fallen back into his earlier emotional turmoil.

“Tell me all about it,” Kyungsoo says calmly, settling down on the bench too. And that is when the floodgates open as Jongin spills  _ everything _ , from his childhood to his mother, ice hockey, seeing Kyungsoo skate at Four Continents to the present day — him wanting to pick up figure skating, as implausible as it sounds.

Kyungsoo does not interrupt him at all, he only nods and chimes in as and when he felt Jongin needed to hear a second opinion.

“I think you can do it, Jongin. It is a big step, and I am honoured you think seeing me skate inspired you to make this decision, but I have faith in your courage.”

“You do not think I am too old to start figure skating?”

“What are you— 16 or 17 now?” Jongin nods and Kyungsoo pats him on the shoulder. “If you are thinking about going competitive, the road might be a little bit tough but not impossible. Do not write yourself off from the start, okay? There have been champions who bloomed late. I mean, the men’s field is typically older than the women’s so…”

“I-I don’t even know where to start,” he stares ahead blankly.

“Well, finding a Coach is step one,” Kyungsoo adds helpfully. “There are regional clubs with the resources to help your transition into figure skating you could try out for. Forget what you have learned through ice hockey. You do not need those techniques anymore. Figure skating is a whole different ball game altogether.”

“Regional clubs and a Coach… got it.” Jongin makes a mental note to search up options on his phone later. “Although, I doubt anyone would want me,” he says softly. 

“You know you actually remind me of myself back in the days.” Kyungsoo gives him an encouraging smile. “I was really young and lost, but I just loved skating so much and stubbornly refused to give it up whenever my mother would try to get me interested in something else. It took some time for me to find my footing. Guess I got lucky when Junmyeon decided to take a gamble on me,” he chuckles. “He was the only one who believed in me and invested in me when no one else wanted to give me a chance.

“He sounds like a great guy.”

“Yes, he is.” Kyungsoo agrees. “He is a former professional skater so he is always the one giving me advice and sharing his experiences. I’m very grateful for him.”

“Well, you are a great guy too so would you help me like how he helped you?” Jongin nibbles on his lower lip uneasily.  _ Wait, that sounded too demanding.  _ So not a second later, he finds himself taking back his words. “Actually, scratch that… that was rude of me to ask you for a favour. We don’t even know each other that well. I will try to find my own Junmyeon.” He hides his face in his palms after his little ramble.

Kyungsoo laughs. “Come on, you practically told me your whole backstory earlier, Jongin. Are we not friends now at the very least?” The skater only continues after he sees Jongin peeking out at him from in between his fingers. “I can’t promise to be your Junmyeon because I’m going to be very busy in the coming months and I probably will not have time to watch you train. You’re better off finding a full-time Coach. But—”

Jongin holds his breath in anticipation.

“— if you need advice from a  _ friend  _ and senior, I promise you can always come find me.” Kyungsoo smiles. “I will be there for you.”

“You would do that for me?”

“Of course. I told you how much you remind me of my past self, right? I would have appreciated having someone to support me back then.”

“I might pester you with questions every single day,” Jongin warns teasingly. 

“I look forward to it,” Kyungsoo chuckles.

“You know this promise might come back and bite you in the ass one day. Are you sure you don’t want to take it back?”  _ _

_ _

“No take backs, and I never break my promises. Ever.”

Jongin pauses to stare at Kyungsoo with watery eyes before he decides to take the plunge, lunging forward to envelop the skater in a tight hug.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

“You're squeezing me too hard, Jongin. I cannot breathe,” Kyungsoo wheezes.

“From the bottom of my heart… t-thank you.”

He finally feels the other returning his hug and patting him on the back, stroking in gentle circles.

“You’re going to be okay, Jongin. You’ll do well… I’ll make sure of it.”

“Can someone tell me what the hell is going on here and why am I not invited to the hug Jongin while half-naked party?!” The sudden appearance of Baekhyun in the doorway forces them apart, and when their eyes meet again, all they can do is burst out into laughter.

~


	4. Chapter 4

**2016.**

**The Present — ** ** _Them_ ** **.**

Jongin watches after Kyungsoo as he wheels himself around the bend near the entrance of the rink before disappearing from sight. He finds himself letting out the breath he had been holding in and he leans his body weight on his hockey stick, feeling the strength in his legs give out.

Around him, the parents dropping off their children for the under-10 class break out into loud chatter. The former skater undoubtedly their topic of conversation.

Jongin had received such a shock upon seeing the man he had been thinking about for the past months lying in the middle of their rink earlier.  _ Who in their right mind would stay on the ice, let the cold bite their skin and let it wet their clothes?  _ he had thought when skating over to ask the man to kindly leave so he can set up the cones for his students. He was even prepared to physically remove the man if the other had heard him fine over his headphones but was just simply refusing to leave.

But lo and behold, it was the man who had dropped off the face of the Earth after his serious accident half a year ago — his idol, and  _ still  _ his inspiration.

Kyungsoo looked a different person now. He looked a broken one. The light gone from his beautiful eyes, and he looked visibly thinner. Jongin understands the other’s pain completely. After all, he had lost a loved one before too, and from the way the other had snapped at him and brushed off his attempts to help him back to his wheelchair, Jongin knows Kyungsoo did not recognise him.

His  _ friend _ did not remember their past interactions at all, and it makes him feel a little sad.

He remembers hearing about the accident when he was on his way home from night lessons one day. When the country prayed for their fallen star, Jongin had prayed alongside the rest of them. When their friends cried for the loss of Chanyeol, he had shed tears too. Because despite barely knowing the other, he had felt it was too cruel for fate to take him from them and from Kyungsoo, so early, so soon.

Learning that Kyungsoo would never be able to walk again was the last straw.

He had wanted to skate alongside his idol someday — the man who had inspired him to chase after his own dreams, and not his father’s. The man who had reminded him of his love for dance, and who had taught him it was okay to put himself first. Jongin had even made it one of his goals as he trained hard after having walked away from ice hockey three years ago.

He has not seen Kyungsoo in a really long time, the skater’s schedules were as packed as they had expected, but whenever Jongin puts on his skates and takes to the ice, his mind always drifted back to the other and he worries if he was eating well; if he was doing fine.

He hears updates about the other’s condition sometimes through Jongdae, who keeps in touch with Baekhyun and Junmyeon. But seeing him with his own eyes earlier was something else.

“Okay, gather around boys and girls! Say goodbye to your Mommies and Daddies. It’s time to play hockey,” he straightens up and claps his hands to get the attention of his students. He gets an immediate reaction as all ten kids start to talk over one another at once. He smiles when he sees Sehun waving a little too hard at his mother, going off-balance because of it, and promptly falling on his butt.

This is one of the reasons why he teaches the under-10 class — just the kids in their oversized jerseys and helmets, and the over-enthusiastic attitude they bring into the rink melts his heart. He has such a weakness for adorable things.

He is glad Sehun seems back to his usual cheery self. The cold encounter with Kyungsoo earlier had scared the five-year old a little, but he seems to have forgotten all about it by now. Jongin is actually surprised that Sehun had called Kyungsoo his hero and told him he loved his skating. He did not know his favourite student aspires to be a figure skater too.

In a way, Jongin guesses Sehun is a lot like him.

“Make sure you have all your gear with you,” he tells the children before bowing at the elders taking their leave. “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of them,” he says, helping Sehun to stand up on his skates. The hour-long lesson is usually the only time they have to run errands so most of the parents do not stay to observe, instead trusting Jongin to keep watch over their children. 

“Can we go on the ice now, teacher Jongin?” one of the girls tugs on his jersey and looks up at him excitedly.

“Not yet, Soomin,” he chuckles. “What did I say about warming up before hitting the ice? We don’t want to get hurt while playing, right?” He helps arrange them in two lines and he brings Sehun to stand in the middle of the front row. The five-year old is the youngest and easily the smallest kid in the class, and Jongin just feels he has to pay extra attention to him. Also, he has a soft spot for the boy with the lisp  _ (but shhh, don’t tell the rest) _ .

“Hands on your waist, everyone,” he says. “Then I want you to rotate your body to the right, but don’t move your legs. You should feel a stretch around your waist.” He chokes back a laugh when Sehun spins to his  _ left  _ with such confidence, until he realises he got his directions mixed up and quickly rectifies his mistake. The other kids laugh at his expense and the boy pouts. “Okay, now count to ten everyone.”

“One, two—” the children chorus loudly at once.

When Jongin is finally satisfied with the warm-up, he helps each child put on their helmets and guides them onto the ice.

“Okay, let’s do five laps around the rink. Follow after Joonyeol.” His instruction is met with a chorus of protests because everyone just wants to skip all the drills and start with the game they usually play to end off lessons — that is the fun bit after all.

But eventually, they still do as they were told, with Jongin bringing up the rear like he usually does, skating beside Sehun who is trying his hardest to keep up with the older boys and girls.

“Come on, you can do it!” he gives the small child some encouragement. Sehun repeats  _ “I can do it!”  _ cutely and tries to speed up, face set in determination.

Somehow, seeing the other now reminds Jongin of himself three years ago, when he had first tried to walk on the path to his figure skating dream. It has been a tough three years living in a space with a father who would not look at him, and even though he knows Jongdae tries to appear supportive of his decision to quit the National Team (and essentially the sport itself), his older brother does still harbour feelings of disappointment. 

Finding a Coach willing to nurture him into a professional skater has been the biggest challenge so far. Everyone he had approached had declined after they learned of his age, citing that it would be near impossible for him to make it given how professional skaters usually start from a very young age, and even then, not all would have a shot beyond Nationals.

He did think about contacting Kyungsoo since the skater had appeared supportive back then in the showers and had made a promise to help if he could, but hearing all of Kyungsoo’s exploits in the news and seeing how busy the World Champion is had always made him hesitate and eventually delete his messages before he could press send. 

When he had approached Minseok for advice, the latter had suggested reaching out to Junmyeon to see if he has any contacts. To be honest, the thought had crossed Jongin’s mind before. But when he is reminded of how busy the National Team’s Coach is even through Yerim’s social media updates, he does not dare open his mouth to ask.

At 17, he failed to see why the others he had approached would condemn him to failure from the get-go. Kyungsoo had told him it was not impossible.

So Jongin had decided to rely on his own determination and ability — training himself both on and off the ice with the aid of instructional videos off YouTube, until he secures a Coach. He might or might not have also watched all of Kyungsoo’s skates in past competitions and attempted some of his signature moves. The scar on his left ankle still remains to tell the tale of when he had tried a quadruple lutz without prior training and broke his ankle on the landing. Jongin has not attempted a quad ever since.

It became even more apparent he was going nowhere, that he was still treading water, a few months later. Without a Coach, it was tough finding sponsors to have his back, and without sponsors, he lacks opportunities. His father had broached this topic one night over dinner to spite him and Jongin had eventually enrolled into a regular college and moved out altogether. Anything to rid himself of the potential self-doubt in the toxic space they shared.

His workload from college did not mean he gave up learning to be a figure skater though. He still stubbornly visits their family’s rink whenever he knows his father is not around. Jongdae is the one who plays an instrumental role here in informing him whenever the ice is free. And when his brother had found out about him going around looking for a part-time job to finance school, he offered him the position to teach kids hockey at their rink. Surely their father knew of this arrangement, but strangely he had not made any comments. Also, Jongin was without other job alternatives at that time, hence why he had gratefully accepted.

Now 20, he is slowly starting to doubt he would ever get to his finishing line.

“Jongin hyung?” a soft voice breaks him out of his reverie. He did not even realise he had been skating around aimlessly for the past couple of minutes, and he gasps when he sees Sehun has stopped right in front of him. Jongin has to swerve around the boy quickly to avoid knocking him down and it results in a mini collision with the walls of the rink since he was skating near it. 

He winces when his ankle, the one he had broken before, gives a painful throb, but he shakes it off and goes to meet Sehun and the other children who are now gathering around him, having completed the five laps as requested.

“I’m sorry! Are you okay?” Sehun looks up at him with a pair of puppy eyes, probably feeling bad because he had caused him to collide with the walls. 

But Jongin quickly smiles and pats him on his helmet. “Don’t worry about me, squirt,” he brushes off the other’s concerns. 

After guiding the children through a set of simple drills, Jongin announces that he is going to split the group into two teams so they can start a game. It is obvious that the children have been looking forward to this moment the most, because he is met with excited yells immediately.

“Why don’t we let Sehunnie and Soominnie be the captains of the two teams this time, okay?” he says as he beckons the two forward. Sehun looks like he cannot quite believe his luck. The five-year old shrieks and hugs Jongin’s leg when he reaches him. He has always been the last one picked, and now Jongin has given him a position of power despite him being the youngest, to choose his own teammates. Jongin smiles and says, “Okay, rock paper scissors to see who picks first. Go on.”

He has always found it peaceful whenever he watches the kids play — their brilliant smiles and childish antics at times, often bring a smile to his own face and it makes him forget, even if it is just for a moment, his troubles. 

But the call he gets halfway through today’s game disrupts the norm.

He recognises the ringtone he has customised for Jongdae, and he is surprised why the other is calling. Surely his brother knows he is in the middle of a lesson now. It is weird he is disregarding this fact by calling. It must be for something important.

Jongin tears his eyes away from the game for a moment and goes to retrieve his phone from his bag.

“Hey, hyung. I’m actually having a lesson right now… can I call you back in say twenty minutes?” he asks in greeting the second he picks up the call, and he was about to hang up without waiting for a reply when Jongdae speaks.

“J-Jongin-ah…” 

There is something in the way the other stutters that catches his full attention, and he pauses, phone already detached from his ear.

“Is there something wrong?” Jongin frowns, bringing his phone back up to his ear. He feels a weight in his stomach at once, dread building from the way his brother holds his silence. To his knowledge, the National Ice Hockey Team is currently in Canada to play a friendly game with one of the more established clubs there. “Tell me what’s wrong,” he demands.

“Father collapsed during training this morning and he was taken to a local hospital. He isn’t in any immediate danger, but the doctors are keeping him in overnight to monitor his situation… I just thought you should know,” Jongdae says.

Jongin feels the blood drain from his face at once. For all the things his brother could have called him to say, he was least expecting something like this.

“Have they found out what’s wrong at least?” he asks after a pregnant pause, glancing at the children who seem to still be having fun with the game. 

Jongdae hesitates before letting out a deep sigh. “It’s stage three cancer. Stomach. It seems he has kept it from us for months, or years even… I’m really angry at him,” Jongin’s grip on the wall tightens. It is true he did not know either, and he starts to share his brother’s anger. How could their father have thought to keep such a serious matter from them? Granted, Jongin has not been on speaking terms with the elder in recent years, but still… surely a matter of such gravity takes precedence?

This is just like how his mother had kept her condition a secret from him in the past. A sense of deja vu starts to build.

“We’re returning to Seoul on the weekend and he would be admitted into Samsung Medical straightaway for an assessment. You should come down… I’d be there.” The other sounds really tired, and Jongin can imagine how he feels; he can imagine the shock and trauma his brother must have felt watching their father collapse in front of his very eyes.

It takes awhile for him to react, but he eventually hums and hangs up. Dumping his phone on the bench, Jongin sighs and steps onto the ice. The children quickly crowd around him, assuming that he is joining the game, and they tug on his jersey excitedly. But in fact, he just wants some space to himself.

Sometimes, having his skates on the ice is the only remedy.

~

“Why do you look so sad, Jongin hyung?”

Jongin snaps out of his daze and glances at Sehun who is making slow circles around him. The boy is the only one left after class had ended some ten minutes earlier. Jongin had gotten a call from Sehun’s mother to say that she was caught in a bad jam and if he minds staying with Sehun until she could come get him. Of course he had said yes on the spot. After all, he had planned to stay and practise anyways.

“I-I’m not sad.” He curses himself at his stutter, and he sees Sehun narrowing his eyes at him from behind his helmet. It should look threatening, but the boy just looks utterly adorable more than anything.

“You’re lying,” the five-year old accuses. “Mommy said only bad boys lie.”

“Okay, I’m lying. What are you going to do about it,” Jongin growls playfully and picks Sehun up to spin them around. “I’m a bad boy and I’m going to eat you up.” The boy starts giggling at once before begging him to stop because he was getting dizzy. “Want to see something cool, Sehunnie?” he asks, setting the boy down on his feet and holding onto him until he finds his balance again.

“Okay!” The five-year old claps his hands together excitedly and releases a long  _ “woahhhhhh”  _ when Jongin swings into a catch foot layback spin easily. He is only doing this because he wants to distract Sehun (and himself) from the actual cause of his bad mood, and the child being a child, easily buys into it. “Again!” Sehun demands as Jongin slows to a stop after a couple of seconds.

“I know quite a few types of spins… which one do you want to see?”

“You like figure skating too, Jongin hyung?”

“Of course,” he says. “I want to be a figure skater next time and win lots of medals.”

“Like Kyungsoo hyung?” Sehun practically lights up when he mentions his idol’s name, and Jongin can only nod in response. “I used to watch Kyungsoo hyung and Baekhyun hyung on the TV, and I told Mommy I wanted to skate like them too,” the boy divulges. “But then, Daddy says I should learn ice hockey because figure skating is only for girls.” Sehun frowns. The look of sadness on his face is hard for Jongin to ignore.

“You know something, squirt?” He holds onto the other’s shoulders and stares him right in the eye. “My father used to tell me exactly what your father told you about how inappropriate it is for boys to be doing figure skating.”

Sehun cocks his head to the side. “Were you angry when your Daddy said that, Jongin hyung?”

Jongin pauses. “Of course, I was.” He recalls just how upset he was and how he had shouted back at his father. “I hated him so much for telling me what I could or couldn’t do, how he looked down on the sport, and inadvertently, my dream. And despite not having his support, I persevered anyway.” He takes a second to himself before admitting, “but now… I have gradually learnt to channel my anger into determination. I just want to show him I made it. I want to prove him wrong for invalidating my dreams.”

He skates to the end of the rink, and when he returns, he picks up speed and puts his weight on the back outside edge of his right skate. He hears Sehun cheering for him when he lands his double loop jump easily, and just for show, he sticks his arms in the air and yells  _ “tadah!” _

“That was so cool, Jongin hyung!” Sehun rushes up to him (well, as fast as he can go on his skates, that is) and claps his hands excitedly. “Can I be your number 1 fan?” Jongin feels a little shy all of a sudden, because it was a really basic jump with only two rotations, far from what male competitive skaters are doing in competitions, but the child is really hyping him up like he is a God of sorts.

“I thought you were Kyungsoo hyung’s number 1 fan?” he teases.

Sehun eyes light up and he nods excitedly. “Yes! But I can be your fan too. Kyungsoo hyung is very famous already so he has a lot of fans… I can be Jongin hyung’s first fan!”

Jongin hums and pats the other on his helmet.  _ What a cute kid. _

“So if figure skating is your dream too, Sehunnie… I don’t want you to give it up alright? Not because of what others tell you. You have to make your own choices for yourself,” he says.

The five-year old nods determinedly and beams up at him.

_ I will not give up as well,  _ Jongin tells himself.  _ If no Coach wants me, I will just have to learn myself. _

**~**

Kyungsoo wakes with a start and sits up in his king-sized bed, all alone and drenched in sweat.

“Chanyeol,” he whispered to himself in panic and searches around his neck until his fingers wrap themselves around the soundwave ring and engagement ring he wears all the time. They calm him down immediately — their presence a warm reminder that he would always have Chanyeol with him. Maybe not in the way he wants, but at least the other is not totally gone.

Like all other nights, he had dreamt about the accident again.

He remembers it was a cold winter night and they were out because Junmyeon wanted to treat Chanyeol to a birthday dinner, just a couple of days shy of the actual date itself. Seulgi was also back from the UK where she was doing her degree in child psychology, while he was gearing up for the NHK trophy at the end of the month. It was going to be a big family outing, minus Baekhyun because he had some endorsement deal meeting with a fashion label.

They were having such a great time in the Michelin Star restaurant that Junmyeon had recommended — catching up and satisfying their stomachs with more sashimi they could ever hope for. It was when they were on the way to drop Junmyeon off at his apartment, when they were battling it out for the crown of Rap King with some old Show Me the Money songs that the crash happened.

Kyungsoo remembers hearing screams, either Seulgi’s or his own (he does not know), before he was thrown out to the road. He thought he was wearing his seatbelt so that should not have happened.

But it did, and what a price he paid in the end.

He had lost consciousness before the police and ambulance even got to the scene of the accident; he blacked out even before he could check on Chanyeol and his sister.

Kyungsoo wipes off the sweat lining his forehead and removes the duvet over his legs before sliding himself to the edge of the bed. He looks up when he hears a soft bark and the tinkling of bells, and soon a white fluffy head pops up over the edge of his bed and settles on his lap.

Gominnie used to be Chanyeol’s Samoyed puppy. His boyfriend had named him that because he kind of resembled a bear with his size. But Gominnie belongs to him now, and Kyungsoo adores and pampers him, even though he had often nagged at Chanyeol in the past when he kept feeding the puppy treats just because he could not say no to those eyes. 

“I’m just going to make myself a cup of tea in the kitchen,” he tells Gominnie, petting him on the head and ruffling his soft furry ears. The puppy only steps aside temporarily when he picks up his iPhone on the bedside drawer and pulls his wheelchair closer to haul himself onto it. He sticks to Kyungsoo’s side the second he is seated and follows him all the way to the kitchen.

Sometimes, he wonders if Gominnie is a guardian angel planted by Chanyeol to stay and watch over him because the latter can only do so much from above.

“Do you want some water as well?” he asks before entering the kitchen, passing by the puppy’s empty bowls by the door. It should be a simple task — filling the kettle, bringing it to a boil, pouring the hot water in his mug and then dumping a sachet of tea in. But he finds himself already hitting a road bump at the first step.

It takes ages for him to even fill the water and lift the kettle from the sink in his wheelchair, then came the difficulties in maneuvering around the tight space. He thinks he should really get around to replacing all his furniture with more wheelchair-friendly ones, and perhaps improve the layout of his home, when he bumps into the row of cupboards beneath the sink.

But his frustration at not being able to accomplish these mundane tasks he used to think lightly of boils over when he falls to the floor after stretching his body forward to place the kettle in its holder. The helper his parents had hired for him must have moved it away from the edge of the counter when she visited this morning to stock up his refrigerator.

“Fuck! Useless piece of shit,” he curses and rains punches down on his legs, before grabbing at his hair in frustration. Gominnie panics and jumps all over him and the puddle of water on the floor at once. He barks loudly and Kyungsoo quickly stops his self-blame in favour of getting the puppy to quiet before his neighbours come knocking.

“I’m fine,” he says, pushing away the puppy’s head when he licks his chin to check on him. But he remains on the kitchen floor, not bothering to pull himself up and onto the wheelchair once more.

Kyungsoo is not,  _ in fact _ , fine.

His arms are aching from over-exerting himself all the time because he has to compensate for not being able to move his lower body. Also, his mind is  _ exhausted _ .

He is tired from not being able to do anything right anymore.

He is tired from having to cope with his new way of life.

He thinks it is bullshit whenever someone comments that he should move on; that Chanyeol would want him to live looking forward and not back. It is easy to say, yes, but to act on it is extremely hard given how big a part of his life Chanyeol was (is).

It is already three in the morning and his phone shows he has two series of text messages from both Seulgi and Baekhyun respectively. They must be worried, he thinks. After spending the morning at Jongdae’s skating rink, he had gone for his appointment with Joohyun where he had experienced a complete  _ meltdown _ (speaking of which, he should really find time to apologise to his friend). Then, it was straight home where he had crashed on his bed immediately and slept through dinner.

A routine day for him ever since the accident, really. He is so accustomed to it now that he does not feel the pain of hunger and boredom of staring into space or drowning himself in bad memories. Some days, he just sits at home and does nothing productive. He has nothing to live for anymore anyways.

It had slipped his mind to check his phone earlier. His parents, Seulgi, Baekhyun and Junmyeon take turns to check on him every day, and each time he gets a text or call, he puts on his best front and tells them he is doing fine.

He wonders if they see through his lies.

They probably do, but out of respect for him, they know never to point it out.

Kyungsoo lets out a little grunt when Gominnie lies down beside him and drops his head on his stomach. It seems the puppy has decided for him his bed for the remainder of the night should be the kitchen floor. It is not that uncomfortable though, so he supposes it is fine.

He has always felt a little bad for the puppy, for having to deal with such a weak, useless owner. That is why he always tries to compensate in the form of hugs and treats.

Gominnie whines and licks his hand when he strokes his head. It will take some time for him to fall asleep again, so he figures he shall reply to his loved ones’ texts before he gets an unwanted visit from them in the morning.

Seulgi’s handful of texts are all on informing him that she will be back in the country next week. She has recently completed her fourth year of studies and will be back for good. Kyungsoo had to miss her graduation though, for it was rather inconvenient for him to travel in his state. He makes a mental note to make it up to her soon. 

He frowns when he gets to Baekhyun’s series of bipolar texts however. His best friend had first sent him a video he had found online, promising him a good laugh. Kyungsoo does not even bother with downloading it to view its content. But when Baekhyun did not get a reply (because Kyungsoo was sleeping), he had proceeded to send him a bunch of emoticons and cringey nicknames, before ending it off with a threat — that their friendship is off if he fails to call him back within the hour.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and decides to send Baekhyun a short reply, even though it has been a couple of hours now since a reply was due, just to prove that he is not dead.

**[From: Kyungsoo | 03:19 KST]**

I was sleeping

you fool

He startles when his phone actually starts buzzing, signaling an incoming call.

“Kyungsooooooo… don’t break up with me, bestie. I was only kidding!” Kyungsoo has to distance his phone from his ear when Baekhyun greets him with a loud whine.

“Why are you awake at this hour?” he asks instead.

“I’m in Bangkok for a workshop, remember? It’s only 1 plus here, but yes, I’m preparing to sleep soon.”

_ Oh.  _ Now that the other says it, he does recall him mentioning about traveling overseas some time back — something about teaching aspiring young skaters and grooming them for some upcoming local competition.

“Why are  _ you  _ awake?” Baekhyun shoots back.

“… ” He lets out a heavy sigh. “I can’t sleep,” he eventually admits.

Thankfully, the other does not comment on it further, only letting out a soft hum in response. Kyungsoo is really appreciative because of that. He knows his best friend understands his unwillingness to open up sometimes and knows when not to push boundaries. Baekhyun is good like that.

“Why did you call me though?” he asks as he runs his fingers through Gominnie’s fur. “And couldn’t it have waited till morning?”

“Junmyeon wants to see you tomorrow actually,” the other says. “I tried fishing for more information, but the man’s lips are sealed. I’ve no idea what this is for.”

Kyungsoo frowns. Whenever his former Coach reaches out to him indirectly, either through his friends or family members, he feels some dread building within him. Because he knows if Junmyeon dares not to call or text him himself, whatever the other wants to say, the other knows he would likely take to it badly.

“He isn’t taking no for an answer, Soo,” Baekhyun adds. “Said he will be at the Kims’ facility tomorrow at noon and he will wait however long it takes for you to show up. You know him and his stubbornness. Just go and hear what he has to say, okay?”

_ I can be stubborn too _ , he wants to counter. But in the end, he relents and mutters out an “okay” before hanging up. He knows Baekhyun is definitely texting Junmyeon right now, so there is no way he can take that back anymore. He has nothing else on anyways. He supposes he could spare his friend a couple of minutes.

_ The Kims’ facility,  _ he thinks. He was just there this morning actually. The ice rink there has become somewhat of a place he could tolerate whenever he feels like taking a trip down memory lane to his glory days.

Kyungsoo ends up falling asleep at the memory of the handsome Hockey Coach and the certain familiarity he brings with his face.

~

Kyungsoo thought no one would dare bother him if he had on his headphones and minded his own business while lying in the center of the ice. But no. He is proven wrong once again, twice in the span of two days actually, when he hears someone skating over to him. Bless the brave soul who dares approach him because he is all ready to fight to keep his space; mind already preparing his arsenal of curse words to use.

Unlike the guy in the hockey gear who had approached him yesterday to ask him to leave because he needed to prepare for some class or whatnot, the person skating up to him today is a much clumsier and slower skater — Kyungsoo hears it in the way he or she moves across the ice in inconsistent glides, and how he or she trips over their own feet here and there. Although the lightness of his or her steps betrays their weight and definitely smaller build.

Kyungsoo waits to open his eyes. Not for the first time since his conversation with Baekhyun over the phone ended last night, or should he say early in the morning, he regrets agreeing to meet up with Junmyeon at the rink. Maybe he should have suggested that his Coach come up to his apartment instead of him making his way down. Then he would not be subjected to the need to talk to others, and for others to see him in his wheelchair again.

Also, Junmyeon is late  _ again _ , because time is  _ not _ of the essence to him apparently.  _ _

Before he knows it, the person approaching him trips and crashes onto the ice, right next to him, and it results in him getting a blade on his shoulder. It does not hurt because the other was going really slow and does not weigh much, but he still sits right up with a murderous expression on his face. “What the fuck do you—” he shuts up right away when he sees a small kid looking up at him with teary eyes.

It is the boy from yesterday — the one who had held onto his hands and beamed up at him, calling him his hero.  _ Sehun, was it?  _ Kyungsoo glances around for it does not make sense for a kid so young to be alone on the ice, and when he looks in the direction of the gates, he thinks he spots the same Hockey Coach from yesterday quickly ducking down and out of sight.

He looks at Sehun again and snorts.  _ Did that guy really just sent a kid out here to ask me to leave because he is too afraid to do it himself? _

“Are you mad?”

Kyungsoo startles and stares at the boy in silence when the latter speaks. Sehun looks like he is on the brink of tears and Kyungsoo realises just how scary he must look at the moment, so he tries to mask his expression behind a blank face.

“I’m sorry I fell down! I just started skating two months ago.” It appears the boy has given up the thought of getting back onto his feet as he sits primly and clasps his hands over his lap shyly. “Don’t be mad at me, Kyungsoo hyung.” Sehun pouts up at him with those  _ puppy eyes _ and Kyungsoo wavers.

“It’s okay. I’m not mad,” he replies gruffly.

“But you said the f-word,” Sehun points out innocently. “Mommy said good boys cannot say the f-word. Are you not a good boy, Kyungsoo hyung?”

Kyungsoo finds himself rendered speechless.  _ What the fuck is wrong with this kid? _

“I’m not mad,” he repeats himself. “Now go away.” He tries to make this shooing motion with his hands, but Sehun is not having it. The boy scoots even closer and clings onto his arm, giggling when he does not denied. By now, Kyungsoo is glancing around more desperately, sending out distress signals to anyone in the vicinity. Maybe Junmyeon will finally appear and take him away from this ray of sunshine insisting to befriend him.

“I’m glad you’re not mad at, Kyungsoo hyung,” Sehun smiles up at him. “I don’t like when the people I like are mad because of me.”

“Why do you even like me?” He grimaces when the kid squeals and hugs onto his waist, and when he looks up, he makes eye contact with the hiding Hockey Coach. Kyungsoo lifts up an arm at once and beckons urgently for the other to come forward, sensing a way out of his tight situation. If Sehun squeezes any harder, he fears he will lose the feeling in his upper body to go with his legs. But he narrows his eyes into a glare when the Hockey Coach merely shakes his head hesitantly and ducks back out of sight.

_ Idiot,  _ he sneers inwardly.

“I like Kyungsoo hyung’s skating! I want to be a figure skater too! You’re my hero!” Sehun declares. Kyungsoo scoffs. The boy looks way too young to have seen him skate before. Perhaps his parents showed him clips of his past performances? Sehun rises to his feet unsteadily. “Daddy used to say I cannot be a figure skater because I’m a boy, but Jongin hyung says I can be whatever I want to be!”

“Well, good on you then,” Kyungsoo nods dismissively and starts to slide back to the walls of the rink now that the boy does not have a hold on him. He has decided to give up waiting for Junmyeon. Whatever his former Coach has to say, it must not be that important after all since he cannot even keep his promised meeting time.

“I like Jongin hyung a lot too!” Sehun struggles to keep up with Kyungsoo while skating, and he almost has a heart attack when the boy stumbles and flails. Thankfully, he manages to grab onto the other by the back of his shirt to steady him.

“Careful,” he mutters.

“Jongin hyung says he will teach me how to skate. He wants to be a figure skater like Kyungsoo hyung too. He is your fan too, like me!”

Kyungsoo grunts in reply, the other’s words floating in and out of his ear, and makes his way forward slower this time, just so Sehun could keep up without falling and cracking his head open. He does not know why he is being so considerate when every cell in his body is urging him to leave as quickly as he can for the comfort of his own apartment.

“Jongin hyung! I told Kyungsoo hyung you like him too,” Sehun yells out innocently when he reaches the walls, and Kyungsoo wants to laugh at the distressed  _ “You told him what?!”  _ the kid gets as a reply. The face of the Hockey Coach, now identified as Jongin, flushes red when Kyungsoo pulls himself up onto his wheelchair with the help of the railings and glares at him.

_ _

_ This is for hiding pathetically earlier. _

“Don’t listen to him… I don’t like you!” Jongin blurts out before realising what he had said and getting into panic mode at once. “Wait, I don’t mean it like that actually, I like—”

“Well, I dislike you too, so that is fair,” Kyungsoo interjects and wheels himself away.

He can hear Jongin letting out a whine behind him and Sehun supposedly chiding the other for his bad behaviour. “Jongin hyung! You’re a big meanie… I don’t like you anymore!” Kyungsoo could imagine the pout on the young boy’s face and he cannot help but crack a small smile.

He supposes the kid has grown on him already, and he cannot say he minds.

~

_ _

_ _

It turns out he is not able to run from Junmyeon because his former Coach pulls up just as he was prepared to call his driver to come pick him up.

“Oh thank god I caught you! There was an accident near—  _ oh _ , sorry.” The other must have seen the way he tensed up at the mention of an accident and catches himself quickly. “Anyway, I’ve something important to ask you… shall we head back in? I believe Jongin is still here. We can use the meeting room on the first floor if there are other people around.”

Kyungsoo frowns and follows after Junmyeon.

“Firstly, how do you know that boy called Jongin? And what is it you have to say to me that we need to go to the extent of using a private space? I was just in the rink… their kids class or whatever has not started yet and there are no parents around. Can’t you just let me know so I can head back straight after this and sleep?” The Coach pauses and turns around confused.

“Why wouldn’t I not know Jongin? He’s Jongdae’s baby brother… How do  _ you _ not remember him? You’ve met him before!” Junmyeon snorts, looking at him like he has grown another head.

Kyungsoo comes to a stop beside the other when he leads them back to the rink and he sees in the distance the said guy and Sehun watching them curiously from where he had left them.

“I’ve met him before?” he frowns. “I cannot recall.” He studies Jongin’s face more carefully this time, in case it sparks a distant memory, but when the other realises he is looking, he ducks his head shyly again. Kyungsoo snorts.  _ What is with him and hiding away from me all the time?  _ Kyungsoo nudges Junmyeon on the arm and tells the other to sit on a nearby bench. It is tiring to always strain his neck to look up.

“He’s an ice hockey player like Jongdae—  _ well,  _ not anymore, I suppose… apparently he wants to be a professional figure skater now and he’s looking around for someone to coach him. Minseok told me about this. I wanted to speak to you on a similar matter actually, Kyungsoo,” the Coach says.

This is when he gives his friend his fullest attention.

“Long story short, I want you on my coaching staff, Doh Kyungsoo.” Kyungsoo’s jaw drops at once. Whatever he had thought Junmyeon wanted to say, this is worse. “I think the sport has lost you for enough time now… come back to the ice, okay?”

“You want me to  _ what _ , sorry?” he deadpans.

“The team is gearing up for the new season ahead and the guy who has been helping me out returned to his home country last month. I cannot cope with all the skaters I have. The academy is also starting up a new training arm. I know you’re more than qualified to teach the current batch of skaters we have… just help me out here, will you? I can put you with Baek if that makes you more comfortable—”

“Are you insane? What makes you think I want to come back to the ice? Does it give you great pleasure to see me watch other skaters, be it Baekhyun or my other friends, skating in competitions while all I can do is watch on enviously from the sidelines? Do you think I’m a joke, Junmyeon?” Kyungsoo raises his voice.

The Coach raises his hands in mock surrender at once and places his hand on his knee comfortingly.

“You know I will never, my friend. It’s okay if you are not ready. I will never force you, Kyungsoo. I know you love the ice too much to let it go… perhaps time is all you need. But just think about it okay? The board is putting pressure on me to reach out to you and they are not letting go of you so easily, especially with your bond still in place until the end of next year. If they decide to cut you off just like that—” Junmyeon sighs, “I don’t even want to go there. But I know of skaters who have gone down that route before and it never ends pretty.”

Kyungsoo scoffs. “So what? If I don’t return to the academy, I will be forced to pay the price for breaking my contract deal? And if I cannot afford it, they will take me to Court? Are you threatening me? You cannot do that to me, Junmyeon. I can come back as a Coach… I have even thought about it, but not so soon please. It has only been six months. Surely there is a way out of this?”

Everything about this situation is just ridiculous. Kyungsoo tightens his grip on his wheelchair. He can feel himself gradually slipping into a breakdown, and that is the last thing he wants happening here.

“Calm down, Kyungsoo.” He hears the alarmed tone Junmyeon is using and he feels warm hands on his shoulders before the other hugs him to his chest. Junmyeon sighs. “Let me talk to the board again. And if that doesn’t work, I will talk to Baekhyun and we will work something out for you. Between the two of us, we can probably buy you out of your contract if needed. You don’t have to come back if you are not re—”

“Is everything alright here?” Kyungsoo freezes when he hears Jongin’s voice and he looks up to see the said guy standing close, with Sehun peeking around his legs. The look of worry on Jongin’s face is clear as day and Sehun looks concerned as well. Kyungsoo realises belatedly that it is the tears falling down his cheeks that have attracted their attention. That and how Junmyeon is clearly comforting him. He quickly turns around to hide his face in his friend’s shirt.

“He’s fine, Jongin. You don’t need to worry,” Junmyeon says.

There is a pregnant pause before Jongin speaks again, but this time with more hesitation. “I-I’m sorry, but I kind of overheard some bits of your conversation…” Kyungsoo feels all the air in his lungs leave at once. “You’re not really giving up on figure skating completely right, Kyungsoo hyung?” Jongin asks. “Take all the time you need, but you cannot just walk away!” The agitated tone the other uses triggers him. 

“And who are you to say that to me?” he surfaces to snap at the other who barely flinches, but it scares Sehun who recoils and goes to hide behind Jongin’s legs once more. Kyungsoo quells the sense of guilt he feels in his heart.

“I have the right to say that to you because I’m your fan, Kyungsoo hyung. So is Sehun here and many others out there. We are your fans and we have not forgotten you. The world has not forgotten your legacy,” Jongin says this so calmly it holds Kyungsoo’s attention. “You might not remember it but I told you your skating had a  _ huge  _ impact on my life. You were the one who inspired me to chase after my dreams and I admire you so much for it. I’m sure there are many similar stories out there. But now, hearing that you want to give up all your past so easily… I feel like taking back all respect I ever had for you.”

He looks up and meets Jongin’s hard stare.

“What happened to you was tragic. I understand that. My mother was taken from me when I was very young too and now my father will soon see the same fate, I think?” Jongin chokes up. “My mother — the closest person to me. Did I cry? Yes. Did I think of leaving to join her? Yes, of course. Do I miss her? So, so much… every single day,” he shakes his head.

Kyungsoo slips his eyes shut. Jongin’s words relate to him in so many ways and hearing it from another mouth educates him that he is not alone in this lonely battle. He is not the worst, and that there are others out there in the world with similar or more suffering than him.

“But I moved on. I had to— and I know you probably hated it every time someone tells you to  _ move on _ , trust me I know, but you know what I realised if I did not be brave and move on? If I kept going back to the past, I would be forsaking everyone else who still cares for me in the present and who loves me so much to see me just wither away. Look at me now… I’m not exactly doing well. I want to skate, but no Coach wants me. The road is tough, but am I giving up the journey? No.”

Kyungsoo does not know why he is getting sudden glimpses of past memories of him comforting Jongin in the showers, giving him a hug and passing advice. But before he can think deeper into it, he hears Jongin sigh.

“I moved on so I hope you do too. I hope you see that you are not alone… I will be so disappointed if you give up skating or anything related to it entirely. Your friends and family, even the world, will be too. And if that day comes, I will have to question myself why I had looked up to you in the first place, because I don’t want to look up to a coward who does not know how to get back up when life gets him down,” the other rounds off his mini rant and plops down on the nearest bench.

It is a rude awakening for Kyungsoo. He looks up when he feels small hands grabbing onto his, looking at Sehun behind the tears welling up in his eyes.

“Don’t give up, Kyungsoo hyung,” the boy pleads and squeezes his hands. “I want to see you on the ice again.” Watching Sehun earlier had reminded him so much of himself when he was little actually — how he had a big dream from when he was still young, and how he had looked up to another as his inspiration to skate. And from what Jongin has just shared, he probably looks at Kyungsoo the same way.

Kyungsoo does not know if he has the heart to kill their dreams.

“Whatever decision you make, I will be fully behind you,” Junmyeon pats his shoulder in assurance. “J-Just think about coming back to coach one more time hmm?” he urges. “If you prefer not to be with the National Team, we can try having you spearhead the new training arm.”

All Kyungsoo can do at that moment is nod and squeeze Sehun’s hand back.

“Okay, let me think about it.”

He finds himself looking at Jongin for a moment for some reason, and he has to calm the growing feeling within. The other’s gentle smile stirs the fire Kyungsoo feels have reignited in him — that of his love for the sport. He swallows hard and breaks eye contact with him.

“I will call you when I have an answer,” he says, to which Junmyeon lets out a non-committal hum.

“Of course, Kyungsoo. Now let us get you home… do you need a ride?”

He cannot seem to shake the heavy stare at the side of his face as they leave the rink. 

~

After an unscheduled visit to Joohyun’s office in the afternoon where they had spent many minutes in discussion, as well as a long night in bed contemplating Jongin and Junmyeon’s words, Kyungsoo thinks he has finally come to a decision. When dawn breaks over the horizon, he quickly picks up his phone on the bedside table and dials Junmyeon’s number. The sooner he gets this over with the better; just like ripping off a bandaid.

Gominnie whines and licks his arm from where the puppy is settled beside him on the bed to get him to stop moving but Kyungsoo cannot help it. He can barely contain his nervousness.

He opens his mouth to speak when he hears Junmyeon pick up the call on the other end, but before he can get a word in, he hears a loud  _ thump  _ and a very colourful string of curses before the call gets disconnected.

Kyungsoo stares at his phone in disbelief and quickly dials his friend’s number again. This time, Junmyeon picks up at the first ring.

“Hello, Kyungsoo??”

He scoffs. From the other’s expectant voice, he must have only just realised who was calling. “Sorry for earlier… I fell out of bed. Guess you could say I’m not the most coherent and coordinated person at six in the morning. Why are you calling? Have you thought about my offer?” Junmyeon rushes out in a single breath. He has to remind the other to breathe, and it is comical that the Coach does as he is told at once, exhaling loudly into the speaker.

“Yeah, I have thought long and hard about your offer,” Kyungsoo says in a soft voice. “I’m not saying I’m ready to go back to help out in the National Team so I might need yours and Baek’s help with the buyout clause—”

“Oh… Of course. Okay, no problem, Kyungsoo…  _ but _ ? I sense a but coming up. Right? My senses are tingling so do not hold me in suspense any longer,” Junmyeon sounds so optimistic.

“You’re the one who keeps interrupting me,” Kyungsoo points out, stroking Gominnie’s fur gently. He chuckles when the other lets out an indignant noise, but then there is utter silence all of a sudden. He glances at his phone and notes the call is still connected. Confused, he says hesitantly, “Erm, are you still there, hyung?”

“You laughed,” Junmyeon breaks his silence. “You have not laughed since…” Kyungsoo blinks. He did not even realise he had laughed, or it would have meant so much to the other. Perhaps it is the cumulation of the emotions he is feeling right now. “I think I’m going to cry. I’m so proud of the fact that I made you laugh, I need to tell Baekhyun. Please hold.”

Before Kyungsoo can even protest, Junmyeon’s colour ringtone starts playing in his ear — some upbeat girl group song — and he rolls his eyes because is the other seriously calling Baekhyun right now?!

Kyungsoo huffs in frustration and stews in his impatience. He cannot wait to get the words out of his mouth. Joohyun seems to think highly of his decision too, mentioning it would be good for his recovery during their short session together this afternoon. He cannot wait to let his closest friends know.

Just as he starts to mouth the song lyric that has been repeating in his ear for the longest time — something about peekaboo and a game of hide-and-seek, he supposes — Junmyeon picks up the call again.

_ _

“Hey, sorry to keep you waiting.”

Kyungsoo hears sniffling and he cracks a smile. “Are you seriously crying because of what I said, hyung?”

“I’m crying, Baekhyun is also crying, but not before cursing the hell out of me for waking him up so early. He said he will call you later by the way. We’re all crying but who cares? This is a really touching moment, okay? We have missed you so much, Kyungsoo. We have missed hearing you laugh.”

Kyungsoo’s heart warms at the other’s admission. He also feels sorry for making his friends go through what they had when he was still lingering in his dark space. His fingers leave Gominnie’s fur and curl around the rings he wears around his neck.

“We’re starting the day right by crying.  _ I love it _ ! So what was the  _ but  _ you were about to say, my dear Kyungsoo? It’s fine if you aren’t ready to come back to help out in the National Team just yet… just tell me you’re not giving up the sport altogether and I will be extremely happy,” Junmyeon sniffles dramatically again.

“You guys were right that I love skating too much to just walk away from it,” Kyungsoo says in a soft voice. “I want to give it a try… coaching, I mean.”

“Wait, coaching?” He can almost hear Junmyeon’s double-take and confusion. “But you just said you’re not ready to be on the coaching staff for the National Team?”

“You said yesterday the academy has a new training arm?”

“Yes, but that’s more targeted at beginner or novice skaters. Are you thinking about it?”

“How many skaters are in the programme already?”

Junmyeon must be getting confused at his line of questions because he says hesitantly, “None so far but we have gotten some who have expressed interest. We’re not looking at a big group to start off per se. Perhaps ten newbies paired to an assigned Coach each so there is more learning and development from one-on-one coaching?”

Kyungsoo takes a second to consider if he will regret asking this.

“Is K-Kim Jongin, Jongdae’s brother… joining the programme?” his voice trails off, and he senses from Junmyeon’s sharp intake of breath that the other must know where this is leading now. “You mentioned he is looking for a Coach? How long has it been since he quit ice hockey for figure? I have a feeling I should know this, but I just cannot seem to recall.”

“Hold on, let me just clarify this… you want to coach  _ Jongin _ ?” The other’s voice decibel level rises. Kyungsoo has to quickly pull his phone away from his ear lest he turns deaf. “Sorry if I’m being blunt, but you do realise he is a  _ little _ too old to be starting out training to be a professional figure skater right? Yes, he has the basic skating knowledge locked down from his hockey days, but he might only get to do national competitions, nothing beyond that scale. You know that?”

“I know that,” Kyungsoo says. “He is,  _ what _ , 16? 17 this year?”

“I’m pretty sure he is 20 this year.”

_ Okay _ , maybe he should have thought about this longer. Jongin is slightly older than what he had thought, but there is no taking back his decision anymore.

“His age doesn’t really matter.”

“That is a load of bullcrap, and we both know that. Kim Jongin… are you sure?”

“Positive,” Kyungsoo replies.

“Why though? I cannot seem to wrap my head around it.”

He thinks back to what Jongin had said to him in the rink yesterday — when he had shared about his painful memory with his mother and when he had basically called Kyungsoo out for being a coward. That had really woken him up.

“I admire his courage,” he says eventually. “And his determination. I was exactly like him before I found you, hyung.” Junmyeon makes a small sound of acknowledgement. “Don’t look down on him just yet. Also, do you not have faith in me? I predict his strong character will bring him many places. It will take some time for him to drop his hockey habits and pick up figure skills, yes… but he is not as bulky as the regular hockey guys anyway. In fact, his body shape is good enough for a figure skater’s so I guess there is that for a first win.”

Junmyeon sighs. “Well, I have less reason to doubt him if he is in your capable hands. Let me give him a call later in the morning to discuss this. He will be very happy to hear this, I can guarantee you that. The poor kid has been waiting for a chance like this for a really long time.”

“I’m sure.” Kyungsoo says. “I just hope I don’t regret this.” 

~


	5. Chapter 5

Forget excitement, happiness and the disbelief he had first felt some hours earlier.

Jongin has never felt more terrified in his entire life.

“You can do this, Jongin! Give me a smile,” Minseok claps him on the shoulder and snorts when all he can manage is a constipated look. “Don’t overthink it. Just dance and skate like you know how to. I believe in you,” the other says. He is thankful to have Minseok here. The other could be such a motivational speaker, not that Jongin does not still feel like throwing up though.

He nods and steps onto the ice, but he does not let go of the walls just yet. It is funny because he has skated plenty of times in this rink before, but no occasion quite compares to this.

“Anytime you’re ready, Jongin,” Junmyeon gives him an encouraging nod and gestures to the middle of the rink. “You’re trained in ballet right? Let me play you the classic Chopin Ballade No. 1… just go with the flow of the music. There is no need to overdo things. Kyungsoo and I are just here to assess your current level of skills, so whatever jumps or spins you know, feel free to showcase them. No pressure.”

At the mention of Kyungsoo’s name, Jongin lets out a shaky breath and makes his way to the center of the ice.

_No pressure. Yeah, right. _He swears he can feel bile building at the back of his throat.

Jongin was definitely not expecting to wake up this morning to Junmyeon’s call telling him he had enrolled him in the National Skating Academy’s new training programme and that there was a Coach who was interested to take him under his wings.

“Sorry, what did you say? Can you repeat that?” he had muttered into his phone, voice gruff because the other was disrupting his unfulfilled eight hours of beauty sleep.

“I said I have someone who is interested to be your Coach, Jongin.” Junmyeon’s chirpy voice rids him of all remnants of sleep at once and Jongin shoots up to sit cross-legged on his bed. He thinks he also made a dying whale noise but he will neither confirm nor deny it now. “You don’t have any classes today, do you? Get up, wash up and I shall see you at your family’s rink, alright?”

He nods frantically until he realises Junmyeon cannot see him. “Y-Yes! Thank you!” he chokes out. He does have a lecture around noon, but he supposes it will not matter since this is not the first time he is skipping. “Oh my god, I have been waiting for a chance like this for so long… how did you manage to find me a Coach? Who is he? Or is he a she? Wait that sounded wrong… but you know what I mean. I’m rambling, am I not? Do I know them? I love them so much already, I cannot believe—”

“Of course you know him, Jongin,” Junmyeon had laughed and hung up right away. And it was not until Jongin arrived at his family’s rink that he sees Junmyeon and Kyungsoo waiting for him to open the door when he connects the dots. He was actually contemplating making a run for it since the pair had yet to spot him, but he lost his chance the second Junmyeon yelled his name and waved him over.

_Deep breaths, Kim Jongin. Pull yourself together._

He comes to a stop in the center of the ice and looks up. It is nerve-wrecking knowing that this is a do or die moment for him. Kyungsoo looks so serious watching him from the side. In fact, Jongin has not heard him speak ever since he got here. He does not know if Kyungsoo being his potential Coach was voluntary on the latter’s part or he was being forced to by Junmyeon. Either way, Jongin wants to impress them. He wants to prove to them that he still has a fighting chance at his age.

There is something different in knowing that you are about to skate in front of the man who had inspired you to skate. It is both terrifying and exhilarating, and he just hopes he does not succumb to his nerves. He exhales deeply and gets into ready ballet fourth position, before Junmyeon starts the music.

_Do your best, _ he tells himself as he stays motionless, letting the first few piano chords run over him. _ You cannot screw this up! _And when the first break in the music comes, he pushes off with his back foot and skates instinctively.

He does not have a ready programme — he has no choreographer and no famous composer to supply him with songs — so he tries to incorporate familiar ballet elements in his skate now and even throws in the jumps and spins he has been training himself to do all these years. It is not easy skating in time with the music, and he knows he is not perfect, hence why he stumbles on the landing during the opening attempt at a double lutz.

“Go Jongin!” He hears Minseok cheering for him from the sidelines and he shakes the fall away at once, putting in even more effort in the next jumping pass, which thankfully he narrowly succeeds in pulling off. He smiles and dives into a catch foot layback and biellmann spin after that. These are slightly easier for him to handle.

He thinks he does pretty well for the rest of his jumps, except one toe loop when he had to touch the ice to keep himself from falling, but he has always been more confident in his spins anyway. So when Jongin thinks the music is drawing to a close, he puts in all he has into a proper combination of spins before coming to a halt with his hands extended up in the air. It is a little offbeat, but it should do, and Minseok bursts out into applause once he lets out the deep breath he had held in and relaxes his body.

Kyungsoo and Junmyeon look to be engaged in conversation, and it worries him a little how they saw his skating.

“I’m so proud, Jongin!” Minseok greets him with a hug when he walks off ice and hands him his blade covers. “All your self-training must have paid off! I didn’t know you were that good…”

“Stop it, hyung. I’m sure I’m not as good as you say.” Jongin smiles widely at the other and glances expectantly at Junmyeon and Kyungsoo when they turn to him collectively.

The frown on the latter’s face looks ominous, and that makes Jongin’s face fall at once.

“Not bad, Jongin,” Junmyeon starts off. “Your interpretation of the music was good at times… I guess that is where your dance background helped. Really solid spins as well, which is impressive for someone with little experience and who has been self-training.”

_But? _Somehow, he cannot feel happy at the praise he is getting yet because he sees in Junmyeon’s shifty eyes that there is more, and that more is likely to be something negative.

“Your attempts at jumps were not bad, but I think—”

“Oh cut the bullcrap already, hyung,” Kyungsoo interrupts and wheels himself forward so that he is just a step away from Jongin. “Kim Jongin,” he calls out, and his voice automatically makes Jongin straighten up. 

_Oh boy… _he braces himself for whatever is to come, and sure enough, Kyungsoo is not one to be the good cop in a good cop bad cop situation, unlike Junmyeon.

The other digs into Jongin like he is his first meal after going months without food.

“You have been learning to skate by yourself these past three years?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Yes, I have,” he squeaks out.

“I don’t know why you were smiling earlier.” Jongin freezes. “You have nothing to be proud of,” Kyungsoo says coldly.

“Hey! Why are you being such an asshole,” Minseok lets out an indignant noise on his behalf, but all Jongin can do is stare at Kyungsoo with his mouth open, his expression lost. “Why are you acting like this, Soo?” He can hear the older guy asking his friend this.

“Your only positives are your flexibility and interpretation of the music. Other than those two, your spins are passable in training but definitely not in competitions, and your jumps—” the other scoffs, ignoring Minseok’s earlier question. “Your jumps are too sloppy. You still skate like an ice hockey player. Your take-off is heavy because of your weight and you don’t spin fast enough in the air and that is why you barely managed two rotations per jump. You will not make it when everyone else on the ice is doing quads and triple axels.”

Jongin curls in on himself pathetically and looks down at his skates. He knew he could trust Kyungsoo to speak the truth, but it hurts especially since he had worked so hard to even get to this level of skating in these past three years. He knows he is no World and Olympic Champion like the other, but is it not commendable enough that he had taught himself all these with no external help and resources? If the other wants him to raise his game, he will most definitely need a Coach first and foremost.

“What Kyungsoo is trying to say is that you are a diamond in the rough, Jongin.” Junmyeon shoots Kyungsoo a glare when the latter scoffs, and Jongin can quite confirm the other does not share Junmyeon’s sentiments. “I’m sure with his help, your skating will evolve.” The Coach pats him on the shoulder.

“Oh, I rescind my offer to be his Coach, hyung,” Kyungsoo says. The casual way he says it too is like a bolt of lightning has just struck Jongin.

The panicked _ “What?!” _slips from his mouth at once. “No, you cannot take it back!” he raises his voice. “I need a Coach. I need y-you…” He quickly steps in front of Kyungsoo to block the other’s way when he makes it seem like he is leaving.

Kyungsoo glares up at him in return, but Jongin stays resolute. That is until the other decides to roll forward regardless and he jumps out of the way quickly because he knows it would still hurt if the other rolls over his feet, even with his skates still on.

“Oh, come on!” Jongin whines as he watches after Kyungsoo’s retreating back. “When you won your gold medal at Four Continents three years ago… do you remember what you told the media when they asked you how you felt at the post-finals press conference?” He feels a sliver of hope in him when Kyungsoo stops abruptly, and he sees Minseok and Junmyeon exchange curious looks from the corner of his eye.

“You said no one believed in your abilities growing up. That no one saw you beating the odds as you overcame past injuries to compete against big names. Everyone told you to give up, but because your loved ones stood by you, it motivated you to work harder and prove to the rest you’re not weak. And that is why that first gold medal you got was extra special. It was not your reward, but your family’s.”

Jongin knows and remembers this because he has a print out of the feature on Kyungsoo’s victory in his room. Even though the paper has yellowed somewhat and with the ink gone faint, he still looks at the other’s words like they were his source of motivation every day, whenever he comes back tired and demoralised.

“When the reporters asked if you would go into coaching one day, you said Junmyeon hyung brought you in even when no one wanted to train you; even though it was a _ big gamble. _” The said Coach stands a little taller and comes up to his side. “You said you would forever be grateful to him and should you be in his position one day you would like to bestow the same kind of kindness to someone who needs that kind of faith and trust,” Jongin tries to keep his voice steady even as Kyungsoo turns around in his wheelchair.

“Why— w-why can’t that person be me?”

Minseok squeezes his shoulder comfortingly when his voice breaks.

“Three years ago, when you found me crying in the showers after my father told me I was not his son and that he doesn’t support me going into figure skating, you told me I would do well regardless. You made me a promise that you would help me however you could. You also claimed you do not break promises. Ever.” Jongin shrugs in a nonchalant fashion. “I thought you were a man of your word.”

There is a long period of silence before Kyungsoo eventually speaks.

“I don’t like him,” the other says this to Junmyeon while lifting a finger to point in Jongin’s direction. “He’s rude, way too ambitious and he has quite a mouth to go with. I don’t like him,” Kyungsoo repeats sharply while staring at Jongin.

Jongin holds his breath and the other’s intense stare. He feels like the other has trapped him in a small enclosed space and he has no way out except to face him head on.

“Well,” Junmyeon coughs to break the silence, and they both turn to look at him simultaneously. The Coach actually takes a small step back, seemingly in response to the tension channeled over from them to him when he grabbed their attention. “It’s true. Jongin sounds just like you when you first came to me more than seven years ago, Kyungsoo.” Junmyeon smiles and pats the former skater’s back before he strolls ever so casually out of the rink.

Jongin tries not to smile when Kyungsoo’s jaw drops, but he thinks from the way the other glares at him before he rushes to follow after Junmyeon that the other would very much like to murder him.

“So you will still be my Coach right?” he yells after Kyungsoo's back, but all he gets as a response is a raised middle finger before the other turns the corner. Jongin glances over at Minseok who gives him a shrug.

“Is that a yes?”

~

_Room 201. Room _—

Jongin gives a double-take when he realises he was heading down the wrong corridor before he pivots on the spot and follow the signs to the normal wards. It is odd that this annex of the hospital is not as busy as he would have expected one of the biggest hospitals in Seoul. 

At times, the white of the walls, the emptiness of the halls and the distinct smell of chemicals in the air scares him — it almost reminds him of bad memories of a time when their family came to get their mother after she passed on.

He picks up his pace and lets out a tiny sigh when he spots in the distance Jongdae waiting for him on a bench.

The other has not noticed him yet, so when he mutters out a soft “hyung” in greeting when he reaches his side the other startles.

“Oh, you’re here,” Jongdae looks up and Jongin is taken aback by how _ tired _his brother looks. “Sit down, Jongin,” the other said with a deep sigh and pats the seat beside his.

“Are you okay, hyung?” he asks, settling down on the bench after taking a glance at the door to his father’s room. “You look like you’ve not slept in awhile… please take care of yourself too.” Jongin knows the National Team had just arrived back from Toronto late last night, and it seems Jongdae had their father admitted right after they touched down and he had stayed up all night to care for him for he does not look like he had any sleep before this.

“I’m fine,” Jongdae dismisses with a wave of his hand before placing it on Jongin’s knee. “Dad is sleeping now, so I wanted to talk to you first… Did he—” the other glances up at him from underneath his fringe. “Did he ever told you about…” he ends up gesturing in mid-air, and Jongin shakes his head at once. He knows what his brother was referring to anyway.

“I wasn’t aware of his condition either,” Jongin murmurs. “What happened during training?” he probes.

Jongdae hangs his head. “I thought after what happened with mom, he wouldn’t hide this from us… I was so, so angry when the doctors told me. And it was stage 3 as well! When was he thinking to tell us? When it is too late?” the other rubs his eyes tiredly.

Jongin stays silent for he shares the same sentiments as his brother. He knows he has not been around his father much these past few years, unlike Jongdae who still stays under the same roof as him, so perhaps that is why the other is taking this piece of news worse than he is. He hopes his brother does not blame himself for not noticing earlier.

“We were at final practice before the friendly with the Maple Leafs the following morning,” Jongdae shares. “And it was like every other session… we did drills and simulated game plays. Dad was at the sidelines with line two when he felt dizzy and before any of us even noticed that he felt unwell, he had already collapsed and he hit his shoulder on the floor pretty hard. You will see later that he has his left arm in a sling… I just—”

Jongin pats Jongdae on the shoulder when the latter turns to him agitatedly. “It’s not your fault, hyung,” he says, giving the other’s shoulder a light squeeze.

“But I—”

“It’s not,” Jongin repeats firmly, cutting Jongdae off, and he holds the look the other gives him. “Don’t make me call Minseok hyung down to talk some sense into you,” he threatens.

Jongdae scoffs and looks down at his feet. “He has already tried,” the other says.

“So why would you think we’re not telling you the truth? It’s not your fault.” Jongin is beginning to sound like a broken record now. “If you still insist, then by that basis, I’m at fault too, so is the team and anyone else who interacts with him daily.” And he can tell from the way Jongdae falls silent that the other has chosen to let it go for now.

“What else did the doctors say?” Jongin asks after a brief pause.

“That he needed a more intensive type of treatment — a higher frequency of chemotherapy and they have suggested to up the dosage of his medication as well, but of course they decided to defer this decision to dad’s regular doctor.”

Jongin nods. That was to be expected, he thinks.

“He cannot return to coach full-time anymore,” Jongdae continues. “The doctors were not that optimistic of his chances when I asked…”

“How long does he have left?” Jongin bites the bullet and asks.

“If we’re lucky, around two years,” the other replies. “Worst case scenario is that it spreads to his other organs, the more vital ones, and it speeds up the process, so it could be a matter of months even.”

Jongin hums. _Two years_, if he is optimistic. That is not a lot of time left at all. He sighs. The heavy weight in his stomach is making him feel ill. 

Just then, they hear a weak call of “Jongdae” from the gap in the door and they look up. It seems their father is awake.

“You should go talk to him,” Jongdae suggests.

Jongin stands and brushes his hands on the front of his pants. “Okay,” he says. Their meeting is inevitable. He does not know why he feels nervous. Perhaps it is because this would be the first time in a long while that he is coming face to face with his father again. He does not know what to expect; how the other would react to seeing him again after their huge falling out. He gulped and looks down when Jongdae reaches out to squeeze his hand.

“Don’t worry, Jongin. It will be fine,” his brother reassures him.

“What if he yells at me to get out?” he asks.

“He has changed, Jongin.” Jongdae’s words lead him to pause with his hand over the door handle. “You will be okay. If you’re thinking about what he had said to you all those years ago… know that he is not that person anymore. Trust me.” There is only sincerity he sees in his brother’s eyes so he nods at the other’s reassurance.

Even though it makes him uncomfortable, the situation makes it that leaving without seeing his father is out of the question, so he decides to be brave even if it is just for a couple of minutes.

“Jongdae? Where were you— _ oh _.”

Jongin stops by the foot of his father’s bed and bows in respect. A period of awkward silence ensues.

“I suppose your brother has already told you then?” His father says in greeting.

He nods and shifts his weight between his two feet. He does not know where to stand and he dares not look the elder in the eye. The second he saw his father after stepping into the room, Jongin had felt a slight wave of guilt and regret wash over him — the man before him is not the man he once was; he looked aged and weak even.

He cannot help but think himself unfilial, even though the other had caused him so much hurt back in the past. Should he have returned home, even if just for a short while, to check on his father? After all, they would always be bonded by blood, despite standing divided by a split second of animosity.

“Well, what are you doing? Come and sit here.” His father juts his chin in the direction of the chair by his bedside and Jongin startles before doing as he was told. He will take it that this is good progress if his father has not thrown him out of the room yet.

_Is Jongdae right? Has he mellowed somewhat over the years? _Jongin thinks.

It is awkward when silence falls over the room again as neither knew what else to say. Finally, his father clears his throat and he looks up.

“You still dabbling in that pansy sport?”

Well, one thing that has not changed is how his father views figure skating. Jongin hides his irritation behind a scoff and nods. At least it is no longer anger he sees in the other’s eyes, but more tired resignation.

“Jongdae said you still don’t have a Coach. That true?” He is actually taken by surprise at the other’s question. Does that mean his father has been asking about him even after he had left home?

“Y-Yes, but I’ll have one soon,” he says. “I met him recently and I’m looking forward to learning under him.”

His father sighs. “It has been three years, Jongin. Don’t you think it’s time you let go of this _ dream _of yours? Come back to hockey… it’s a better spo—” The manner in which the other says ‘dream’ irks him so much.

“No, father. I will not give up,” he cuts the other off firmly. “Skating makes me happy like ice hockey never did… why can’t you see that?” The elder is struggling to sit up so Jongin helps hold onto him and positions his pillow between him and the headboard. He hates to admit that it pains him to see the other so vulnerable.

“I know I cannot convince you now,” he rushes out when his father opened his mouth to speak again. “But just you wait, I will prove it to you… I will prove to you that my dream is valid and that I can make it on the world stage.”

His father stares at him in silence until he breaks eye contact himself, but Jongin hopes in the few seconds he had held it that the other was able to see first and foremost his determination, and then hidden behind his strong mask, the quiet plea for the other to trust him and believe in him.

“Then prove it to me soon. As you know, I don’t have that much time left,” his father says. Jongin clenches his jaw and nods silently. “Is your brother outside? I want to speak to him alone.” That is as decent a dismissal as he is going to get so Jongin stands and bows before leaving to go get Jongdae.

“Told you it will be fine right?” his brother asks the second he slides the door close behind him.

“Was expecting worst, yes,” Jongin admits and takes a seat, letting out a sigh. “He wants to speak to you.”

“Okay.” Jongdae hops to his feet. “Wait here for me, alright? We can grab an early lunch together later, unless you still have classes?” He shakes his head, knowing that he will not be able to make his only class of the day at noon, and he lets out a small smile of his own when the other smiles at him.

He is guilty of not spending much time with his brother after he moved out too, so he wants to try to make up for it. Slowly, but surely.

When Jongdae enters the room, Jongin retrieves his phone from his jeans pocket and sends out a text to Junmyeon before opening up YouTube. After speaking to his father earlier, he realises the urgency of making his professional debut. Like the elder had said, he is running out of time to prove his worth.

He types in Kyungsoo’s name in the search bar and scrolls down the list of videos that pops up. His eyes light up when he sees a fan compilation of some of Kyungsoo's famous moves and he quickly clicks on it.

He wants the former World and Olympic champion to be his Coach. That is what he had texted Junmyeon too, in hopes that the other will help him convince Kyungsoo to come onboard. If Kyungsoo was unconvinced by his skills during the ‘trial’ yesterday, then he wants to have another shot at showing him what he is capable of… _ or not. _He gulps when he sees Kyungsoo launching into a quadruple lutz before combining it with a triple toe loop.

He did it with such perfection too.

Jongin unabashedly tweaks his search keywords to look up triple jumps instead. Perhaps he should start from a level of jumps more realistic. He really hopes he gets to skate in front of Kyungsoo again so he commits to memory all the different combinations the other uses habitually.

He pauses when the autoplay function leads him to a behind the scenes interview with Kyungsoo, and to his surprise, he sees Chanyeol in the background laughing at something Baekhyun and Junmyeon were saying. The smile on Kyungsoo’s face is so wide and bright as he watches the trio, it really brings him on par with the Sun, and Jongin cannot help but feel sad as he compares this old Kyungsoo to the bitter man in the wheelchair he has seen recently.

He does not think Kyungsoo would ever smile that brilliantly again, but he hopes the other would heal as time goes by and plug the emptiness in his heart. Who knows? Maybe he could even play a part too and help the other’s friends in their bid to get him to look forward and no longer back.

He pauses when the phone in his hand buzzes and a text message appears in a drop down bar over his paused video.

**[From: Junmyeon Hyung | 11:17am]**

It did not seem like a straight out no to me

Let me see if I can speak to him again… 

but he has been rejecting my calls since last night.

If you want an official yes, I suggest you try to seek him out yourself

Good luck!! (づ￣ ³￣)づ

Well, that is not much help, Jongin thinks. He sighs and goes back to watching Kyungsoo's old videos, wondering when he will get to see him again. 

~

“I’m so glad to hear that you’re picking yourself up again, Soo. After all the months we have failed… Joohyun tells me this change was brought about by a boy?”

Kyungsoo scoffs and looks away from Yixing’s teasing expression to glare at Joohyun sitting on the surgeon’s desk. The psychologist gives him an innocent look before giggling into her palm, and he seriously contemplates throwing one of his shoes at her. Although, he thinks she will probably scratch him with her perfectly manicured fingers so he resists the urge to spare himself of the pain he knows will surely come with retaliation.

“There is no boy. I don’t know what you are saying,” he rolls his eyes and hauls himself up onto the treatment table with the help of Yixing. He knows they are referring to Jongin, but he does not understand why they are insinuating what they are insinuating. There is nothing _ more _in the way he sees Jongin. He doubts there will ever be. Subconsciously, his hand comes up to rest on his necklace, fingers fiddling with it out of habit. “I’m trying out this new treatment because I want to, and because you two have been begging me for the longest time. That is all there is to it.” 

When Yixing gives him a look, one that shows he does not quite believe him but will drop it for now, Kyungsoo sighs and lies down as Joohyun helps arrange his legs in a more comfortable position.

“His name is Jongin? The one you agreed to coach, right? Junmyeon told me,” Yixing pats his shoulder. “Heard he is younger and quite the handsome one. A big fan of yours too.” The surgeon steps towards his drawers and rummages in it carefully.

Kyungsoo sees Joohyun sitting up a little straighter then and she wriggles her eyebrows at him. He scoffs. “Okay, hold up. I’ve not agreed to coach him yet… I’ve no idea why Junmyeon told you I did. He was _ atrocious _ when I saw him skate. I think even your niece skates better than him!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Soo,” Yixing chuckles. “Ziyu’s only ten. Surely, there is no comparison.”

“That is_ exactly _ my point! _ ” _Kyungsoo throws his hands up in the air.

The mention of Jongin reminds him of the text message he had received just a half hour ago, when Junmyeon had enquired if he could start taking Jongin through on-ice training on Monday. He had pointedly ignored the message; like all the other calls he had left unanswered from last night. He was pretty sure he had made himself clear that day that he no longer wants to take Jongin under his wings.

He feels a little bad since he had gotten the other guy’s hopes up only to let him down now, but he is just being realistic after watching the other skate. Jongin has _ no _chance to make it professionally.

“I thought we talked about this, Soo,” Joohyun says. “This is not all about him. This step forward is about you too! Give him a chance. You were horrible when you started out too anyways.”

Now, with so many people constantly talking about it, it pushes Kyungsoo closer and closer to the edge — to agreeing on something he thinks he might regret in the future.

The psychologist jumps to sit on Yixing’s office chair and rolls it towards the table he is on so she could lean forward and prop her elbows and face on it. “Also, imagine seeing a handsome guy train in front of you every day,” she says with a dreamy sigh. “It has been some time since I’ve seen a pretty boy take the ice. It’s the dream job for many of us… I will be so envious!”

“I agree,” Yixing's chimes in as he returns to their side and places a metal tray with some medical equipment down on the table. “It will be vastly different from what we see in the operating theatre every day, that is for sure…” The other then taps on Kyungsoo’s belly lightly, causing him to flinch. “I need you to take off your top and roll over.”

Kyungsoo could barely keep up with how many turns this conversation is taking. He sheds his shirt at once while eyeing Joohyun. “One, don’t you prefer girls over guys? Why are you drooling over Jongin? Two, what do you mean by _ it has been some time I have seen a pretty boy take the ice _? I used to skate until recently… are you saying I’m not good-looking enough for you?” He gives her a mock glare.

Joohyun takes the shirt he hands over and giggles, tapping on his belly like Yixing had done earlier, only this time there is no shirt separating the contact. Kyungsoo yelps and covers his belly shyly at once.

“You have a cute tummy, Soo,” she tries to give it a poke again and giggles when he manages to fend off her advances by rolling over like what Yixing had instructed. And that is all she has to say in reply to him, which makes him pout inwardly because does she really not find him good-looking?

“I had abs before the accident, need I remind you? Why are you here again?” Kyungsoo asks exasperatedly. “Why is she here?” this he directs to Yixing when the other sits on the table and smacks a small piece of cotton pad over an area of skin around his lower spine. Yixing tries to draw his pants down further to make it easier for him to administer the jab, but Kyungsoo stops him with an embarrassed cry. Joohyun giggles at the side.

“It will be slightly painful even if it is the first jab, Soo, bear with it, alright?” Yixing ignores his question and pours gel over the pad. Kyungsoo grumbles in response and begrudging allows Joohyun to hold his hand when she cries out _ “I’m here for moral support!” _

“The side effect of this differs for each person so I may have to observe you for some time before we decide on adjusting the dosage,” Yixing says.

“Just get on with it,” Kyungsoo grunts. “I can take it.”

Yixing pauses just for a second to give him a chance to back out, but when he remains silent the other unwraps a needle from its packaging and prepares it.

Kyungsoo knows this treatment is experimental. Yixing had made it really clear to him that there was only half a chance it would work — that paired with intensive rehabilitation, he should be able to kick start his motor nerves in the lower half of his body in a couple of months’ time. It was a new treatment method that originated from the West only recently, with only a handful of success cases.

But at least it will be a step in the right direction.

It hurts the second the needle pierces his skin, even more so when Yixing pushes the handle and injects whatever translucent liquid it contained within it in him. Kyungsoo tries his hardest to hold it in, but he knows from the way Joohyun squeezes his hand back and pats the back of his palm in a comforting manner that the pain he feels shows through his face.

“All done,” Yixing quickly fixes a cooling pad over the bite and massages the area. It is over as soon as it started. “You okay?” he asks as he helps Kyungsoo sit up on the table. At least Kyungsoo is grateful that Yixing knows not to drag it out.

“Yeah.” He stretches his waist and winces. It hurts more than he had expected. “Is it normal to feel a little dizzy already?” he asks. There are white specks in his vision that only goes away when he shakes his head, and even then, he cannot shake it too hard or he feels like his whole body is tilting off balance again.

He had not expected a side effect to kick in that fast. Apparently Yixing too because he frowns and proceeds to jot down some notes on his computer.

“It could be because of the metaxalone. Don’t worry about it. Sometimes that is just how the human body reacts to foreign bodies,” the doctor says. “Let me know if the dizzy spells persist. Also, no going elsewhere after this… I advise you to go right back home and rest now. I was hoping we could squeeze in the first session of therapy after this, but I think it is too soon.”

“If only I did not have patients lined up to see me after this, I would volunteer to grab lunch with you and drive you home,” Joohyun says.

“Me too,” Yixing nods at him apologetically.

“I’m totally fine, I can take care of myself,” Kyungsoo reassures them. In the end, it takes too much effort just to get into his wheelchair that Yixing has to carry him down from the table. “I’m just feeling a little weaker now, but I bet I will be alright after a good lunch,” he says.

They still look unconvinced so he wheels himself to the door and smiles. “You will let me know when to come in again?” he asks Yixing who nods at him, while Joohyun helps him get the door.

“I’ll try to come by your place tonight after my scheduled operations to check on you,” Yixing says. “Call any one of us if you feel unwell at home before then, okay? Don’t think that you’re bothering us,” the other instructs.

Kyungsoo hums despite knowing that he has no intention to call at all, especially now with the knowledge that his two friends have packed schedules for the rest of the day. He follows after Joohyun and the door closes after them as they leave Yixing to prepare to see his next patients.

“Your driver is coming to get you, right?” Joohyun stops when they reach the lift lobby where they have to separate for the psychologist’s office is on the other end of the same floor. Kyungsoo does not miss the way she takes a subtle glance down at her watch.

“Yes, I’ll give him another call when I’m downstairs. Just go already… you don’t have to wait with me. I’ll see you again,” he nudges her in the direction of her office and moves forward when the lift arrives on their floor. Joohyun seems to be thinking twice about something, perhaps if she should follow after him, but she eventually hums and waves him goodbye. It is when the doors close that Kyungsoo allows his hand and the smile on his face to drop.

He is _ beyond _ tired. If this is only the first treatment, he can only dread the upcoming ones. He would love to be able to take a nap now.

Kyungsoo groans when his phone rings in timely fashion and the name _ Junmyeon hyung _pops up on the screen. Just when he was wishing for some rest…

The other must be calling since he had not replied to his text messages earlier. Kyungsoo decides he does not have the energy to fight this battle now and ultimately lets the call ring on until Junmyeon drops it. Perhaps he can ignore the topic of training Jongin until they get tired of waiting for him to agree?

_Yes. _He nods to himself. He should just ignore Jongin altogether, yes. They will get the message if he keeps his distance and silence right? When the lift reaches the ground floor, he pockets his phone and wheels himself to the main doors, proud of himself for settling on a decision.

He does not expect to hear someone yell out his name in the next second and attract the attention of everyone in the vicinity.

“Kyungsoo hyung!”

He recognises the voice at once — one so uplifting and cheery, and a rush of dizziness strikes him again when he turns around quickly to spot Jongin and— _ is that Jongdae too? _ in the distance.

It was Jongin who had shouted and who is now waving madly at him. The other’s excitement is obvious, which puzzles Kyungsoo because _ why is he so happy to see me? _Jongdae looks equally lost at his brother’s enthusiasm as Jongin loops an arm around him and practically drags him forward in Kyungsoo’s direction.

_Oh shit._

And to think he had just decided he was going to ignore Jongin.

Without hesitation, and unabashedly, Kyungsoo pretends he had not just made direct eye contact with the other and furiously wheels himself to the hospital’s main doors at once.

“Out of the way,” he says in a gruff voice, even scaring a young couple to jump out of his path at the speed he was rolling forward.

“K-Kyungsoo hyung? Hyung!” He hears Jongin’s confusion at his reaction, and then the other’s panic truly sets in. “Wait for me, hyung!” Kyungsoo almost smiles to himself in victory — he is ten feet away from the glass doors of freedom. He knows this is childish behaviour from him. The scene probably looks amusing to onlookers as well. _ Freedom!! _

But then strong hands clamp down on the handles behind his shoulders and Kyungsoo wails internally when he finds himself unable to move an inch forward from how stubbornly Jongin is holding him back.

“Gotcha, hyung.”

~

Jongin cannot quite believe his luck. Just as he was throwing out guesses in his mind as to where he can possibly find Kyungsoo and pressure him into agreeing to be his Coach — he is pretty sure the other will not return to the rink now that he knows Jongin uses it almost every day, and he feels sad the other is even ignoring Junmyeon’s messages — he sees Kyungsoo exit the lift on the ground floor.

“K-Kyungsoo hyung? Hyung!” The sudden yell that leaves his lips startles himself even, but he is just so happy to see the said man. _ Oh my god. Oh my god, it really is him! _He quickly loops an arm around Jongdae’s and shuffles them forward.

“Why are you acting this way, Jongin-ah?” He can hear his brother’s confusion in the question, so he glances down for a second. “And why is Kyungsoo running away from us?”

_Running away? _ Jongin’s head snaps up so fast he gets momentary whiplash and he finds that the other is right — Kyungsoo is attempting to wheel himself in the opposite direction from them, as fast as he possibly can. _ What?! _Jongin knows he cannot let this chance slip now. Who knows when he will be able to find the other again?

“K-Kyungsoo hyung? Hyung! Wait for me, hyung!” Jongin drops his brother’s arm as he practically sprints over to grab onto Kyungsoo's wheelchair, bringing the latter to a grinding halt. He almost feels guilty when he sees Kyungsoo's shoulders slump and the man let out a small sigh he probably thinks Jongin will not notice. Kyungsoo also looks extremely tired today, for reasons unknown to him.

“Gotcha, hyung.” Nonetheless, he beams down at him like his primary job is to radiate sunshine. “I was calling you earlier… did you not hear and see me?” It was a rhetorical question. Jongin knows Kyungsoo had ignored him point-blank earlier, but he was just being polite by not calling him out for it. Even Jongdae, who joins them now, eyes his friend weirdly.

Kyungsoo is spared from having to answer when his brother speaks. “Here to see Joohyun, Soo?” Jongdae asks.

“U-Uhm, yes,” Kyungsoo clears his throat and looks everywhere but at Jongin. “Actually, no… I was here to see Yixing. She just happened to be around too.” He does not share more and Jongdae does not ask. Meanwhile, Jongin is left to look back and forth between the pair because he does not know who they were talking about. 

He realises he has been smiling dumbly at Kyungsoo all these while because he is just so happy to see him, so he quickly stops himself when Jongdae gives him a weird look. “We’re done now. I was just about to head back home to rest,” Kyungsoo says.

Jongin is all set to panic again when the other grabs onto his wheelchair’s push rings, as if he intends to leave. He has not spent enough time with Kyungsoo to convince him to be his Coach yet!

“Oh, Jongin and I were just about to head down to the cafeteria for lunch. Do you want to join us?”

Jongdae’s offer comes in a timely fashion and Jongin counts his fortunes.

“I think I’ll just—”

“Come on, the cafeteria is this way,” his brother does not give Kyungsoo time to say no, instead he takes control of the push handles and leads them away from the hospital’s main doors. And it is at that moment that Jongin really wants to hug Jongdae to death, out of pure appreciation of course. Perhaps his brother had sensed his reluctance to let the other go earlier and was helping him out?

“Aren’t you coming, Jongin?” Jongdae calls over his shoulders to the boy standing frozen by the entrance and he laughs when it snaps the younger out of his reverie. Jongin practically sprints over to them like a madman next, and when he catches Kyungsoo looking at him, he ducks his head shyly. “Eat all you want later, Soo. My treat!” Jongdae says. “It has been some time since we have caught up.”

“Sure,” the other says in resignation. He must realise now that there is no avoiding Jongin.

~

“Has Minseok hyung told you I got myself a Coach already, hyung?”

Jongdae places down his spoon quickly and swallows his mouthful of rice. Jongin can feel Kyungsoo stiffening beside him and he mutters a quick prayer for himself. He is about to do something absolutely crazy and he can only pray it ends well.

“Really?! After all these time?” His brother wipes his mouth with a napkin and stares at him with wide eyes. “I’m so happy for you, Jongin… who is it? Anyone I know?”

“Kyungsoo hyung’s my Coach starting Monday,” he blurts out. He does not feel sorry when his statement causes Kyungsoo to choke and spit out his food, although he feels the urge to laugh when Jongdae does not duck out of the way fast enough and he gets sprayed with rice and meat. Exactly like those cliche drama moments.

“What?” His brother takes a deep breath and wipes his face clean, teeth gritted as he tries not to lose his temper, _ not _ at Kyungsoo but at Jongin. Clearly, Jongdae is taking what he had said as a joke.

“It’s true!” Jongin insists unabashedly, hand reaching over to thump on Kyungsoo’s back repeatedly as the other chokes even more, waving his hand about desperately trying to voice his denial. “Junmyeon hyung told me he offered. He even watched me skate the other day,” he says. “I promise to work really hard and show father just what I’m capable of. I know I don’t have that much time left.” He conveniently leaves out everything else that had happened, everything else the other had said _ after _he had watched him skate.

Jongdae visibly softens when he mentions their father and he nods at Jongin before turning to Kyungsoo with a small smile. Oddly enough, the latter has also tamed somewhat. Although, he jerks away from Jongin’s hand to get him to stop hitting him and glares at it like he wishes it catches fire.

“Is he speaking the truth?” his brother asks Kyungsoo. “Did you really tell Junmyeon you will train him?”

“I did, yes,” the other starts off by admitting, “but I also said I—”

He is stopped by one of Jongin’s hands going up quickly to cover his mouth. Jongin laughs awkwardly when Jongdae frowns at him. The latter probably finds his behaviour odd.

“I thought he was about to cough in your face again,” he quickly comes up with an excuse, but then he lets out a loud yelp and withdraws his hand because _ did Kyungsoo really just bite me?! _He glances at the said man with a pout on his face, only to find the other glaring back at him already.

Jongin does not know why his next thought is that he finds Kyungsoo attractive, even in this moment — with his furrowed brows, dark eyes and thick lips curled up at the edges (menacingly). He coughs unnecessarily and hurriedly breaks eye contact, willing the beat of his heart to stop its sudden dance. 

This is not the time or place for this.

“Thank you so much, Soo-yah,” Jongdae says, immediately dissipating the growing tension between Kyungsoo and Jongin. “On behalf of Jongin, I say thank you for agreeing to be his Coach. This kid has suffered for a really long time and I hope he suffers no more. He deserves to be happy again. In fact, this family deserves some good news at last.”

Jongin’s heart warms at his brother’s words and he lets out a soft “hyung” in response. Jongdae smiles at him and squeezes the hand he reaches out across the table top.

Kyungsoo must have caught onto the dampened mood because he clears his throat to ask, “i-is everything alright with you guys?” He looks between the pair of brothers in his own quiet but concerned way. Again, Jongin avoids eye contact with the other at all cost lest he feels the weird feeling in his chest rise again. He is still trying to come to terms with what it really means.

“Not really, no…” Jongdae hesitates, but a small nod from Jongin encourages him to go on. “We just learned our father has stage 3 cancer. That is why we are here actually… he is admitted in this hospital.”

Kyungsoo looks taken aback. “Oh… I-I’m sorry to hear that,” he even glances at Jongin after he offers Jongdae a sad look. This time, Jongin looks up because he hears the drastic change in Kyungsoo’s tone. It seemingly puts him at ease, but he cannot read what it is in the other’s expression.

“We’re okay,” Jongdae sighs. “It’s just a bit hard to take at the moment because it is like mom all over again… but we will be fine,” he says this like he is trying to convince himself that everything will be alright.

“We’ll be fine,” Jongin repeats what his brother had just said in a reassuring manner and the other gives him a small smile in gratitude. Years ago, he had been too young to deal with their mother’s condition. But he is not too young anymore.

“That’s why Jongin said he does not have a lot of time left to prove to our father that him switching to figure skating is worth it,” Jongdae adds. “So thank you so much for helping him reach for his dream, Soo. I really owe you one.”

A soft _ “oh” _is the only sound Kyungsoo lets out as the other shares this bit of information. Jongin holds his breath because it seems like Kyungsoo wants to say more.

“But I’ve not a-agreed to train Jongin yet,” Kyungsoo glances over at him briefly as his voice wavers. 

But because the other no longer sounds as cold and adamant that he does not want to be Jongin’s Coach, and because his eyes seem to have softened considerably, the pair of brothers knows that there is hope.

Jongin latches onto the only positive he hears at once. “_ Yet _ !” he claps his hands enthusiastically and beams at Kyungsoo who stares at him funny. “He said _ yet _,” he tells Jongdae before squealing to himself. He knows he has come a long way with this progress and he cannot help but cross into Kyungsoo’s personal space and give him a tight hug all of a sudden.

“Thank you!” Jongin squeals and swings them back and forth repeatedly. He feels Kyungsoo’s hands on his arms trying to peel him away from him and to quell his excitement, but he only stops and lets the other go when he feels the body in his embrace grow strangely weak.

“Soo? You okay?” Jongdae leans forward and asks while Jongin stares at the other worriedly. The said man has his eyes pinched tightly shut and there is a look of discomfort on his face, which makes _ Jongin _feel guilty.

_Did I make him sick by shaking him too hard?_

He knows he can be over-affectionate at times; he should not have crossed the line.

Jongin only lets out the breath of air he has been holding when Kyungsoo opens his eyes slowly and nods gently in Jongdae’s direction. “I’m fine,” he says. “Just felt dizzy for a moment.”

“I’m sorry,” Jongin blurts out at once.

The other dismisses his apology easily with a wave of his hand, and Jongdae seems to take Kyungsoo’s word for it, for he does not pursue the topic. But throughout the remainder of their meal, Jongin cannot help but take concerned glances to his side.

~

_ Why is it so warm? _

Kyungsoo lets out a soft groan and tries to move away from the heat surrounding his body, but he finds he does not have the energy to do so. Like a persistent bug, the discomfort sticks. He should have known the dizzy spells he had after the treatment were just a start.

For a second, he considers reaching for his phone on his bedside table to text either Yixing or Joohyun, but he remembers they have more important things to deal with than wait on him, so he lets his hand drop to his side. Even peeling his eyes open is a tough ask, but at least he can make out the sound of Gominnie whining and his wet nose prodding at his hand. 

He whispers weakly, “I-I’m okay,” in a bid to reassure the puppy. But his little one has always been smart. Gominnie lets out several barks as if to call him out for the lie, while Kyungsoo lets out another groan. His ears hurt too.

Maybe he will feel better if he stays still and be patient. Yixing did say he would try to stop by after his scheduled operations… so help will come. Eventually.

He furrows his brows when his doorbell goes off, thinking he must have misheard the sound, but he gets the confirmation that there is indeed someone at the door when Gominnie lets out a bark and dashes out of his bedroom to investigate at once.

Too bad he is neither in the mood nor in the state to entertain the uninvited visitor. It cannot be the mailman because he is not expecting any deliveries. He can only pray he or she does not come with ill intentions; hopefully not a robber. If not, at least he has Gominnie to depend on as his last line of defence right?

Who is he kidding? That puppy is all fluff.

Gominnie has not stopped barking at the door because apparently the visitor has now given up on using the doorbell and was knocking hard on the door.

_Who the hell is so persistent? _Kyungsoo lets out another groan and tries to turn his head so he can at least hide in his pillow. “G-Go away,” he mutters. He does not hear Gominnie stop barking, neither does he hear his main door clicking open before there is a subsequent rush of footsteps.

“Oh my god, Kyungsoo hyung!”

He does make out a worried voice though, and through his tired, lidded eyes, an outline of a person that looks oddly familiar. The hand palming his forehead and cheeks, although adding to the icky warmth he feels, is more than welcome to remain. The edges of Kyungsoo’s lips curl up into a small smile.

“Chanyeol?” he calls out a little hesitantly. No wonder Gominnie is not reacting negatively to the other’s presence, he thinks.

The fingers moving his fringe out of the way of his eyes stop abruptly when he says the name and he frowns when he hears a sharp inhale. “C-Chan—” he struggles to follow the retreating hand over his face, but the second he lets out another groan he feels fingers smooth over the skin between his brows, as if to comfort him.

“Hey, I-I’m here,” the other replies. “Don’t move… you’re sick. I’ll take care of you, okay?”

A smile returns to Kyungsoo’s face as he hums and settles back into a more comfortable position.

“You’re burning up.” He has missed the way the other used to stroke his cheeks — touches so soft and tender, and like he holds the world in Kyungsoo’s face. Kyungsoo delights in his memories with his eyes still firmly shut; mind and body too tired to function. “I’m going to call Jongdae hyung and get you a cold towel… I’ll be right back.”

Before he can make a noise of protest, the dip in the bed beside him disappears, signaling the other has left the room. Just the loss of his presence itself leaves a big hole and it makes Kyungsoo’s heart ache.

He waits in silence, every cell in his body tortured not only by the side effects of the treatment in the morning, but also by the seemingly long wait to feel complete again.

“What happened to you, hyung?”

Kyungsoo smiles when the other settles beside him once again.

“I knew something was off back in the cafeteria.” A hand smooths over the skin on his forehead gently before a cool towel is placed over it. “Thank god I came to check on you. Who would have known you would be suffering alone like this?”

“Stop talking,” Kyungsoo whispers. He lifts his hand to catch the other’s when he removes it from his forehead. “I missed you,” he mouths against the back of the warm hand. “I missed the happy us.”

The silence in the room after his admission is deafening.

“N-No, don’t go,” he starts to panic when the hand trapped in his makes to let go and he holds on even tighter; more desperately. “Don’t leave me again,” he begs.

“Hyung, I’m not—”

“Please, Chanyeol-ah…”

“Okay, okay. Shhh… I’m not leaving,” the other finally lets out a sigh before Kyungsoo feels fingers wiping at the corner of his eyes. “Don’t cry, hyung.” He had not even realised that there were tears welling up in his eyes. “I’m not used to seeing you cry. I hope to see you smile again… it has been too long.”

He wants to reply and he wants to let the other know that he will try to smile for him again, but the pull of sleep is too strong and he finds himself grappling to stay in the now.

“Why is your body temperature not going down?” the other mutters to himself and uses his remaining hand to feel Kyungsoo’s cheeks before sliding it down to his neck. Kyungsoo’s body lets out an inadvertent shudder at once.

“Why are you not lying down, Chanyeol-ah?”

A pause.

“Uhm… I-I don’t think that is a good idea,” the other finally squeaks.

Kyungsoo whines and tugs on the hand he is holding. It still hurts to try to open his eyes. “Is it because you don’t love me anymore?” he pouts and complains in a cute voice. “You don’t want to cuddle like we used to?” he adds on when the other remains silent. “Kyungsoo sad now—”

“Okay, wow. This is something else altogether…” the other cuts him off by whispering to himself. “I think you’re very sick, Kyungsoo hyung. I should call for help, but Jongdae hyung is not answering… I don’t know what to do,” he addresses Kyungsoo again

“I’m sick?” he asks. “That’s why you don’t want to cuddle, Chanyeol-ah?”

“Uhm… y-yeah. Okay, let’s just go with that.”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo whispers sadly. “So if I get better, I get to hug and kiss you again?” He frowns when the other makes a sudden sound, like he had just inhaled too much air in one go and it had made him choke and erupt into a coughing fit.

“I-I—”

“Is that a no?” Kyungsoo asks. The other does not sound like he is anywhere close to stopping.

“I don’t think you will want to hug and kiss me, hyung,” the other says eventually.

Kyungsoo frowns at this, because to him, there is nothing else in the world he wants more. “Why not—”

“You’re not yourself right now… you will regret it the minute you wake up in the morning and remember this.”

If he felt any better then, he will be flailing in bed and throwing a petty tantrum because he is not getting what he wants. Instead, Kyungsoo settles for a loud groan.

At once, the other mistakes it for a groan caused by physical pain and hurriedly palms his face again. “Why? What’s happening? Are you in pain, hyung?”

Kyungsoo cannot be bothered to reply.

He hears the other edge closer to the brink of panic because he is not as responsive compared to a few minutes prior. But just then, his phone goes off and he hears the other fumble while attempting to pick up the call from the bedside table.

“H-Hello? This is Kyungsoo hyung’s phone,” the other greets.

Kyungsoo cannot make out who the person on the other line is, but what he can make out is the rapid-fire mumbling of the man standing beside his bed now. Surely it is the latter describing the state of Kyungsoo’s health to the caller and asking what he should do next.

“Uh huh… okay. Thanks, doc. Let me try that now and I’ll let you know if his body temperature goes down. Bye.”

There is a temporary silence in the room after the other puts the call down, but he is spurred into action when Kyungsoo lets out a sudden grunt.

“Okay, I need to fill up the tub first. Come on, puppy… come help me.” A strong tug of his hand frees the other from Kyungsoo’s grasp and Kyungsoo lets out a sad whine when the other leaves his side. Gominnie lets out a bark and jumps onto the bed instead of following instructions. “Okay, fine. You stay there and take care of him. Bark if you need me.”

He does not know how long he is left alone with Gominnie, but it feels like a decade has passed before the other returns and picks him up. Kyungsoo must have let out a soft confused sound because the other chuckles as he carries him away. He also loves the way he is able to feel the strong heartbeat of the other in his position; pressed up against a hard yet comfortable chest.

“You’re comfortable,” he hums.

The bathroom. Kyungsoo realises the other has brought him to the bathroom when he hears a tap running before he is placed on the edge of the sink, sitting in an upright position, but supported by steady hands of course.

“Your friend… the doctor who called earlier—” he hears the other’s hesitance through the short pauses interspersed in his speech, and he feels his shyness when careful fingers trace the front of his shirt and slowly unbutton it. “He cannot come over just yet because he is still finishing up at the hospital… but he told me to put you in a cold bath because your body is in a very dangerous state now.”

Kyungsoo lets out a soft noise when his shirt is finally removed. The other need not bother with removing his pants though, because he does not have the habit of wearing pants to sleep; preferring to only dress himself with airy boxers.

“Uhm… I’m going to pick you up again, alright?” If only he had the energy to open his eyes, he would have witnessed the furious blush settled over the other’s cheeks because of his current state of undress. Kyungsoo can only sigh and rub his face against the other’s chest when strong arms wrap around him again. _ So comfortable. _“Hyung, this might hurt a little, but bear with it, okay? The doctor said so.”

The comfort is short-lived when he feels himself being lowered into the tub. The cold does not bother him yet when it is just his legs that are submerged, but when he is finally seated, the pain comes. He cries out at once, which sets off Gominnie into a row of barks.

“I’m sorry, hyung. I cannot let you out yet.” The hands on his shoulders, holding him down because he finds himself flailing automatically the second the cold water registers in him, stay firm. “Stay still. You’re hurting yourself. Please…”

“Chanyeol, stop,” Kyungsoo lets out a whine when he jerks his elbow against the marbled surface of the tub and a sharp pain bursts through his nerves. But he fully stills only when there is movement behind him and strong arms come down to clamp around his entire upper body, holding him in a back hug position. The other must have gotten into the tub with him.

“It’s going to feel better soon, hyung,” a soft voice whispers in his ear. Kyungsoo whimpers and lets his head drop, eventually settling his face against the side of the other’s neck. “I’m here, shhh…” He feels the arms around him loosen since he is no longer struggling, and he feels them gliding over the rings hanging off his necklace for a second.

Then there is a touch, one so soft, on his forehead afterwards.

“D-Don’t leave me again,” he whispers. 

If only he was not already halfway to the realm of sleep, he would have picked up that it was not the work of fingers but something else.

~

Kyungsoo wakes up late into the morning, when the sun shines clearly through the half-drawn curtains, bathing his spot on the bed with gentle warmth. He groans and rolls over slowly, feeling like an absolute train wreck.

_What happened last night? _he asks himself.

Too bad Gominnie offers no help in jogging his memory. When Kyungsoo tries to sit up, the puppy pops his head up from where he is curled on a spot beside his feet and crawls over to nose at him, letting out soft intermittent whines.

The clock on his bedside table tells him it is close to noon, but what catches his attention next is the glass of water and a bowl of what looks like porridge (or rather, a bad attempt at making porridge) beside the clock.

Kyungsoo grabs the glass and downs the drink at once, letting out a satisfied sound after his throat no longer feels like it is bleeding dry on the inside. But it is the bowl of porridge that makes him pause. There is still a trace of warmth left when he touches the bowl, which can only mean that whoever had prepared it had done so not too long ago. He quickly picks up his phone in hopes that it will provide him some answers.

And it is a note he finds pinned on the display after he swipes up (he does not bother with setting passwords) that has him groaning because he finally remembers.

**If you’re reading this now, it must mean that you’re awake and I’m no longer there haha**

**I’m not sure how much of last night you remember, but you were very sick, hyung.**

**I hope you’re feeling better now! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

**The porridge I cooked doesn’t look all that appetising huh?**

**Would you believe me if I said it’s only because I had to rush off to class?**

**(；一_一)**

**Anyways… you don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to!**

**(But I made it with a lot of love, so would you at least taste it? Hehe)**

**I’ll see you around, hyung**

**Jongin ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ**

Kyungsoo slaps a hand over his face and lets out another groan — a longer one this time, attributed to the embarrassment he feels. His memories of last night are coming back to him, like an auto playing slideshow in his mind.

His words and his childish behaviour, including him clinging onto the younger’s hand. Kyungsoo shudders. Jongin undressing him and backhugging him while he was submerged in a cold bath…

He was the picture of vulnerability last night. “How am I to face him now?” he groans, smoothing down the front of his shirt. The other must have helped dry his body and put his shirt on after he fell asleep.

But the worst thing Kyungsoo realises only now is that he had called Jongin Chanyeol, _ and _ the other actually took on the alias _ for his sake! _Jongin had no reason to do it, but he did.

Even after all the harsh words Kyungsoo had said to him, all the cold glares and him rudely turning down each and every one of Jongin’s pleas for him to train him over the past week or so… the other does not resent him; he did not leave him to suffer alone.

It was out of the kindness of Jongin’s own heart that he had come to check on Kyungsoo after he suspected the latter was not feeling well. Also, Jongin did not need to stay the night to care for him, but he did… he even attempted to make him a _ get well soon _breakfast.

“Why must he be so nice?” he asks Gominnie, while the puppy cocks his head to the side in response. He picks up the bowl of porridge and gives its contents a good stir. It does not smell as bad as it looks, so he bravely pops the spoon in his mouth, only to pause and make a sound of pleasant surprise. “It just makes it so much harder to say no this time,” he adds over another mouthful.

Gominnie lets out a short bark and Kyungsoo does not know why it sounds like the puppy is telling him not to say no then. Perhaps it is the voice in his own head playing tricks on him, but every second that passes thaws his heart, little by little until a soft smile lingers on his face.

~


	6. Chapter 6

Kyungsoo prefers to think it is his indebtedness to Jongin for taking care of him that led him to visit the rink today, rather than something else. 

(It could very well be something else.) 

The automatic doors slide close behind him and he is fanned with a wave of cold wind. At least it jolts him out of his daze and he wheels himself further into the facility, figuring there is no use turning back now. 

He knows Jongin is here. A call to Jongdae earlier had confirmed this. Also, it is the weekend and he knows the other does not have classes and would likely be here on the ice _ if _ he is as committed a skater as he said he was. 

“Pass the puck to Sehun too, Minhyun-ah. This is a team game.” 

Kyungsoo hears Jongin’s loud voice even before he turns the corner. True enough, the latter was standing in the middle of the ice, dressed in full ice hockey gear, seemingly supervising a mini game for his under-10 class. He cannot stop the embarrassed flush of his cheeks when he sees Jongin. He doubts he will ever forget about what happened two nights ago. 

Now if only the other has somehow developed short-term memory loss to spare them both of any further embarrassment.

“But Sehun always loses the puck!” one of the bigger kids in the group of approximately ten protests, but a strict look from Jongin forces him to concede the puck on the end of his stick to the smallest person on the ice. 

“T-Thank you, hyung,” Sehun pauses to right his helmet, and Kyungsoo stops just short of the ice, choosing to watch them in silence. He can wait until the lesson ends before making his presence known. He is not particularly pressed for time anyway. 

He cannot help but smile when Sehun manages to pass on the puck he is given. But because the boy swings his stick so hard to ensure that there is sufficient power behind his pass to reach his teammate, he goes off balance completely and ends up falling on his butt. Kyungsoo snorts. He could see the quivering of the boy’s bottom lip because the rest of the children are laughing at him, but somehow he feels proud when Sehun gets up on his own and dusts off his pants before skating away slowly. 

He gets so immersed in watching the game that he gets the shock of his life when Jongin’s face pops up right in front of him suddenly. 

“Kyungsoo hyung?” 

Kyungsoo almost screams _ and _ socks Jongin in the face, blame his natural defence mechanism _ (the best defence is a great offence right?) _, but he barely contains the urge to by gripping onto his wheelchair hard. He ends up letting out a soft gurgle and Jongin gives him a worried look at once. 

“Hyung, are you still sick? What are you doing here? You should go back and rest.” Before he can even furnish a reply, there is a warm hand pressing against his forehead before gentle fingers make their way down to feel his cheeks and the side of his neck. “Oh, I think your temperature has gone down quite a bit since I last saw you. Thank god.” Jongin withdraws his hand and gives him a smile, but all Kyungsoo can manage is to look right back at him with shocked, wide eyes. 

“Awww… Teacher Jongin has a boyfriend!” a girl yells. 

And that is all it takes to break up the little moment they were having. Kyungsoo jerks back so fast he almost gets whiplash, while Jongin splutters and his face slowly turns red as he waves his hands strongly in denial at the converging group of children. It is a commotion with everyone trying to speak at the same time, and there are some even making kissy faces at them. 

Kyungsoo wants to drill a hole in the ice and bury his head in it. Or die, whichever works best. 

“N-No, I don’t! What are you saying?” Jongin breaks out into a round of nervous laughter. 

It is so _ awkward _ it just seemed to be making things worse. Kyungsoo thinks maybe he should kill Jongin instead.

“But this ahjusshi came last time as well,” the girl who had started this whole train of conversation earlier points out accurately, narrowing her eyes at Jongin in suspicion. She must have recognised Kyungsoo by his wheelchair, but rather than feel offended by it… 

_Ahjusshi?! _ Kyungsoo frowns and gives the girl his best evil eye. _ How am I an ahjusshi? I’m only 22 years old. _He glares at Jongin when the other catches his reaction to the girl’s statement and ends up giggling into his hand. 

“This ahjusshi’s name is Kyungsoo, Soomin-ah,” Jongin says. 

“Wait, KYUNGSOO HYUNG?!” comes an excited shout from the very back of the group. That is when Kyungsoo spots little Sehun trying his very best to stand a bit taller on his skates so that he can see him over the shoulders of his friends. “HI HYUNG!” The boy’s face practically lights up in excitement when he makes eye contact with Kyungsoo and the former skater gives him a small wave. Sehun waves back enthusiastically, even raising his arms high above his head. Perhaps he thought Kyungsoo will see him better this way. 

“Alright everyone… just back up a little. Be careful,” Jongin instructs.

Since the game has been abandoned and there is barely enough time left in the session, the Coach claps his hands together and orders everyone off the ice next. “I’ll see you guys on Wednesday, okay? Remember to put your helmets back in the basket over there before leaving.” 

Kyungsoo stays back as Jongin busies himself, alternating between greeting each parent who came to pick up their child and helping the children out of their protective gear. 

“Did you come to see me, Kyungsoo hyung?” A small tug on his shirt alerts him to a beaming Sehun who immediately releases his grip and clasps his hands tightly in front of his chest. “I’m so happy!” the boy squeals and twists his body left and right excitedly. 

And Kyungsoo does not have the heart to let down that face again. Not anymore. He recalls treating Sehun harshly the first time they had met, even though the little boy had probably given him the biggest compliment anyone could give him then by telling him he was his hero. Kyungsoo feels apologetic, and somehow the need to be nicer today is overwhelming. 

“Yes, buddy. Did you enjoy class today?” He holds onto Sehun’s arm when the boy plants his butt onto the ground and starts to take off his helmet and skates himself. Kyungsoo looks around for the boy’s parents, but they must be late again because the last adult is just leaving with the girl called Soomin. Jongin glances over at him from where he is standing over a basket full of helmets, tidying them up, and the Coach gives him a gesture to let him know he will come over once he is done. 

“It was _ okay _ ,” Sehun pushes his helmet into Kyungsoo’s hands. “I didn’t score though… I always fail to.” The boy pouts. After watching Sehun struggle to untie his laces for the _ longest _ time, Kyungsoo leans over and does it for him, earning himself a shy _ “thanks” _and a gentle peck on the cheek after. He jumps back at once, hand placed over the area Sehun had kissed him, and the boy giggles.

“Your mom is here, Sehunnie!” Jongin interrupts them as he marches over to help the said boy up. “Say bye to Kyungsoo hyung.” 

Sehun actually looks sad that his interaction with Kyungsoo is being cut short, but he also looks hesitant over making his mother wait, so he waves at Kyungsoo at the last second before letting Jongin lead him away. 

“Will you come to see me again, Kyungsoo hyung?” the boy yells at him once he is by his mother’s side. His face is filled with so much hope, of course Kyungsoo cannot say no.

“Of course I will,” he promises, waving at Sehun until he can no longer see him. Kyungsoo’s face reverts to his default stoic expression the second he spots Jongin eyeing him weirdly. The other is almost gaping even. “What?” Kyungsoo snaps at once, forgetting the rules he had set for himself to play nice. “I mean—” he clears his throat and quickly corrects, “why are you staring at me?” He then proceeds to look anywhere but at Jongin. 

The question stirs the other from his daze. “N-Nothing… you just have a beautiful smile. That’s all.” Jongin’s voice trails off towards the end and a shy blush appears on his cheeks. Meanwhile, Kyungsoo stares even harder at the piece of gum stuck to the side of the rink walls, willing himself to not show he is affected by the other’s words in any way. God forbids his own face is mirroring Jongin’s. 

“Uhm, hyung…” 

There is a movement to his left, and Kyungsoo’s eyes dart to the side of his peripheral vision at once. It seems like Jongin has moved even closer to him. 

“You haven’t told me why you’re here yet,” the other reminds. 

_I am here to thank you for that night, and also to tell you I agreed to be your Coach. _But somehow, the words find themselves stuck at the tip of Kyungsoo’s tongue. He wants to run away from the awkward silence growing between them, and apparently so does Jongin because the latter sighs and takes a step away from him. 

“Never mind.” Jongin clearly sounds put off by his stubborn silence. “Guess I’ll see you around, hyung.” 

Kyungsoo is a little surprised the other has not taken this opportunity to badger him to be his Coach especially after the extent he had gone to over the past weeks. He did not think Jongin would give up so fast, especially since he had soldiered on for the larger part of three years himself. 

“Where do you think you are going?” He blurts out the second he sees Jongin packing away his helmet and removing his jersey. He wheels around and parks himself right in front of the other. 

“The showers?” Jongin freezes with his jersey half hanging off his arms after having gotten his head out of the hole. He seemed startled to find Kyungsoo in his way. “I was thinking of heading to the dance studio after lunch. Felt I need to start working out a routine for the ice,” he removes the jersey completely and adjusts the straps of his tank top before bending over to free his feet from his skates. 

Kyungsoo looks away because he could see down the front of Jongin’s chest in this position. The younger has a nice physique, he admits. Although, if anyone is to ask, he will say his glancing away is done purely out of politeness. Kyungsoo clears his throat. “So you have a choreographer?” 

“Unfortunately, no,” Jongin pouts. “I learn off the internet myself.” He makes to side-step Kyungsoo and continue on his way to the showers, but the latter easily blocks him off again.

Kyungsoo shakes his head. He should have known better than to ask Jongin that, especially since it was pretty apparent when he first saw the other skate he did not have a well thought out routine. _ We have tough days ahead _, he thinks. Forget the past three years of Jongin teaching himself how to skate. They will have to start from scratch. 

“Great. So since no one is waiting for you, I suppose your afternoon is free then,” he looks up and locks eyes with Jongin. “Put on the trainers I know you have in that bag of yours—” the other’s jaw drops. “I’ll go easy on you for now since it is only our first day… I want you to run fifty laps around the perimeter of the rink.”

“W-What?” Jongin makes a sound that oddly reminds him of a deflating tyre, but Kyungsoo begins to snap his fingers at the other impatiently. 

“Are you deaf? I said fifty laps. Did you not want me to train you? We’ll start off with off-ice work.” 

A slack-jawed Jongin continues to stare at Kyungsoo like the former skater has just grown another head. “You’re willing to train me? Really?” he whispers eventually. 

Kyungsoo’s face softens for a second when he recalled his own reaction when Junmyeon had agreed to be his Coach all those years back. Jongin looks in disbelief, but under that layer of emotion he spies elation and brimming confidence. It is a pleasant feeling knowing that he is responsible for putting that bright smile on the other’s face. 

“Better believe it, rookie,” he says. “Now get moving or I’ll up the number of laps to a hundred.” 

The threat works to great effect. Jongin rushes to retrieve his trainers from his bag at once, and after putting them on carelessly he surprises Kyungsoo by wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. A tight, very _ sweaty _, hug. Kyungsoo grimaces.

“Thank you. Really, thank you… Thank you so much,” the other whispers into his ear. 

“One hundred laps,” Kyungsoo declares loudly. Jongin yelps and releases him at once, as if he had just been burnt. Kyungsoo must say he delights in the way he feels so powerful; having so much control over another person. He watches as Jongin starts on his run — his steps light and his strides long and positive. Jongin looks _ so _happy at the moment. 

“Is that what you call running?” he yells. “Pick up those knees higher, you sloth!”

The other startles and actually attempts to correct his posture after waving over apologetically.

_Well, let us see if he can still run like that after twenty laps _ , Kyungsoo smirks to himself. _ What shall I have him do next? _He looks around for inspiration. 

Meanwhile, Jongin can barely contain how high he feels right now. The happiness blooming within coupled with the adrenaline of the run makes him feel invincible. He feels like he is running on clouds; he feels he can even complete a thousand laps if Kyungsoo orders him to. (Not really.)

He wonders what had made the other change his mind, but he dares not ask for fear it would spark something off and scare him off again. After all, this Kyungsoo is that unpredictable. Jongin decides to focus on being thankful for now. 

“One!” He yells out in an excited voice when he passes by his Coach after completing a lap, flashing the man a brilliant smile. 

_His _Coach. 

It feels awesome being able to call Kyungsoo that.

  
  


~

  
  


It has been a month and Jongin still cannot figure out if Kyungsoo is doing this on purpose. 

“I don’t think I can do this anymore,” he heaves and waves his hand weakly. “I feel faint! Send help.” 

“Again!” comes the annoyed shout from the sidelines. “You need to push yourself harder, Jongin. What are you? Do you think you’re still a junior skater? Heck! I think junior skaters can do it better than you.” This type of verbal onslaught is not something he likes, neither is it good for his confidence, but it is something he finds he has to endure learning under Kyungsoo. 

_Tough love _ is how he would like to describe his Coach’s methods. _ Crazy _is how Minseok calls it that one time he decided to follow and watch one of Jongin’s sessions out of curiosity. 

“He’s driving you to the ground, Jongin. Are you sure this is what you want?” the other had asked him with nothing but worry marring his brows. 

“Yeah,” Jongin had replied before stepping onto the ice again, taking the initiative to start his new circuit lap early. “I can take it.” He _ has _ to take all the hardships; he _ has _ to persevere. After all, he had promised himself. He had also promised his father he will succeed.

Jongin swings around the bend and sets himself up for the take-off into a triple lutz. _ Come on, you got this, _he tells himself before taking a deep breath and pushing off the back outside edge of his skates. 

To him, take-offs are easily the scariest part of a jump because he never knows how it will turn out until he is already in the air — if he gets enough height and distance under it, he knows he will successfully pull the jump off, but the second he feels his center of gravity tilting, that was _ it _; he will crash and he will burn. However, Jongin’s sole consolation for himself even if he does a bad jump is that he can enjoy the brief moment he gets to fly through the air. 

“Catch!” Kyungsoo shouts out a warning mid-way through his third rotation, and Jongin gets his other skate beneath him just in time to land a textbook finish. He lets out a loud whoop in celebration and comes to a stop in front of Kyungsoo to catch his breath again, bending over his front with his hands on his knees. 

After training his ass off the past weeks, and after countless falls and nights sleeping on his front or side because it hurts lying down and putting pressure on his butt, he finally did it… he can finally say he knows how to do the suite of triple jumps apart from the axel. 

“Good job, Jongin.” At least his Coach is smiling, and Jongin finds himself mirroring the smile. 

“Finally!” He cheers. “Are we done for today then?” 

“Of course not,” the smile on Kyungsoo's face disappears in the blink of an eye and Jongin sighs. He should have known better than to think the other would let him rest, even though they have been going at it since morning. The only break he was afforded was when he needed to attend his 2 o’clock lecture, and since when was studying ever associated with the word _ break _? It was straight back to the rink after his professor had dismissed the class. “That was just one time you succeeded,” Kyungsoo frowns. “Do it again and again until I’m certain you have the technique mastered.”

“But I’m hungry _ and _ tired,” he whines, leaning his upper body over the walls of the rink, hoping it buys him some pity. But Kyungsoo only sighs and stares at him sternly, and that is when Jongin braces himself for he knows the other is about to go off on another one of his lectures _ . _

“Did you think it would be a walk in the park, Jongin? Do you know what I went through, all the hardships I had to endure, before my professional debut?” 

Jongin hangs his head in silence, and the more Kyungsoo rants on, the lower his head bows; the more he curls his body into himself. However, he snaps upright the second he hears the other asks, “Are you a quitter, Jongin?” 

He shakes his head furiously. 

“Do you want to stop training under me?” 

“No!” he yells so loudly in Kyungsoo’s face the other squeezes his eyes shut and has to wipe away the little bit of saliva he is sprayed with. “Sorry,” Jongin winces. “I’ll carry on then,” he adds after a second, pushing himself away from the wall, mind already set on his new personal target of completing the jump successfully another ten times.

“Just another half hour, Jongin,” Kyungsoo says in a much gentler voice this time. “Just push yourself more. I know you can do it.” 

And even though his legs feel like lead and his nose is runny from the cold, Jongin nods in determination and starts to get back into the rhythm of skating again. Because if Kyungsoo is to have faith in someone, that someone knows not to let him down. 

  
  


~

  
  


It has been the same story since he started training under the other — every day was a challenge, and every day he was pushed to his limits by a Coach who told him he can do better. Some days he gives himself a pat on the back after the long hours he had spent on the ice. But there are also some days he retires to bed at night, shedding tears, because he felt as if nothing in the world was going right for him. 

It is no wonder Kyungsoo tells him it takes great mental strength to compete, and only a few would ever be able to bear the crown and mentality of a _ champion. _ The Coach had caught him crying in the carpark one day after an intense session ( _ how embarrassing! _ Jongin does not think he will ever get to live it down) and thought it would be good encouragement to hear. And it is! Because he no longer cried after that. Not when he failed to execute spins, and not after his countless falls attempting a level of jumps he is yet to accustom his body with. 

Jongin started to _ think _ like a champion, and with that switch in mentality, it was only a matter of time before he started to grow in leaps and bounds. 

It was torture when Kyungsoo had refused to let him on the ice, instead focusing on off-ice training during the first two weeks. According to his Coach, he needed to lose body weight and most of the muscles he had grown back in his ice hockey days, so they had dived into a lot of conditioning work and it was not quite a walk in the park as many would think _ especially _after Kyungsoo began to control his diet too. 

Jongin thinks he has never missed fried chicken and pizza as much as he does now. 

When the other finally allowed him to put on his skates, he had felt so accomplished and ready to conquer even though it meant he now has to do _ both _ on- and off-ice training. Only, Kyungsoo needed just one sentence to clip his wings and keep him grounded. “From this moment on, forget everything that you _ think _you know about figure skating and let us start from the basics.” 

A good foundation is what they need to build off on, and given the nature of his training these past three years, Jongin can only admit the ground he stands on is not as stable as they would have wanted. And so he abandons what he knows and goes to Kyungsoo with his hands modestly clasped in front of him, eager to learn. 

It is a tad humiliating when the other tells him to start with perfecting his crossovers, both forward and backwards, before working on his edges, mohawk and three turns. When Kyungsoo said they will start from the basics, Jongin was expecting the simpler steps and spirals, not the extent of _ How to Teach Figure Skating to Dummies _basics. 

Thankfully, that lesson lasted not more than a day and he was soon exposed to even more difficult moves — the jumps especially. A tough wall he had to cross thereafter was the leap between learning double jumps and _ triples _, and this was where Kyungsoo had to spend quite some time guiding Jongin. 

Sometimes, it got quite hard for the Coach to explain in words just what he wants Jongin to learn to do as well, so they find themselves depending on their friends a little — Yerim, in particular, visits his training sessions quite often to help demonstrate since it is the off season now and she can spare him some time. Also, Jongin supposes the National Team skater uses these sessions to keep herself in shape so it is not like she gains nothing from it. 

And now with him finally perfecting the triple lutz today, Jongin cannot help but smile and think it is a commendable achievement. He feels like what happened during the three years he spent winging it will never compare to how much he has grown in this one month under Kyungsoo. 

Somehow, there is a bittersweet feeling as well. _ If only he had a capable Coach back then… would he already be standing on the world stage now? _

He stays under the hot water for as long as he could, allowing the pressure and heat to heal his body aches, and he only leaves the stall when the hot water runs out and his hunger proves impossible to ignore. _ What should I eat for dinner? _ Jongin wonders, patting himself dry before wrapping the white towel around his waist and making his way back into the changing room. 

He finds himself stopping by the body-length mirror hanging along the corridor along the way and checking himself out. It is obvious he has lost a lot of the muscles he used to have in his upper body, but it is necessary, after all most male skaters are lean. Jongin feels up his biceps and strikes a pose in front of the mirror, frowning a little when the mound is not as high as in the past. Well, at least he still has his abs going so he supposes it is fine. 

He spins around to continue on his way and he lets out a blood-curdling scream the second he finds Kyungsoo parked in front of him, giving him a _ very _ judgemental look. It also does not help that when he jumps back because he is startled, the towel around his waist loosens and flutters to the ground, leaving him standing there bare as the day he was born. 

Kyungsoo’s jaw drops, and upon realising the Coach has not averted his eyes yet, Jongin lets out another horrified screech. 

“Stop staring, you pervert!” he yells and quickly bends to pick up the towel, thereafter shielding his family jewels with two modest hands clasped in front of him. 

“Hey, watch it. Who are you calling a pervert?” Kyungsoo scowls. _Still _he does not look away. “You were the one who flashed me all of a sudden,” he points out. 

“W-Well, I didn’t mean to!” Jongin squirms in his spot awkwardly, wishing he could run away from this embarrassment. “You scared the hell out of me!” 

Kyungsoo scoffs. To be honest, he quite enjoys watching the younger squirm uncomfortably. 

“Anyway, why are you still here?” Jongin asks. “I thought you would have already left.” 

“I was waiting for you actually,” the Coach clears his throat, and _ this time _, he finally looks away. 

“Oh, what for?” 

“I figured we can have dinner together at the Japanese place two streets over.” 

Jongin swears his heart almost stops or he almost drops his towel again (either one), because are his ears playing a trick on him? Kyungsoo is _ voluntarily _ asking him to dinner? His idol, and the man he has looked up to since way back, is saying he wants to spend some time with him, on his own accord? 

“Why?” he blurts out. 

Jongin sincerely hopes this is a sign of Kyungsoo warming up to him. Their relationship dynamics over the past month has been nothing short of a roller-coaster — there were days when the Coach treats him kinder and is more forgiving of his mistakes, but of course, there were also days when everything and anything triggered Kyungsoo and he would lose his temper, often lashing out at Jongin in the form of harsh words and added training. 

“It’s just odd that we have yet to have a meal together even though we see each other everyday. Forget it if you don’t want to,” Kyungsoo rushes out, almost as if he was trying to take back his original offer. Strangely, his cheeks are also flushed, and Jongin cannot fathom why. Perhaps the other finally realised his invitation to dinner sounded quite like one asking out another on a date. “I’ll just see you tomorrow.” The Coach spins around and starts to make his way down the corridor. 

“Wait! I want to!” Jongin shuffles forward in as dignified a manner as one can get clutching a piece of towel over his nether regions. “Let me change into my clothes and I’ll be right out,” he says. And without waiting for an acknowledgment from Kyungsoo, he continues shuffling forward until he reaches the changing room. He immediately slams the door behind him after he takes a quick glance back and spots the other still watching him. 

“What do you think you are doing, Kim Jongin?” he mumbles to himself and lets his forehead rest against the back of the door with a loud thud. The pain barely resonates in him. He knows he should probably not think too much into this dinner; he should just take it at face value that it is a dinner between a Coach and his student. You know… one of those _ bonding _ activities. Kyungsoo clearly views it like that. 

But the faster the beat his heart drums, the more unconvinced he gets. 

  
  


~

  
  


They should have known from the pink frilly banner outside and the pretty interior decor that their planned dinner at the Japanese restaurant in their neighbourhood tonight would be _ different. _

“I _ swear _I didn’t know they had a couple event today,” Kyungsoo insists, only for the hundredth time since they had set foot inside. “We can still leave if you’re uncomfortable… maybe when the waitress goes to take their order,” he points to somewhere at the back of the restaurant before ducking his head to hide behind the long menu board. 

“I’m not uncomfortable,” Jongin chuckles. On the contrary, he is finding himself quite enjoying their funny situation. “Are you uncomfortable?” he shoots back. “It’s just food, hyung. Don’t think too much into it, and don’t think too much into what others think… unless you _ did _bring me here on purpose?” he teases. 

Kyungsoo surfaces from behind his menu and glares at him over the top of it. “There is a knife on the table,” he says. “I can still kill you,” he adds slowly when Jongin’s only reaction is to let out a chuckle. “Let’s just order, eat fast and leave,” Kyungsoo finally caves to the silence, whining in exasperation and waving the waitress over.

The blush on the waitress’ face obviously tells that she recognises Kyungsoo from his skating days. “W-What can I g-get you, gentlemen?” she stammers through her nervousness and holds her pen over a notepad. 

“The chashu ramen set, please. And a glass of hot green tea to go with,” Kyungsoo says before glancing at Jongin. “What about you? The chashu here is really good… you should get that.”

“Hmmm…” he flips through the menu briefly before pausing. “What happened to my diet?” he smiles at Kyungsoo. And it takes the other only half a second to shrug and dismiss his comment. 

“I suppose you can have a cheat day,” Kyungsoo says. 

With that blessing, Jongin makes a happy noise and points at an illustration of another type of ramen. “How about I get this spicy one and we share?” he asks excitedly. 

“Uhm—” Kyungsoo does _ not _look like he wants to share, but Jongin hurriedly turns to the waitress to order. 

“Do you two want to get the couple set instead?” Jongin praises his good sense to raise his menu and cover his face in time because Kyungsoo chokes on his sip of water and nearly gives him a facial cleanse. “It’s only a thousand won more and you get to have fresh sashimi and a mixed tempura set to go with your two ramens,” the waitress adds, shooting Kyungsoo a worried look after because he has not stopped coughing after choking on his drink. 

“Yeah, let’s have the couple set please!” Jongin rushes out. He figures he might as well go all out since his Coach has given him a free pass for tonight. Kyungsoo swallows hard and tries to get the attention of the waitress, but he ends up coughing again when Jongin quickly sends her away to key in their orders. 

He fills Kyungsoo’s glass of water in silence and gestures for the other to drink up, all the while not daring to look him in the eye despite knowing that Kyungsoo is giving him the death glare. He can almost feel the hole being drilled on his forehead. 

“I’m a poor college student with little to no income… cut me some slack,” Jongin wheezes out a minute later. “It’s a thousand won savings, after all.”

He does not get a reaction out of the other until their waitress returns with Kyungsoo’s order of hot green tea. 

“You know I can afford to pay for both our individual set meals right?” the other asks. “Now they will definitely think we’re a couple. Well done.” His sarcasm is not lost on Jongin. 

“Please. How do you expect me to want you to pay for my meal? You’re not my sugar daddy,” he scoffs. “Neither are we on a date. Unless—” 

“Just drop it before I stab you with this fancy knife, Jongin,” Kyungsoo cuts him off with a warning, and all he can do is laugh in response.

“Anyway, what’s your plan for tomorrow?” he asks. “Now that I’ve got the triple lutz down, are you going to teach me the axel next or do we aim higher and try quads? Not that I’m looking forward to it either way…” he shudders because he remembers the one time he tried to imitate Kyungsoo executing a quad flip in a video, he had ended up breaking his ankle rather spectacularly. 

“I don’t care if you’re looking forward to it or not,” Kyungsoo says bluntly. “We start work on quads next week. I’m trying to get you into a small local competition organised by members of the National Skating Academy in October in Busan. It will be good exposure and a good platform to see where you stand after having worked with you for over the period of a month.” Jongin gulps when the other gives him a once-over. He does not expect Kyungsoo’s next question at all. 

“Do you think you’re ready for it?” 

“I-I—” Jongin is given temporary respite when the waitress returns with their ramen and sides and bids them a good meal. He can see Kyungsoo’s eyes are still fixed on him despite the many bowls and plates being laid down in front of them. Knowing that the other is patiently waiting for an answer, he takes the time to recollect his thoughts. 

The truth is… _ I have to be ready _, he thinks. This chance is one more than three years in the making. 

Once the waitress leaves them to their meal, Jongin says firmly, “I am.” 

Kyungsoo holds his stare for what seems like the longest time before he nods and picks up his chopsticks, and Jongin cannot help the smile that breaks out on his face. The other must be satisfied with his answer. 

“Although, I will need the help of a choreographer,” he adds midway through slurping down his noodles. 

Kyungsoo nods and sticks an ebi tempura into his mouth. “Of course,” he murmurs. “I already put some thought into it. I cannot trust you to come up with your own choreography,” he snorts. Jongin blushes. The other must be referring to that time when he had skated in front of him for the very first time — the trial he had _ bombed, _as he likes to describe it now. It was really haphazard then, with him randomly adding elements here and there because he thought it suited the music. 

“You have classes tomorrow morning right?” Kyungsoo asks. 

“Yeah, I do.” In fact, it is a lecture he cannot miss… not that he has not skipped lectures he could not afford to skip before. “Why?” Jongin adds. “Don’t worry, I’ll still make it the rink in time for our training in the afternoon.” 

“It’s not that. I’ll get my driver to pick you up outside the main doors at 3pm. We’re taking a break from the ice tomorrow,” Kyungsoo says. “We’re visiting my friend and he’s going to be choreographing a routine for you. He’s a little eccentric… but really, he means no harm.” 

“Wow… okay,” Jongin’s only reaction is to stuff his face with more food because Kyungsoo is fixing him a look, and he cannot understand why there is a shadow of a smile on the other’s face. It almost seems like a foreboding sign of what is to come. _ Oh no. _ He starts to worry. _ How eccentric is this friend of his exactly? _

They eventually drop the conversation to satisfy their hunger. In fact, dinner with Kyungsoo is turning out to be quite a pleasant experience barring the small blips when he had tried to sneak in a spoon of Kyungsoo’s soup and almost ended up with a chopstick jabbed in his hand (so it is true the other is really _ not _ keen on sharing). There was also their mini chopstick battle over the last salmon roe sashimi, which Kyungsoo had won _ eventually _, much to Jongin’s dismay as he returns to pouting at his empty bowl. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to split the bill?” Jongin leans down to whisper in Kyungsoo’s ear for the umpteenth time as they make their way from the back of the restaurant to the doors. He jerks his head back when his lips actually make contact with warm skin for a second and Kyungsoo glares up at him. 

“Yes,” Kyungsoo growls. “I can afford to pay for you too, Jongin. I was the one who asked to have dinner together anyway, so will you just _ drop it _ and get me out of here?” Jongin quiets and quickly grabs the push handle to help as the other starts grumbling about the difficulties of maneuvering his wheelchair in the restaurant. 

At least his wallet in his bomber jacket heaves a sigh of relief because he would have blown a hole in his monthly allowance if Kyungsoo had not settled the bill earlier. Not that he would admit this to the other now since he was previously boasting that he had the means to pay his share and he did not need a sugar daddy. Who knew some ramen and sashimi could cost so much? _ The couple set promotion was obviously a rip off _, he scowls to himself.

Just as they reach the exit, their waitress from before stops them and gestures to the lovely backdrop set up to the side of the doors — clearly a _ couple _backdrop, with hearts, romantic quotes and the likes. 

“Do you want to try out our photo booth and get a photo to remind you of your date tonight? It’s free.” She must not be good at reading situations because she even smiles at them, despite Kyungsoo scowling and transiting into his mean mode. However, before the other can correct the waitress _ snidely _that they are not on a date, Jongin quickly wheels him into the set-up and bends down so their faces are level. He ignores all of Kyungsoo’s heavy protests. 

“Smile hyung,” he whispers, whipping out a big smile on his own face. “There are people watching,” he says from the corner of his mouth. The reminder forces Kyungsoo to quiet down and cooperate, just in time as the waitress clicks on the shutter. 

But Kyungsoo does manage to punch him on his side awhile later, when Jongin had burst into laughter looking at their photo because the other had looked so _ grouchy _. On the other hand, there was Jongin radiating sunshine just a couple of inches beside him.

“Throw it away,” Kyungsoo tells him when they were waiting by the road for his driver to arrive later. “Or burn it.” 

But Jongin manages to slip it into his wallet when the other is distracted, and he smiles to himself on the achievement. He cannot wait to look at it every time he needs some cheering up now. 

  
  


~

  
  


“Why have you decided to accompany me today?” Kyungsoo asks Baekhyun as the latter wheels him out of the lift and down the corridor to Yixing’s office, whistling a tune he does not recognise. _ Must be a red velvet song _, Kyungsoo thinks. After all, he knows his best friend best — he and Junmyeon are the worst when it comes to those girls. “It is so unlike you to volunteer,” he adds in a suspicious voice. The other’s happy mood also throws him off slightly. 

“I’m hurt, Soo. Can’t I want to spend some time with my best friend?” Baekhyun stops them and places a palm over his heart, giving him a faux pout. Now only if Kyungsoo could reach high enough to wipe that disgusting look off his face. “I feel like I’ve not been back in Seoul for the longest time.” 

Kyungsoo snorts but struggles the second the other envelopes him in a hug. Although, credit must be given to Baekhyun for being brave enough to tighten his hold. 

“You better let go right now,” Kyungsoo warns in a soft voice because there are people watching them weirdly, and surely they would be recognised, especially Baekhyun who is fresh off a win from Skate America. Kyungsoo has seen the scale of the media coverage on the event. 

And all it takes is a pinch to Baekhyun’s waist and the other is soon yelping and jumping away from him. 

“Come on. I’m already late for my appointment,” Kyungsoo wheels himself down the corridor, trying his best to ignore the soft puppy sounds his best friend is making as he catches up to him, hurt from the attack.

“Alright, the truth is I decided to come with you today because I heard about what happened the last time you got this jab okay?” Baekhyun admits. “And since it is my rest day, I had time to spare. It is totally _ not _like I missed you or anything.” He gives Kyungsoo an unconvincing side look. 

The former skater comes to a stop in front of a familiar set of doors and looks up at his best friend. The look of worry is obvious in the crease of the other’s brows and he is touched. Because he knows even though Baekhyun has a naturally playful personality and he likes to joke around all the time, the way he treats the people closest to him is always with utmost sincerity and kindness. It is exactly this that he appreciates the other’s presence in his life. 

Kyungsoo reaches out to hold Baekhyun’s hand and gives it a squeeze. “You know I’m fine now right?” 

“Yeah, after you almost _ died _on us,” the other frowns, but at least he squeezes back. And that is enough to bring a smile to Kyungsoo’s face. 

“Yixing said he is going to reduce the dosage this time. Me fainting and turning delirious will not happen again,” he reassures. 

“Alright, enough with the lovey doveyness…” Baekhyun breaks them apart a second later and knocks on the door with what Kyungsoo thinks is _ excitement? _He is confused at the other’s sudden mood swing. “Time to see our favourite doctor!” the other sing-songs and pushes open the door when Yixing’s voice can be heard from inside, telling them to come in. 

_Oh. _ Kyungsoo thinks he gets it now — the _ true _reason why Baekhyun had volunteered to bring him to the hospital today. 

It is pretty obvious when his best friend leaves him at the door and dashes into the room to greet Yixing with so much enthusiasm. 

“Hello, doc! I have missed you! Have you been treating my Soo Soo well?” 

“Don’t call me Soo Soo.” 

“Soo Soo, what are you still doing by the door? Roll yourself in!” comes Baekhyun’s cheeky reply. 

“You little bastard,” Kyungsoo says when he finally reaches the pair. “You came for—” A hand to his mouth shuts him up pretty quickly, and he glares up at Baekhyun. At least his best friend had the decency to look away guiltily. Too bad Yixing misses this interaction for he only turns around from rummaging in his cupboards now. 

“Hey Soo,” the doctor greets him. “It’s going to be the same procedure as last time, although I have reduced the dosage quite a bit. You really scared me last time. Why didn’t you call the second you felt unwell?” Kyungsoo gets a scolding look from Yixing and he hangs his head with a shamefaced expression. “If not for Jongin, I fear what could have been the outcome.” 

Yes, he needed this reminder that he is indebted to the younger. (No, not really.) 

“Alright, enough with the sad vibes,” Yixing claps him on his shoulder. “Why don’t you take your shirt off and we get you on the table?” 

“Ooh… are you going to take off your shirt too, doc?” Baekhyun asks shamelessly. Silence permeates the room at once, and Yixing and Kyungsoo eye him in shock and an emotion that screams _ you are an idiot _respectively. It is then that Baekhyun yells, “just kidding!” and tries to laugh off the awkwardness. 

But Kyungsoo sees the sad pout that settles on his best friend’s face, probably because he is not getting the attention he wants from the object of his affection, and he curses himself for being soft. “Ha. Ha,” Kyungsoo says monosyllabically. “Isn’t he funny?” he points out to Yixing in an attempt to brighten the mood in the room again.

And thank god Yixing is a genuinely nice guy because he chuckles and gives Baekhyun a smile, which in turn has the other feeling happy again. Kyungsoo gives himself a mental pat on the back for a job well done. 

Baekhyun owes him one for saving his ass.

  
  


~

  
  


“I couldn’t quite believe it when my assistant said you called yesterday, but oh my god you’re really here… Doh Kyungsoo in the flesh!” A young guy dressed in a sleeveless black mesh shirt and sinful black tights that accentuates all his curves saunters up to them and bends to give Kyungsoo dramatic air kisses. Jongin almost laughs when he spots the look of irritation and discomfort on his Coach’s face. “To whom do I owe the pleasure, my darling?” 

_Well, he is definitely eccentric alright._, Jongin thinks. Kyungsoo was right after all. 

“Tae—”

Jongin freezes when the man ignores Kyungsoo and turns to look at him, eyeing him up and down with a smile growing on his face with every passing second. 

“And you brought along a hot piece of ass as well. I should thank you,” the other coos.

Jongin gulps, covers his butt with his hands and shuffles sideways to hide partially behind Kyungsoo. As if that would provide any shelter at all. He can see his Coach rolling his eyes at him. 

“Your name, pretty boy?” 

Jongin shakes his head in fear.

“Enough,” Kyungsoo lets out an exasperated sigh and gestures between both of them to get the introductions out of the way. “Taemin, this is the guy I’ve been training, Jongin. Jongin, this is my friend, Taemin, who may not look like it, but he is actually a world renowned dancer and choreographer.” 

A cocky look appears on Taemin’s face when Kyungsoo lays that praise on him. 

“You must be wondering if he’s always so flirty and touchy.” He cannot help but nod lightly when Kyungsoo glances at him. But is the latter seriously asking him this right in front of the said guy? “Sadly, the answer is _ yes _. He’s always flirty and touchy.” 

Taemin scoffs. 

“But don’t worry too much about it… that is just his personality. His mother dropped him on his head when he was a baby. _ Also _ , I know for a fact that he has a boyfriend who _ doesn’t _ like his flirting one bit—” Taemin rolls his eyes exaggeratedly at this “— so get yourselves acquainted, but not _ too _acquainted. Taemin will be choreographing your routines, Jongin,” Kyungsoo says. 

Jongin jumps when the dancer claps his hands twice. There is now a look of seriousness on his face that was not there before. 

“Get changed, pretty boy. I hear you have a competition coming up in only two months’ time, so let’s get those sexy hips moving. Hurry along… the bathroom is over there.” 

He yelps when Taemin slaps him on the butt as he passes him with his tights clutched to his chest. He even glances back to shoot _ help me _glances at Kyungsoo, but the latter merely sighs and runs a hand over his face. 

“What’s the theme you want to go for, Tae?” Kyungsoo asks while Jongin is still preoccupied in the bathroom. “I know that look on your face. You already have something in mind, don’t you?” He makes a noise when Taemin comes closer and perches himself on the side of his wheelchair. The other even pats his head, and Kyungsoo has half a mind to chew his hand off. Shoving him on the floor seems another viable option.

“Yes, I do have an idea for Jongin already… I am referring to the short programme by the way.” They turn their heads collectively when the door to the bathroom swings open and the said guy steps out. 

Jongin has to pause a bit to take in the sight of Taemin hanging all over Kyungsoo, but he must eventually think it is safe to come closer for he steps forward. “But I’m not spilling yet. I want to see how good a dancer he is first,” Taemin says, popping up and stepping in front of Jongin who cannot help the nervous fidget of his fingers clasped in front of his tights because the other does not say a word while assessing his body. 

“Look at those hips, baby,” Taemin lets out a slow whistle eventually. 

Jongin sees Kyungsoo retreating to a quiet corner and whipping out his phone, so he knows he is not going to get any help there. He whimpers. He is well and truly at the mercy of the dancer now. 

“Kyungsoo said you used to do ballet?”

“When I was a kid, yes,” he shuffles forward when Taemin beckons him over to the barre. “Then after I quit ice hockey, I started to practise it again.”

“Good,” the dancer hums. “You must be pretty flexible then… well, what are you waiting for? Start stretching!” Jongin startles slightly when Taemin raises his voice so he quickly props one leg up. “Have you tried other genres of dance?” 

He shakes his head nervously. 

“Really? Not hip-hop or anything sexy… more sensual?” He gets a surprised look from the other and he does not know why. Does he give off the impression that he knows how to sexy dance? Taemin has on a contemplating expression next, and somehow Jongin knows where this is leading. 

“Well, I guess that will change soon then,” the dancer smirks and taps his thigh, although Jongin notes his fingers linger for longer than necessary. Jongin finds he longer minds; already used to the other’s touchy behaviour. 

After all, he trusts Kyungsoo would not have brought him here if Taemin was not but harmless. 

“Bend lower, pretty boy. What is the point of doing just a leg raise?” 

Jongin takes in a deep breath of air and folds his upper body till he feels the stretch in the back of his thighs. He certainly tries not to blush when he catches Kyungsoo staring in the mirror. 

Somehow the only thought that comes to his mind is _ I hope my butt looks fine _.

  
  


~

  
  


Meanwhile across the studio, Kyungsoo is finding it extremely hard to concentrate on the page he has pulled up on his web browser. 

He lets out an awkward cough and brings his phone right up to block his face when he sees Jongin looking at him through the mirror. _ Must pretend everything is normal, _ he tells himself. But who is he kidding? He squirms uncomfortably when Jongin looks away with a telling blush on his face, which meant the other had probably caught him right in the act of checking him out. _ One second! _ He had only looked for a hot second, he swears. 

“General requirements to enter the competition…” Kyungsoo reads off the website in a bid to distract himself from the even _ more distracting _sight some feet away. He does not know what had gotten over him actually. Before today, he could have sworn he would not have been able to put Jongin and the word attractive in the same thought. 

Kyungsoo cannot help but sneak another peek at the other who was basically showcasing his ass to the world, however he almost breaks his neck at the speed he looks down at his phone once more when _ Taemin _catches him looking and smirks at him.

“You’re an idiot,” he berates himself and forces himself to actually read through the registration page of the skating competition he intends to register Jongin for at the end of the year. The event is meant for skaters of beginner to intermediate level skills so he thinks it is a good platform to test Jongin. What he has not told the other is that if he does well here, he is actually considering registering him for regionals next.

To be very honest, Kyungsoo does not know what to think of Jongin’s standard of skating yet. Some days, he appreciates the other’s effort to push himself and he feels a sense of accomplishment whenever the other does what he tells him to without any errors. But, of course, there are the bad days when he has to control himself from cursing and chewing Jongin up for still being way off competitive skating standards. 

He fills in the required fields of the online form diligently when it loads, but just as he was about to type out his name in the coaching staff field, Taemin calls out to him. 

“Kyungsoo!”

And because he knows his friend very well, he utters a silent prayer for the sanity of his mind before looking their way. 

“Do you think Jongin is sexy?” 

He should have known it would be something along the lines of forthright and partially embarrassing. Thank god Jongin is blushing up a storm too from where he is frozen in a weird stretching pose on the floor. If Kyungsoo did not know better, he would have thought it was one of those kinky tantric sex positions. 

“W-What’s with the question?” He wants to smack himself for stuttering.

“I’m trying to convince Jongin to go with a sexy routine,” Taemin replies. “This bad boy will steal all the judges’ hearts with a smirk on that handsome face.” The dancer goes around Jongin and strokes his neck. “Don’t you think so?” The question is directed at Kyungsoo. 

“I s-suppose so,” he says. Maybe with his hair styled up and a killer outfit on, Jongin does seem to fit the bad boy bill. 

There is a frown that naturally appears on Kyungsoo’s face when he sees Jongin trying to lean out of Taemin’s touch. He understands that. The other can be quite overwhelmingly touchy. The first time he ever met the dancer, Kyungsoo had almost skated _ over _ his fingers _ intentionally _ because the other kept poking his cheeks and calling them squishy, _ whatever the hell that means?! _ If not for Junmyeon stopping him in time, he is sure he would have been put in jail by Taemin’s overprotective boyfriend who is _ coincidentally _(or not) a police officer. 

_“I don’t think he is quite right in the head, but sshhh… we don’t want Minho to sue us,” _Junmyeon had whispered to him a little later and made a finger-to-lip gesture. And Kyungsoo does not know if the other had meant it as a joke, even until this day.

“Stop touching him,” he snaps at Taemin, taking both the dancer and Jongin by surprise. 

“Why not?” Taemin gives him a shit-eating grin, and of course he has to place not one but _ two _of his hands on Jongin’s shoulder and starts giving him a massage out of nowhere. Kyungsoo’s eyelid twitches. He cannot put into words the weird feeling he feels in his chest when Jongin looks up at him with a pleading look; so vulnerable and yet entrancing. “Are you jealous?” 

The “of course not!” slips out too quickly to be believable, so Kyungsoo decides to spin his wheelchair around and face the wall instead. Like this, he can continue to fill in the registration form without any distractions. 

Naturally, he does not notice the way Jongin’s face falls. 

  
  


~

  
  


“You’ve got to be kidding me.” 

“What?” Kyungsoo asks. But from the smile he is trying to hide, Jongin knows the other is feigning it. He sure as hell knows what Jongin is about to say. 

“You never told me I will be competing against _ kids _,” Jongin continues to stare with wide eyes at the skaters warming up on the ice. 

“They’re not kids,” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes in irritation. “Granted they are a couple of years younger than you, but they’re still _ teens… _ were you not still one just a year ago, Jong—”

“And is that a grandpa doing a shotgun spin?!” 

True enough, there is a short white-haired man with a hint of a pot belly peeking out from under his dazzling outfit, showing off his moves at the other end of the ice. Kyungsoo sighs. “You will catch flies if you don’t close your mouth,” he says. 

At least that warning has Jongin snapping his jaws together, although he does not lose the look of utter shock and disbelief on his face. 

“I thought I told you this small local competition only has an open category? Anyone can join, and I mean _ anyone _.” He presses his hand against the small of Jongin’s back and nudges him to get him to start walking towards the registration booth as he wheels himself forward. “Don’t look down on your competition just yet… who knows, that old grandpa might just whoop your ass,” he teases. 

“Have a little faith in me, okay?” Jongin scoffs and gives Kyungsoo a look. “I trained _ hard _ these past three months with you, and Taemin has practically turned me into a professional dancer with the hours I have spent under him. I will _ crush _ the competition. Just you wait,” the other says haughtily. 

Kyungsoo shakes his head and follows after Jongin who is clearing the way for him. He wants to tell the other to not be cocky, because cocky and confident are two different things altogether, but he misses the timing to speak because a staff member greets them when they reach the front of the booth. 

“Oh my god, are you Doh Kyungsoo?” She starts to slap the arms of her co-worker sitting beside her excitedly, and Kyungsoo tries to shush her because he does not want to draw attention to himself. But the pitch of her voice only elevates. “You’re Doh Kyungsoo right! Oh my god… can I take a picture with you, please?” By now, the people around them have already noticed him and are stepping closer, talking amongst themselves while giving him glances. Some have even whipped out their phones to take pictures, and Kyungsoo feels his blood drain from his face. 

This was not the scene he had expected before today. He can already imagine the news of him appearing at a public rink after months of him staying away from the limelight spreading like wildfire on social media. 

“Sorry, I don’t want to—” he means to say he is uncomfortable with the request, but the girl cuts him off. How rude. 

“Just one photo! I promise.” She stands and tries to lean over the table to do a selfie with him, and that is where he draws the line. Kyungsoo backs away quickly and lets out a sigh of relief when Jongin steps up to block him from the staff. From behind, Jongin’s wide back makes him look so dependable… and that is what he needs right now — safety. 

“I’m here to collect my competitor’s tag,” the skater says. “My name is Jongin, Kim Jongin.” Kyungsoo tries to hide his smile when Jongin unabashedly, and quite obviously on purpose, continues to shift left and right to block the staff’s view when she tries to peek around him. “Hey!” the skater finally snaps. That effectively startles the staff. “Eyes on me, okay? I am the star today. I’m the one who is finally competing after years of training. Can you get me my name tag now? You are cutting into my warm up time.” 

“I-I’m so sorry!” The girl quickly turns red in the face and flips through her list to locate Jongin’s name. Meanwhile, Kyungsoo can only roll his eyes (in amusement) when Jongin glances over his shoulder and winks at him. 

“Come on, hyung,” the younger practically snatches the tag from the staff’s hand when she hands it over and leads Kyungsoo to a spot where there is lesser people. 

“Thanks,” Kyungsoo whispers when they come to a stop. 

“Come again?” 

He almost repeats himself until he catches sight of the teasing look on Jongin’s face. “You heard me fine. I’m not saying it again,” Kyungsoo scowls. 

Jongin laughs and does his seal claps. “What a rare phenomenon — hearing you thank me,” the other says. “Let them look, hyung.” The expression on Jongin’s face gradually softens. “Just ignore them… and if it gets too uncomfortable, we can always leave.” 

“What nonsense are you spouting?” Kyungsoo frowns, breaking his silence at this point. “I’m not letting you leave without skating in this competition. Were the past three months of hard work a figment of your imagination, or are they so easily dismissed? What are you waiting for? Start stretching! Don’t think you can take it easy just because this competition only requires short programs.” 

There is the Kyungsoo he is used to seeing, not the one who looked so uncomfortable and vulnerable when the staff and the people around them had been crowding around him by the booth earlier. 

Jongin snaps to attention at once and does a mock salute. “Yes sir!” he smiles and starts to prepare himself. 

“Guess what?” Kyungsoo’s voice makes him look up while he is holding his legs open in a split. “You’re skating tenth in the field of fifteen—” Jongin hums. That does not sound all that bad. “—and the grandpa is skating before you.” 

He splutters. 

“Just try not to get your ass handed to you,” Kyungsoo laughs. 

“Shut up,” he scowls.

  
  


~

  
  


“Deep breaths, Jongin. You look like you’re about to vomit out your lunch,” Kyungsoo places his hand on the younger’s back and gives him a couple of soft pats hesitantly, as if afraid exerting too much strength will actually make him puke, which is the opposite of what the Coach wants. 

“I don’t think I can do this,” Jongin panics, still watching the grandpa who is halfway through his routine. He is next on the ice, and the sudden realisation scares him a ton. 

“Why are you acting like this now?” Kyungsoo says in a soft, calm voice. “Where was the confident and determined guy from earlier?” 

He shakes his head. He does not know where that part of him has gone either. While waiting for his turn, and while watching the rest of the skaters before him, gradually Jongin had felt his heart rate pick up and his fingers turn clammy. 

“What guy? I don’t know him.” 

It is not because the rest are really good and it adds pressure on him to deliver — there were a couple of amateurs who skated simple routines and there were some who had big falls; there is no doubt that this is considered an amateur-standard competition. It is also not because of the crowd that has gathered to watch in the hall. There are only about a hundred pairs of eyes that would be on him shortly. He is used to larger crowds from his hockey days. 

It is in fact the fear of disappointing. 

It is the fear of letting down Kyungsoo, and more importantly, letting down himself. Because he knows the outcome of this skate will have a significant influence on the rest of his path. His insecurities and his inner demons from having failed to achieve anything in the past three years is creeping back into the picture now.

“Kim Jongin-sshi? Please head to the holding area now. The skater before you is almost done,” a staff holding a walkie-talkie runs up to them, and after confirming Jongin’s tag pasted over his black pants, he barks into the device and hurries off again. 

Kyungsoo must notice the way his eyes widen, expression on the brink of losing it, as Jongin realises he has run out of time. 

“Jongin, come here,” his Coach commands. And before he even has time to do as told, Jongin feels himself being tugged down by his sequined collar and then warm hands press up against his cheeks. With Kyungsoo holding onto his face like that, Jongin’s eyes are drawn to the other’s at once and he slowly starts to calm down because the look in the Coach’s eyes anchors him instead of allowing him to let his fears consume him. 

“I know you are scared, Jongin,” Kyungsoo says. “I myself was terrified the very first time I skated in front of a crowd.” Jongin blinks. “But you’re strong. You have proved that in the past months. Believe in yourself more, okay? Because I believe in your ability,” the other pauses. 

They can see from the corner of their eyes the previous staff waving at them to get their attention. It seems Jongin’s turn has finally arrived. “Remember why you skate, Jongin. Remember who you skate for, and you will be fine.” 

“Okay, okay…” the younger mutters to himself. 

_Remember why you skate. Remember who you skate for._

Jongin straightens up when his face is released, and when he opens his eyes, Kyungsoo sees from the fire within them that the skater has found his answer. 

“Kim Jongin-sshi!” 

“I’m ready!” He yells back to the staff waiting by the entrance of the rink before looking at Kyungsoo. 

“You’ll do well,” his Coach says. “Taemin’s choreography is nothing short of amazing and I have faith you will pull it off. To quote him:_ make your audience fall for you _.” Jongin nods and Kyungsoo gives him a reassuring smile before nudging him in the direction of the rink. “I’ll be waiting for you at the kiss and cry.” 

  
  


~

  
  


**DOH KYUNGSOO SPOTTED AT NEIGHBOURHOOD SKATING EVENT IN BUSAN**

Many were stunned to see the former World and Olympic champion turning up at the small competition meant for amateur skaters yesterday. Officials we spoke to shared that Doh Kyungsoo was in attendance as a Coach to 20-year old Kim Jongin, who is surprisingly a former National Ice Hockey Team player. What an interesting pairing. 

Doh Kyungsoo was involved in a major car accident in November 2015 that paralysed him from the waist down. The famous lyricist and composer, LOEY (real name: Park Chanyeol), Kyungsoo’s boyfriend at that time passed away in the same accident. This public appearance at a competition, albeit a small one, marks the first time in almost a year he has returned to the rink. 

[.JPG]

[.AVI]

**post response:**

**[+293][-61]**

**original post: ** **here**

[+112][-9] KYUNGSOO-YAH… It has been so long. My heart hurts seeing you in the wheelchair, looking out onto the ice, which was once your life TT TT thank you for coming back after all you have gone through! You are the strongest person I know. I hope you will continue to show us your beautiful smile. 

[+88][-3] That Kim Jongin kid he is training is no joke! I was there yesterday and Jongin-sshi skated to MOVE by Taemin. THAT SONG ASDFGHJKL fuck! The temperature in the hall just shot to the roof. He was so sexy! Some of my girlfriends almost fainted when he winked. Too bad he only got second because he fell… Where is he competing next? I am definitely going to cheer him on! 

[+69][-6] Sis, I agree. From the video, he looked like an experienced playboy HAHAHA… But why was he staring at Kyungsoo throughout his routine?! All those smirks and sensual looks ;; HOW IS KYUNGSOO STILL ALIVE AFTER THAT?! If I were him, **I will definitely fall for him!!! **

[+25][-41] Wait, so that Kim Jongin is a former ice hockey player? Why is Kyungsoo-sshi training him for figure then? Is he not a little too old to be starting the sport lol 

  
  


**~**

  
  


“What are you doing here?” Kyungsoo growls the second he swings his door open. He hopes his glare is sufficient to ward off the poor soul that had rang his doorbell. And he does indeed gain a little bit of satisfaction when he manages to scare Jongin to take an involuntary step back. Gominnie runs up to the door and barks in excitement. 

_That puppy traitor. _

“I don’t have time for you today,” he says as he reaches for the door to slam it in Jongin’s face, but the latter is obviously prepared. 

Jongin jams a foot forward desperately and lets out a whimper when the door hits his foot _ hard _. He should probably have thought this through more before offering up his bad leg as sacrifice. 

Seeing this, Kyungsoo quickly holds the door for him. “Are you crazy?!” he roars at Jongin. “Why did you do that? Do you want to add an injury to yourself while we are in the midst of preparing you for regionals in three months’ time? Let me see,” he reaches for his foot. 

Jongin steps further into Kyungsoo’s apartment so that the Coach will stop fussing over him. The other does not know of his old injury and he intends to keep it that way lest he angers him again. He moves away from the door also because he does not want to give Kyungsoo another chance to chase him away.

“Seriously, I’m fine,” he tells the man trailing after him, ignoring the throbbing in his ankle as he pats Gominnie. “Why weren’t you at the rink?” He finally gets down to the real reason why he is here in Kyungsoo’s apartment. “I thought we had morning practice.” Jongin whirls around to look at Kyungsoo, who is remaining oddly silent. “I waited for you, and when an hour passed I decided to come looking. I was worried… You weren’t even answering my calls or replying to my messages,” he pauses for a short while before adding, “are you okay, Kyungsoo hyung?” 

Kyungsoo lets out a sigh and tries to ignore how he feels about Jongin looking genuinely concerned for him. 

“Did I do something wrong?” the skater worries his bottom lip. “I know I was really frustrated at training yesterday and might have said some stuff I didn’t really mean… I’m sorry. Please don’t be upset at me,” Jongin reaches out for Kyungsoo’s hand, but the latter calmly shifts it out of reach. 

“It’s not you, Jongin. There is no training today. I’m giving you a rare day off so you better treasure it,” Kyungsoo says. “I have stuff to do so be on your way now.” 

But Jongin refuses to move even though the other shoves at him. The news that his Coach is cancelling his training for the day surprises him. After all, it has been full steam ahead since he won silver at that competition in Busan a month ago. 

Without the distraction of college anymore — his graduation date had flown by at the start of winter, leaving him with a generic business degree he does not know what to do with — Jongin had found himself shuttling between the rink and Taemin’s studio _every single day_, without a break. Of course, there were days he had protested Kyungsoo’s insane schedule for him but the Coach has never yielded. 

Now that he is offering Jongin rest _ voluntarily _, it throws the skater off. 

“What stuff?” the question slips out of his mouth easily. Gominnie barks and hops up to place his paws on Jongin’s thighs, seemingly bored at the fact that their visitor is not giving him the attention he wants. 

“None of your business.” Kyungsoo makes for the kitchen, and it is then that Jongin notices the flowers and packed food lying on the dining table. 

“Wait, are you going on a date?!” He cannot help his pout. Somehow, he does not want to think about the other seeing someone else. 

He regrets asking the second Kyungsoo turns around, small knife in hand and a murderous expression on his face. 

“Do I look like I’m dressed for a date?” the other snarls and slices the roll of kimbap with probably more strength than needed. 

Jongin looks Kyungsoo up and down unabashedly since the other had practically given him the permission to. White dress shirt and black formal pants — a look he sees on the other quite regularly. He briefly wonders if Kyungsoo’s wardrobe really consists of only this outfit. 

Although boring, men do go out on dates dressed like that so he cannot be sure. The choice of flowers is somewhat surprising to him though. Rarely does one gift white flowers to their dates because of the meaning they carry. 

“If you’re done loitering around in my apartment, get out,” Kyungsoo shoves the wrapped kimbap and all the food containers into a big paper bag before picking up the bouquet of white lilies and making his way to the door. “My driver is already here.” 

“I’m coming with you,” Jongin blurts out. 

Kyungsoo pauses midway through sliding on his shoes. “Uhm… no, you’re not,” he deadpans. 

“You said it wasn’t a date,” Jongin avoids eye contact. “So I don’t see why I cannot follow you to wherever it is you are heading to.” He shrugs. 

“Do you not have anything better to do?” Kyungsoo cries out exasperatedly. “Even if it is not a date, which _ yes _… it is not, you still cannot come.” 

“But hyung!” He whines and rushes up to the other as he wheels himself out of the apartment. The last thing Jongin wants is for Kyungsoo to lock him in. “You cannot just take me by surprise and give me a day off without letting me have some advance notice. What am I supposed to do now? Go home and play video games or something? I need to practise my jumps!”

“Don’t be dramatic, Jongin,” Kyungsoo sighs and pushes Gominnie’s head back into the apartment so the puppy does not get hit by the closing door. They can hear Gominnie’s sad whines at being left behind and Kyungsoo gives the door an apologetic look. “Do you not have friends? Family? Perhaps go home and spend time with Jongdae and your father for once?” 

“Jongdae hyung and my dad are in Sweden now, and I have no friends,” Jongin holds the lift door for Kyungsoo as they get in. “I only have you.” 

“I’m being serious!” he rushes out when the Coach snorts. Jongin quickly helps the other with his bags, despite there being some protests. “For some time now, my life has revolved around you,” he raises his voice to get his point across. 

Jongin is agitated, and rightly so,_ because Kyungsoo is just not listening! _

He only realises he could have worded his sentence better when he sees the blush on Kyungsoo’s cheeks. 

_My life has revolved around you. _

The blood drains from his face at once, _not_ because it is not the truth (it is quite literally!), but rather he is _unprepared_ to make known the truth to Kyungsoo now. After all, there are more important things on their daily agenda than his feelings. 

“I mean my life has revolved around _ skating _ because of your insane training, and I see you every single day,” Jongin quickly clarifies. “So don’t push me away, okay? I’ve nothing and no one else.” He hurries out of the lift without waiting for Kyungsoo the second the doors open on the ground floor. 

_Kill me now, _he gives himself a mental slap. That was by far one of the most embarrassing moments of his life! Although for the rest of the walk to Kyungsoo’s car, Jongin is too distracted by his own thoughts that he does not realise the other is no longer protesting his company. 

Kyungsoo allows him to climb into the backseat after his driver stows away the wheelchair, and their whole journey to a destination Jongin does not have a clue where is spent in awkward silence. 

  
  


~

  
  


It is almost an hour later, when they are pulling into the carpark of the national cemetery, that Jongin thinks he is one of the world’s most ignorant and insensitive bastards. 

“I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t know…” his voice trails off when Kyungsoo turns to look at him. Suddenly, the bouquet of white lilies in the other’s hands makes so much sense. It is November after all. Jongin wonders how he missed this detail. 

“It’s his one year anniversary today,” Kyungsoo says in a soft voice and unbuckled his seatbelt. “Come on, let’s not keep him waiting.” 

“M-Maybe I should just stay in the car—” he means to offer the other some time with Chanyeol, but he also realises it would be rude if he does not go and pay his respects. “Uhm…” he pauses to weigh his options.

“You should go say hi at least,” Kyungsoo makes the decision for him. “You’ve met him before, right?” he asks as he hauls himself onto his wheelchair with practised ease. “I suppose since you are already here, I cannot just expect you to leave alone. Come on then… grab the food for me. I have the flowers.” 

Jongin steps out of the vehicle and rushes to follow after the other at once.

“He’s down this way,” Kyungsoo tells him as they make their way down a more private path.

Despite it being almost the dead of winter, the sun overhead is mercilessly today and the lack of wind makes him want to scratch the uncomfortable spot below his arms. But Jongin feels even more tortured when he sees how Kyungsoo’s face changes when they finally reach Chanyeol’s resting place. He stands back to allow the other some space, not knowing what to do with himself after having bowed and said a greeting in silence. 

“I’m here, Yeol-ah,” Kyungsoo moves closer to lay the flowers by the headstone, and the way he stares at the photo of a smiling Chanyeol makes Jongin’s heart aches. He almost drops the basket he is holding when Kyungsoo mentions him. “You also have another visitor today… Jongin’s here as well,” the other beckons him forward with a wave of a hand and he shuffles forward awkwardly. “Do you remember him? He is Jongdae’s little brother, and perhaps what is more surprising is that I’m now his Coach,” Kyungsoo lets out a slight chuckle. “He has taken up figure skating.” 

“Hello, Chanyeol hyung,” Jongin bows again and sets the basket down by Kyungsoo’s feet. “That is true. I’m very grateful to have Kyungsoo hyung by my side. I hope you’re doing well up there—” he pretends he does not see Kyungsoo face away and wipe at the corner of his eyes “—don’t worry about Kyungsoo hyung. As you can see, he is living well. We’ll take good care of him.” 

_I’ll take care of him, _he means to say too. 

Jongin feels like he is still intruding into Kyungsoo and Chanyeol’s private space so he decides to take his leave first. “I’ll wait for you by the main hall, hyung. Take all the time you need,” he says, only stepping away after he receives a small grateful nod from Kyungsoo. He does not notice the other staring after his back until he is no longer in his line of sight, assuming that Kyungsoo has already forgotten his presence since he is in front of Chanyeol. 

When Jongin disappears past the row of rose bushes, Kyungsoo trains his eyes on his ex-boyfriend’s photo again. 

“He’s the reason why I’ve been too busy to visit you these past months actually,” he sighs. “I miss you… I feel like a lot has happened that I need to update you on.” Somehow, spreading out a mat on the pathway and unpacking the food he brought along reminds him of his old dates with Chanyeol — their picnics at Hangang whenever their schedules allowed them some rest, with falling cherry blossoms adding a beautiful backdrop to their dates — happy memories. 

Maybe in another lifetime and at another place, they can go back to what they once were. 

But not here and not now. 

“Firstly, Jongin is right. I’ve decided to get my act together,” Kyungsoo says. “I didn’t want you to feel sad whenever you look down at me and see me in a bad state.” He takes a bite of the kimbap he had prepared earlier. “In fact, I bet you will be happy to hear that I have been diligently following Yixing’s rehabilitation programme.” He squeezes his thighs gently and the _ minute _tingle he feels puts a smile on his face. “Who knows? I may be able to walk again someday,” he shrugs. 

“Let’s see what else happened since I last came here…” his voice trails off before he makes a noise halfway between surprise and a grunt. “Ah! Can you believe Baekhyun has a crush on someone?” Kyungsoo laughs to himself, and the conversation is all a blur to him from then on. 

“Jongin happened next,” he shares. Again, Kyungsoo does not leave out a single thing about his story with Jongin. Beginning from _ that _ first time he saw the younger skate, he does not spare Jongin’s blushes at all, he tells Chanyeol _ everything _, even laughing when he recalled some of the more dramatic falls the other had experienced during training and their most recent competition. He does not even realise how much time has passed as he shares every single detail.

It is only much later when Kyungsoo gets a phone call from his driver that he realises just how late it had gotten. The sun has long disappeared below the horizon and he is only able to see his surroundings because of the soft glow from the nearby lamps lining the path back to the main lobby. He starts to pack up at once. 

“Bye, Yeol. I’ll come back to see you again soon,” Kyungsoo gives Chanyeol a small wave when he is done and starts to make his way back. 

Somehow, he feels that he is leaving with a lighter heart this time as compared to all his past visits. The hours had flown by while he was talking to Chanyeol today, whereas in the past, his time spent was always hijacked by occasional periods of painful silence with him either breaking down in tears or not knowing what else to say besides _ “I miss you” and “Why did you leave me? Come back, please.” _

Kyungsoo briefly wonders what has sparked this change.

He was definitely not expecting to find Jongin sleeping on a bench when he approaches the carpark. Apparently, the younger had fallen asleep while waiting for him. There are even two take-away cups of what he presumes is (now cold) coffee near Jongin’s head. He glances at his phone and wonders why the other had stayed the entire four hours he was occupied with Chanyeol when he could very well have left earlier after asking for a ride from his driver. 

_Why are you being so nice to me, Jongin? _

Kyungsoo wheels himself closer until the distance between them allows him to touch the other’s face if he wishes. 

He thinks the answer to his earlier question on what has changed is right under his nose now. He also realises belatedly that he had spent almost the entire time with Chanyeol talking about the young skater and he only feels a tad guilty now.

“Kyungsoo hyung?” 

He jerks his fingers away from where they were about to make contact with Jongin’s cheek when the other stirs and looks up at him. At once, he tries to put on a blank face, although the blush on the younger’s cheeks makes him wonder if Jongin knew how close he was to touching him. 

“I’m leaving. You can either catch a ride with me or stay the night here. Whatever,” he spins around while trying to hide his embarrassment and wheels himself away furiously. 

Jongin yelps and jumps off the bench at once. 

“Wait, don’t leave me here, hyung! It’s scary at night. What if there are _ ghosts _?” he whispers the last word, eyes frantically sweeping the area.

Kyungsoo does not even need to look to know Jongin has a pout on his face. He shakes his head when he realises _ why _he would know. 

_Get a grip, Doh Kyungsoo. He is your student, _ he emphasises to himself. _ Friend at best, _ he concedes. But when Jongin catches up to him and gives him a smile, warm hand on his shoulder, Kyungsoo thinks he will not be able to fight this battle of feelings for much longer. 

~


	7. Chapter 7

“Hyung, I can’t feel my arm,” Jongin wheezes. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Kyungsoo lets go of the other abruptly and starts to play with his own fingers instead, clasping and unclasping them, before fiddling with the ring around his neck. He then continues to glance around the cabin with a wild look in his eyes, much to the concern of Jongin.

The latter frowns and stares at the man sitting beside him. Kyungsoo’s odd behaviour had started roughly half an hour into their flight to Hokkaido and he has been trying to figure out what was making the other so fidgety ever since. Even his face is unnaturally pale, and Jongin swears he sees a sheen of sweat lining Kyungsoo’s hairline. The sight is just so uncharacteristic of the other it makes him worry.

“Are you okay, hyung?” he asks again, leaning over to place his palm over the Coach’s forehead. At least the physical contact makes Kyungsoo still and his dark eyes lock onto Jongin’s at once, that is until the plane shudders because of turbulence and the other lets out a loud yelp before diving forward to bury his face in Jongin’s shoulder — the only safe space that springs to mind at short notice. 

_Oh. _Jongin blinks dumbly.

“So it’s the turbulence that’s causing you all these discomfort huh?” he chuckles lightly. 

A muffled “I’ll murder you if you keep laughing” surfaces, but before Kyungsoo can continue to put up a tough front, the plane dips slightly and the seatbelt sign blinks on. “Oh my god,” the other’s grip on Jongin’s arm tightens considerably and he starts to mumble to himself, words too soft for Jongin to catch, while the flight stewardess makes an announcement overhead. 

They are seated in business class only because the flight is not full and the airline decided to upgrade Kyungsoo’s (and inadvertently his) seat so the former had more space. Try moving down the aisles of economy class with a wheelchair and you will understand the difficulties. It is practically impossible. 

Jongin looks around helplessly because he thinks he is beginning to lose feeling in his arm, but no one is paying them any attention. He gulps at the realisation that he is on his own in dealing with a bad flier. 

He does not know what came over him when he starts to stroke Kyungsoo’s head gently. 

“Hey, it will be alright,” Jongin bends to whisper in the other’s ear. He thought Kyungsoo would already be used to flying given that he used to take off every month for competitions back when he was a skater. But it is clearly _ not _ the case from what he is seeing.

Who knew the mighty Kyungsoo has this type of fear? Jongin contemplates whipping out his phone to take a video for future blackmail, but he knows the other would not appreciate it. He also prefers to stay on his Coach’s good side so… 

“It’s just turbulence. It’s really normal to experience it when flying. It will go away after awhile, I promise. It’s not like the plane will just fall out of the sky,” he tries to make light of the situation, but he earns himself a hard glare instead. 

“How do you know that?” Kyungsoo snaps. Jongin winces when the other squeezes his arm tightly in response to the plane jerking suddenly. “I hate flying. This is all your fault!” The other ends up groaning and releasing his hold on Jongin reluctantly when he spies the discomfort on Jongin’s face. 

Of course, Jongin does not say anything after that. After all, he knows their trip to Japan is all for him so he cannot even protest. 

The NHK Trophy is to take place in Sapporo over the next couple of days, and Kyungsoo had really insisted on bringing him to watch. He had cited reasons such as _ greater exposure _ and that it would be a _ positive learning experience _ for Jongin to watch all the top seeds competing. The skater’s silver medal at that small local competition in Busan had been swept under the rug even before the day had ended. 

Jongin thinks Kyungsoo is also trying to prepare him for his official debut at Regionals and, following that, Nationals, so he had followed Kyungsoo eagerly; like a puppy with his owner. 

It is nice that he would get to watch Baekhyun and Yerim skate as well. He is all prepared to cheer for his friends. 

“Do you like cheesecake, hyung? I love it.” 

Jongin’s random statement out of the blue actually succeeds in distracting Kyungsoo from another short bout of turbulence, and he gives himself a mental pat on the back. 

“What?” the other stares at him like he has just grown another head. 

“There’s a place that sells the world’s best cheesecake at Lake Toya… have you been there?” 

“This is my first time in Hokkaido actually,” Kyungsoo says. 

“No way!” Jongin gasps and gives the other an incredulous look. He is not faking this reaction at all. “You’ve never been to Hokkaido — only one of the world’s most beautiful places? I used to come here almost every summer when I was just a kid. My mom would bring me down to the lake, just the two of us, and she would dance for me along the—” he stops rather abruptly, afraid to dive deeper into his memories. Kyungsoo is looking at him silently now. 

His mother sneaking them out so that they could enjoy more time together, dancing along the edge of the water amid a stunning backdrop of vast blue and tall mountains… It is a distant but happy memory, one that Jongin considers keeping to himself. 

But when Kyungsoo’s lips curl up into a small, reassuring smile, as if to tell him he understands this is a topic he is uncomfortable with and he need not delve deeper, Jongin makes the split second decision to trust the other with this memory. 

The stories all come tumbling out then, and Kyungsoo does not put a stop to his chatter. In fact, Jongin is surprised the other could be such a good listener; never once interrupting his flow, and yet, doing sufficient to let him know he is paying attention. It reminds him of their talk three years ago actually — that time they had spent together in the showers after he had given up ice hockey. 

When Jongin grows tired eventually, Kyungsoo actually takes the initiative to carry on their conversation. The Coach speaks of his golden years and slips in encouragements here and there, which Jongin truly appreciates. And it is obvious from the shine in Kyungsoo’s eyes as he goes on and on, uninterrupted, that he misses his skating days. 

“So I’m actually thankful I’m training you now, Jongin,” Kyungsoo admits in a soft voice a good hour of talking later. “I don’t know what has come over me to be so sappy… I think it’s the lack of oxygen at this altitude. I can definitely guarantee you won’t hear me repeat that ever again so remember this day.”

“Wait, can you repeat that line again so I can take a video recording of you?” Jongin jokingly reaches for his phone and smiles when the other bats his hand away from his pockets. His heart flutters when Kyungsoo’s touch lingers above his thighs. 

“I’m being serious,” the Coach says. “I know I can be very difficult during training, and there were times it was obvious you were frustrated and drained. But I’m proud of how far you have come. I have faith I’ll see you skate on the big stage soon.”

“Thank you, hyung,” Jongin whispers and stares down at his lap, willing for the blush on his face to go away. Because he feels touched, in a magnitude he has not felt before. 

He also feels like he has just _ fallen _ head first into a deep well of emotions — one he does not necessarily need saving from. 

The sudden appearance of an air stewardess at the aisle startles them. “Sir, I will need you to restore your seat to an upright position for landing. Thank you.” Jongin glances out the window and blinks when he sees land in the distance.

_Exactly how long have we been talking?_

He turns to Kyungsoo and finds the other wearing a similar confusion on his face. 

“But hey, at least I got you to forget about your fear of turbulence,” he teases. 

Kyungsoo’s eyelid twitches and he mutters a soft, “I’ll murder you if you ever speak of this again.” But his face soon melts into a smile and Jongin laughs along with him. 

The younger hopes their relationship can remain this friendly and _ positive _. He thinks the long, and at times personal, conversation they just had was definitely better bonding then their pathetic attempt having dinner at that Japanese restaurant some time back. 

Sneaking a peek at Kyungsoo’s side profile now, Jongin feels they have taken a considerable step closer to each other. He blushes and pretends to be distracted by something else the second the other turns and catches him looking. 

  
  


~

  
  


“It’s great to see you two again after what feels like ages,” Junmyeon pulls Kyungsoo in for a hug before patting Jongin on the shoulder. “Watched a clip of your performance in Busan, and I must say Kyungsoo and Taemin have done a good job with you,” he praises. 

Jongin dips his head shyly and follows after Kyungsoo who is trying to locate their seats. As they make their way around the rink to the wheelchair-friendly section, soft murmurs grow in the crowd and Jongin even sees a couple of phones raised to snap photos of them. He does not know what to do when two teenage girls rush up to him with wide smiles and enthusiastically ask him for a photo. He considers dodging behind Kyungsoo so he can get out of it, but that plan falls through when the other raises his hand to wave at someone. 

“Yixing? What are you doing here!” 

Before it registers in his mind to follow after Kyungsoo who is already a few steps ahead, the two girls shift to stand in front of him. One of them already has her phone raised so Jongin obliges to the photo. 

_Who is Yixing? _ He cannot help but look over at the handsome man speaking to Kyungsoo up ahead. _ They look close _, he thinks as he watches Yixing bend down to wrap Kyungsoo in a tight hug. Too close for his own comfort, in fact. He does not even notice the frown appearing on his face subconsciously, choosing to look away from the pair after a second to quell the bitterness that has surfaced within. 

“Who’s that, hyung?” he asks Junmyeon the second the two girls leave, and the tone he uses must have amused the other greatly because he gets an eyebrow raise and a hint of a smirk. 

“Why are you asking?” 

“N-No particular reason… just curious since they seem quite c-close,” Jongin blushes and curses himself for stuttering through his reply.

“They look good together, don’t they?” 

He does not pick up on the teasing lilt in Junmyeon’s voice. 

_Together? As in… _Jongin’s face falls. He did not know Kyungsoo was seeing someone. All these months spent by his side, training day in day out, he had not noticed the other going out on dates. He also thought Kyungsoo was not emotionally available given what had happened with Chanyeol. That is why he has not made a move himself, after all. 

“Y-Yeah, they’re both very handsome,” he replies curtly. 

“That’s Yixing, his doctor. They’ve known each other for ages. Come on, let’s go say hi. I need to join up with Baekhyun soon for his warm-up and pre-skate media doorstop.” Junmyeon claps him on his shoulder and nudges him forward, an amused look still on his face. Jongin still cannot comprehend the meaning behind it. 

He has always liked it when Kyungsoo smiles, but nothing in his current frown screams he approves when he sees the other beaming up at Yixing and even poking him on his sides playfully. 

“There you two are!” Kyungsoo gestures for Jongin to come forward when he sees him. “This is Jongin, Yixing.”

“Ah! The protégé!” Yixing stretches out a hand and gives him a welcoming smile. “Nice to finally meet you, Jongin. I’ve heard _ so much _ about you from Kyungsoo.” Jongin flicks his eyes between the pair suspiciously when Kyungsoo deftly pinches Yixing on a place he cannot quite see and causing the latter to let out a yelp. 

_What the hell was that about?_

“Only good things, I hope?” 

“Of course,” Yixing’s smile falters. “Wow, you have a really strong grip.” They release their handshake and Jongin finds joy in the way the other has to massage his wrist. _ That should teach him! _ This time, it is Kyungsoo giving them a suspicious look, one that he carefully avoids. 

“We still have about an hour to go before Baekhyun takes the ice,” Junmyeon says as he follows them to their seats. “He’s going second last.” 

“How’s his condition today?” Kyungsoo asks. 

“Good. He’s feeling pretty confident right now.” 

To everyone’s amusement (and Kyungsoo’s confusion), Jongin practically leaps forward to occupy the seat beside the wheelchair zone the second they find their seats. _ Ha! _ He cannot help but give Yixing a haughty look. _ Guess who just lost the chance to sit beside Kyungsoo. _

“What the hell are you doing?” Kyungsoo narrows his eyes at him. 

“N-Nothing… I was just really looking forward to resting my legs?” he tries. 

The other gave him a doubtful look while Junmyeon and Yixing hide their smiles away. After staying to chat with them for a bit, the Coach eventually excuses himself to join Baekhyun for warm-up. 

“You coming, Yixing?” 

“Yeah.” The said guy hops to his feet, squeezes out of his thick coat and lays it on his seat. “Baek has been texting me non-stop. I’ll be back before the first skate,” he tells Kyungsoo and gives Jongin a small smile before following after Junmyeon. 

The second their friends disappear in the crowd, Kyungsoo turns on Jongin.

“Why have you been acting weird all night?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he gulps. 

Kyungsoo scoffs and throws his hands up in the air. “Fine! Be like this the entire trip. I don’t care.”

Jongin actually feels a little bad for making the other upset, but this is far better than admitting he felt like a green-eyed monster earlier.

“He’s here.” It is Kyungsoo who spots Baekhyun first among the sea of skaters and coaching staff, and points him out to Jongin. “By the television cameras.” The PA system overhead blares to life and an over-enthusiastic lady announces the start of warm-up on the ice. “I want you to pay close attention, even to his warm-up routine.” 

Jongin hums. “You know… the last time I watched a skating competition live, it was you I couldn’t take my eyes off.” 

There is a suspicious tint of pink on Kyungsoo’s cheeks as he splutters. 

Jongin blinks. _ Wait. _He freezes the second he plays back his words. That almost has a double meaning. 

“I meant to say I paid attention to you the entire time you skated,” he corrects quickly.

“Oh…” Kyungsoo lets out a soft sound after a painfully awkward pause. “And here I thought you were admiring my skating and calling me mesmerising or something.” He chuckles to fill the growing silence. 

_But you were mesmerising! _Jongin wants to admit. 

He catches himself right as the words make their way to the tip of his tongue. Also, Kyungsoo’s sudden retching throws him off completely. 

“What?! What happened?” Jongin pats the other’s back in concern, only for his attempts to get shrugged off. 

“I told them to kill the excessive PDA, ewww…”

He looks around to spot what had prompted this reaction from Kyungsoo, and his jaw almost hit the deck when he sees Baekhyun with his legs wrapped around Yixing’s waist, the two locked at the lips and seemingly battling for dominance with their tongues. 

“Baekhyun always says it’s his good luck ritual before skating but I call bullshit.” 

“Wait, they’re together?!” Jongin almost screeches. 

“Yeah, unbelievable right?” Kyungsoo scoffs. “Yixing is way too nice and out of his league.”

“I’m glad.” He sags in his seat.

“Wait, why are you glad?” 

Jongin wipes the smile off his face at once, blinking at Kyungsoo in silence. 

“Erm… just happy for them,” he says eventually. “Aren’t you glad for your best friend?” 

At least the other buys it and takes his eyes off him. _ Phew. _He can breathe easy again. 

They watch the rest of the warm-up in silence. Jongin actually forces himself to focus. They came to Hokkaido for a reason, and he does not want to waste this chance to learn what with Regionals coming up so soon. 

“He has such a beautiful form on the triple axel.” 

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo nods. 

“I don’t know if I can ever pull that off so brilliantly.” 

“Jongin, look at me.” Jongin finds himself doing as told at Kyungsoo’s firm voice. “You can, Jongin. I believe in you.” He blinks. He sees nothing in the other’s eyes that betrays how genuine his words are. “I want you to believe in yourself too. I want you to look at Baekhyun like a target.” Jongin’s eyes shift to follow the skater’s path on ice. “You will skate on the same ice as him one day. Have faith in yourself.” 

_But it was you I wanted to skate on the same ice as one day _, he wants to say. Instead, he gives Kyungsoo a smile and whispers, “Okay.” 

“Okay,” the other repeats after him after a short pause just studying his face. And from the warm smile he gets, Jongin thinks Kyungsoo gets it; he thinks he heard him just fine.

  
  


~

  
  


“Okay, why are you following me?” Kyungsoo sighs. “I told you I can make my way back to the hotel myself.” 

“I’m not following you,” Jongin denies and stuffs his hands in his coat pocket. It is so cold here at night he thinks he might actually develop frostbite without his gloves on. 

At least Kyungsoo looks warm and cozy dressed up in his thick layers. Jongin is envious. The other also looks like a puffy marshmallow (aka. cute). Jongin is _ not _ fine at all. 

Maybe he should have taken up Baekhyun’s offer to grab a second round of drinks to celebrate his lead after the short programme instead of take off when Kyungsoo had excused himself. The free skates are scheduled for the weekend so Junmyeon had decided to cut his skater some slack. _ Only for tonight though _, the Coach had insisted throughout the course of their dinner, despite everyone knowing he is just saying that so he has an excuse to drink too and not feel bad about restricting Baekhyun. 

Jongin stops when Kyungsoo stops again and turns around to glare at him.

“You’re clearly following me!” 

“We stay in the same hotel!” he bites back. 

“Then why aren’t you walking ahead of me? You have long legs… you should be way ahead of me by now. I don’t need you to walk me back, Jongin.” 

Okay, maybe he _ did _ want to walk Kyungsoo back to the hotel. But he sure as hell was not going to admit it. _ Seriously, it is too cold out for all these childish arguments. _

Jongin sighs and crosses over the two steps separating him and Kyungsoo, taking control of the wheelchair’s push handles, oddly without a sound of protest from the other. He sees that Kyungsoo’s hands are all red from how long he has been holding onto the metal parts, exposed to the cold, so he supposes that is the reason.

He had once asked the other why he does not ride a motorised wheelchair, because _ would that not save him so much energy and effort trying to make his way around? _He does not bring it up again after Kyungsoo had given him his answer. 

_“It’s because I still want to feel like myself, Jongin. It’s tiring to rely on my arms all the time, but the pain reminds me that some parts of the old me remain. I know that now. I’m not going to be fully dependent on my wheelchair. I can still be me.”_

“Fine. I was following you because I don’t know my way back, alright?” he bluffs. 

“Oh, well why didn’t you just say so then.” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and points to a building in the distance. “It’s that way.” 

Jongin grunts in acknowledgement and starts walking. 

It is about midway through their journey when he stops and stares at a familiar signage. 

“What happened?” Kyungsoo looks around. “Why are we stopping?” 

“That sign.” Jongin’s eyes widen when he spots a familiar log and gravel path too. “That log and that path!” He takes a step away from Kyungsoo and in their direction. “I remember this place,” he says, turning around to stare at the other. 

“Is this the place by the lake your mom used to bring you?” Kyungsoo asks softly. 

_Yeah… _Jongin swallows hard, eyes following the barely lit path he knows would lead straight to the edge of the water. 

“You should go take a look. I can wait here.” 

“You know what… why don’t you come with me?” Jongin suggests. He thinks it would be nice to have Kyungsoo accompany him. 

“Don’t be silly, Jongin. I can’t go on gravel.” 

“I’ll carry you then.” He smiles and approaches Kyungsoo, persistently scooping the other up in his arms despite all the protests and flailing. “Now stop moving before I drop you in the lake.” The death grip around his neck tightens at once.

“I’ll kill you if you do, I swear to god… it’s so cold out.” 

He steps over the log and heaves Kyungsoo higher in his arms before continuing on his way. “You’re quite heavy,” he comments. 

“I’m wearing four layers!” the other insists. 

They do eventually make it to the short boardwalk Jongin recognises, and he has to take a moment to collect himself as all his past memories come rushing back. 

“She used to dance for me by the side of the boardwalk.” He juts his chin out to point at the exact spot. “And I would always try to copy her,” he chuckles, feet naturally leading him in that direction. 

“Well, why don’t you dance now? I’m sure she knows you’re here… I’m sure she’s watching with the biggest smile on her face.” 

Kyungsoo squeals suddenly when instead of putting him down, Jongin swings them around in a semblance of a pirouette. He hits the younger on his chest repeatedly, asking to be set down. “We’re going to fall or you’ll drop me, Jongin! Stop it right now.” But Jongin continues to fool around, no doubt laughing even harder at the grouchy look on Kyungsoo’s face. Thank god there is no one around to witness their shenanigans.

It was only a matter of seconds before they both grew dizzy, and Kyungsoo’s weight in his arms brought them crashing down onto the unforgiving gravel. 

“Oh fuck!” the younger curses. 

“Jongin! What did I say,” Kyungsoo groans and pushes himself up to a sitting position. His jackets are all messed up, and he even has to fix his collars. He definitely face planted back there. There might even be a bruise or a cut on his chin. However, his well-being is the least of Kyungsoo’s worries. “Did you hurt your ankle? I swear to god if you broke anything, I’ll break your neck! Regionals is just a couple of months—”

Similarly, Jongin hovers over the other at once, anxiously biting onto his lower lip. “I’m fine, but are _ you _ okay? I’m so sorry!” He tries to pat Kyungsoo down and look over him for injuries, but his hands get batted away and he earns a hard slap on his shoulder instead. 

He might have enjoyed Kyungsoo fussing over him a little bit too much. When the latter is satisfied that Jongin did not hurt himself during the fall, he gestures to be picked up and they slowly make their way back to where they had left Kyungsoo’s wheelchair. 

Jongin is a little sad his time with his mother’s memory was cut short, but he feels more reassured knowing he still has a couple of days left in the city. He can head down to the lake again tomorrow for sunrise. 

It is much later when he is helping Kyungsoo into bed as the other holds up an ice pack to nurse his bruised jaw that Jongin spots something missing. In fact, he would not have noticed it if he was not admiring the exposed skin of Kyungsoo’s chest through his shirt. _ (Sshhh…) _

“Did you misplace your necklace?” 

“What do you mean?” Kyungsoo mumbles, “It’s right he— _ oh. _ ” Instead of the familiar cold metal of his soundwave and engagement rings, his fingers come into contact with warm skin. “I don’t know where it is,” he admits in a soft voice eventually, looking up at Jongin with a much calmer expression than what the latter had expected. Which is a tad _ weird _in itself. Kyungsoo is also a little surprised at his own lacklustre reaction. A year ago, he would have already been descending into full-blown panic attack mode. 

“Do you think it came off when we fell earlier? Or maybe it’s back in the restaurant… I can go check for you right now!” Jongin knows the significance of the necklace to Kyungsoo; the latter has been wearing it for as long as he could remember. Perhaps that explains why he feels anxious at the thought that it is now missing — he thinks Kyungsoo cannot go on without it, and he also thinks he is partly responsible. He feels guilty.

A strong hand clasps on his wrist the second he decides to set out, halting him in his tracks. 

“Don’t be silly, Jongin. It’s already late out.” His eyes meet with Kyungsoo’s blank ones; unreadable as they are pitch black. 

“But your necklace—”

“It’s okay,” he says. “It’s not your fault. I could have dropped it anywhere during the course of the day and I would be none the wiser; I wasn’t particularly paying attention to it today.” 

In fact, it has been some time since he has been so conscious of Chanyeol’s rings around his neck, Kyungsoo notes. 

He briefly wonders why. 

“You don’t have to go out looking. Maybe it’s a sign… maybe it’s him telling me it’s about time I let go.” 

Even with his reassurance, Kyungsoo can read exactly what Jongin is thinking. The younger’s face might as well be a book with how expressive it is. So he resorts to using his authority as his Coach. “I _ forbid _ you to go out now,” Kyungsoo emphasises. “Get some rest and I’ll see you at the hotel lobby for breakfast at 6am. Morning run is at 7:30am. Don’t be late. Got it?”

Jongin only looks up when the other gives his hand a tight squeeze, and it takes an even longer minute before he dips his head in a slight nod. 

Kyungsoo does not know why he cannot sleep well that night. 

  
  


~

  
  


He is furious. 

Kyungsoo rolls himself into the lift and absolutely massacres the button for the 14th floor the rate he jabs at it. 

He cannot believe Jongin stood him up for breakfast! 

“The nerve of him,” he growls. “He can’t still be sleeping, right? I said 6am! It’s almost 7 now!” He promptly shuts up when the lift stops on another floor to pick up another guest. He sure does not want to be mistaken as crazy. 

_Who does he think he is?! I will show him his place! _He continues to curse inwardly instead. 

When Kyungsoo finally finds himself in front of Jongin’s room, as well as an empty hallway (he checked, _ twice _), he shamelessly pounds on the door with one fist and rings up a storm on the bell with his other. 

“Wake up, Kim Jongin! You better let me in right this instant! You son of a bitch… you have some explaining to do!” 

It takes a couple of minutes before he hears the automated beep of the door unlocking and he swings open the door with more force than necessary. “Finally!” Kyungsoo rushes in. Thank god Jongin used the room’s electronic system control to open the door because his face would have met a terrible fate if he was standing right behind it.

“Wake your ass up, Kim Jongin! I warned you not to be late last night. Do you know what time it is?!” He stretches his torso forward to jab mercilessly at the cocooned lump on the bed, ignoring all the muffled whiny protests he receives in return. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t punish you in training later—”

Kyungsoo pauses when a messy bed of hair pops out from beneath the covers and he is met with sleepy, puffy eyes. Or maybe Jongin is just squinting because of the morning sun. He has quite the view of a sunrise from his balcony after all.

“God, you’re so loud…” 

Kyungsoo chokes back an affronted gasp and an _ “excuse me?” _

“I’m sorry I overslept. I was up late last night.” Jongin wriggles out of his cocoon with some difficulty and sits on the edge of his bed, facing Kyungsoo. There is something wrong with his voice too — it is not just laced with sleep… it almost sounds like he has caught the flu bug.

Kyungsoo gets the confirmation he needs when Jongin promptly sneezes in his face. _ Ewww… _he fans himself desperately. At least the other had the decency to look apologetic when he realises what he has done.

“Are you sick? Why were you up late? I thought I told you to get some rest?” 

“You really are an overbearing parent, aren’t you?” Jongin hops to his feet. “I was out late because I got you this,” he rushes out his words. Before Kyungsoo can even take in the small box the other shoves at his chest, Jongin has already dashed into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. 

_What is this? _Kyungsoo blinks down at his hands before peeling the box open, and what he finds stuns him.

Rings. Chanyeol’s soundwave and engagement rings — the ones he thought he had lost last night. He cannot believe Jongin really went out again to find his necklace, late at night and in the harsh winter cold, despite his repeated warnings to him not to. 

Was that why the younger had overslept? Just how long had he spent looking?

Kyungsoo picks up the rings daintily and holds them to his chest. 

_Why? Why did you do this for me? _He looks in the direction of the bathroom. He could very well ask Jongin this question directly, but judging from how much time passes without the younger making a reappearance, he knows he is probably hiding from him. 

Again, _ why? _For what reason is Jongin choosing to avoid him. 

Kyungsoo knows he has much thinking to do. He eventually decides to take his leave for Jongin probably would not come out of the bathroom until the coast is clear. 

This time, he surprises himself again when instead of putting back on his necklace he returns it to the box and tucks it away in his coat.

He does not know exactly why he does that. He just knows it felt the right thing to do moving on. 

  
  


~

  
  


**May 2017.**

  


**STARS TO LOOK OUT FOR AT THE NATIONAL SKATING CHAMPIONSHIPS**

As always, the start of a new season is expected to bring back old fan favourites and new faces. With the forced retirement of our national hero, Doh Kyungsoo, more than a year ago, we now eagerly await the new skater who will join Byun Baekhyun, World Championships Silver Medalist, and Cha Juhyun, former Olympic Bronze Medalist, as the men team representatives for the Republic of Korea. 

Who will prevail at the National Skating Championships tonight? A fan poll conducted by the popular news outlet, Sports Chosun, indicates it will be a toss-up between Kim Jongin (21) and Kim Yongwoon (18). Both skaters performed beautiful routines at Regionals in March. However, Kim Yongwoon has far more experience in competitions despite being younger. Will he come out on top? 

[.JPG]

[.JPG]

**post response:**

**[+898][-401]**

**Original post: ** **here**

[+692][-414] Are you kidding? Jongin has Doh Kyungsoo as his Coach… The script has basically been written already! He will fill the gap Kyungsoo left in the National Team. My money is definitely on him to qualify… 

[+390][-766] Are YOU kidding?! Yongwoon oppa has been skating since he was 7. He DESERVES this spot more than that idiot. Not sure what dumb luck Kim Jogin has… maybe Kyungsoo was still concussed from the accident when he agreed to coach him haha. Watch him flop and bring down both their names =X 

[+15][-1] Sis, this ain’t it… 

[+661][-102] Shut the fuck up. How dare you speak of Kyungsoo oppa like that? Do you know what he has been through? Just don’t. I heard Kim Yongwoon has a really bad attitude. It must be true then… his fans are equally disgusting. Do yourself a favour and fuck off! 

[+239][-99] I couldn’t tell that Jongin-sshi just started figure skating last year from his performance at Regionals. He looked very comfortable throughout, almost like an experienced skater. So long as he doesn’t let the pressure get to him… I think he’ll do well later. I also have nothing against Yongwoon-sshi. I’m just here to watch good skating tbh 

[+198][-11] All these drama about the men’s team in the comments… Am I the only one who is here for Kim Yuna, and _ only _Kim Yuna? Lol 

  
  


~

  
  


“Are you okay? I don’t recall you ever being so nervous apart from that time when you had to skate after the Grandpa,” Kyungsoo chuckles to lighten the mood. 

At least someone thinks it is timely to make jokes. _ Ha. Ha. _Jongin glares at his Coach. He feels like he is about to throw up his dinner. 

“Come on, be _ that _ confident Jongin at Regionals. You did so well last time… you surprised us all!” 

“Oh don’t remind me. I told you I was delirious from all the flu meds… I barely remember getting through the programme.” 

Kyungsoo snorts and reaches over to fix Jongin’s collar before steering him away from the camera crew lingering at the edge of the warm-up area. He knows the skater would probably appreciate some time to himself now.

“Okay let’s be serious now.”

Jongin takes in a deep breath and exhales slowly, locking eyes with Kyungsoo and letting his calm voice ground him. Suddenly, it is like the loud cheers and music playing in the hall that is packed to the rafters turn mute. He manages a small, albeit nervous, smile for the first time that night. 

“You’re going to do well, Jongin. You’ve trained really hard to get to where you are today. Taemin also gave you a brilliant choreography,” Kyungsoo returns his smile. “Trust in your training, trust in yourself and trust _ me _. That last spot is yours.” 

That reminder of how important his performance here at Nationals is again — he is still nervous, but there is also more adrenaline and determination pumping through his veins now. Because he knows what is at stake. Every skater that will take to the ice tonight knows. 

There is one last spot on the National Team left, and Jongin just hopes he has enough in him to fill it.

A warm hand fitting against his own puts a smile on his face and the gentle squeeze Kyungsoo gives him almost makes him blush. 

The gesture is affectionate, as well as borderline inappropriate for the two who claim to be _ just _ Coach and student. In fact, they are not sure of their labels anymore. 

There is no denying that something changed last Winter in Hokkaido. The lengths Jongin had gone to retrieve Kyungsoo’s lost necklace was really telling of the feelings he harboured for the latter, and Kyungsoo is fully aware. He acknowledges it on the inside, but he just does not know how to deal with it. Jongin also does not talk about that episode, so that is how they had let the unspoken balloon into what it is today. 

“Thank you,” he says sincerely, squeezing Kyungsoo’s hands back and stroking the back of it with his thumb. He feels so much better already. 

The loud shouts of Kyungsoo’s name forces them apart, and Jongin frowns when he sees Yongwoon and his Coach approaching them. The pair has always rubbed him off wrongly somehow — Beomsoo was a retired skater whose bad reputation preceded him, and there was just something about Yongwoon’s smile and the look in his eyes whenever he greets him that screams _ fake. _Jongin does not think the other skater takes to the public labelling them as rivals well. 

“It’s so _ good _ to see you! It’s true then? You’re back and you’re coaching Jongin of all the skaters you could have chosen?” Beomsoo greets Kyungsoo with a hug, but everyone in the vicinity could sense the animosity between the pair. Jongin wonders if they had a bad history together. He also does not miss the condescending glance over and smirk Beomsoo and Yongwoon send his way respectively. 

_Of all the skaters you could have chosen? _ He wants to roll his eyes. _ They are playing mind games with you, _ Jongin tells himself. _ Do not fall for it. _

“Can’t say I feel the same.” Kyungsoo says tersely, backing up a bit to put some space between them. “Good luck to you and your skater later on. Let’s skate cleanly and fairly _ for once _, alright?” The hidden meaning is not lost on all of them, and Jongin can tell from the way Beomsoo’s face hardens that he is preparing to retaliate with snide remarks of his own. 

Thankfully, the sudden appearance of the camera crew throws him off and instead he breaks out into loud laughter and claps Kyungsoo on the shoulder. He is clearly putting on a show, and Jongin wants to laugh himself because apparently Kyungsoo does not give two fucks about media; he was not even trying to hide his scowl. 

“Come on, Jongin. It’s almost time.” 

A member of staff comes up to them shortly after to inform them to be on standby, and Kyungsoo leads the way back to the edge of the ice. Jongin is skating second out of the field of ten today and he quite likes this order — preferring to just get it over and done with rather than let the nerves build while waiting for the other skaters to be done. They spot Taemin along the way. 

“Taemin! Stop flirting and come over here,” Kyungsoo yells. 

They have not seen the dancer since they arrived at the hall and reported to the holding room. Taemin had yelled something along the lines of “_ woo! _ juicy thighs” and disappeared completely. They could not be bothered to go after him _ or _question his priorities then. 

“I’m back! Missed me?” Taemin asks after prancing over from whoever he was bothering. “Looking good, Jongin,” he lets out a low whistle, grabbing Jongin’s hand to spin him around like a model. The skater is dressed in a midnight-black laced top and skintight pants that accentuates everything he rather not accentuate; silver tear-shaped gems bedazzling his waist. Even his hair is swept back in a mature, classic gelled look. “So sexy.” Taemin winks. 

Jongin feels like he is about to combust from embarrassment. His face feels hot and he cannot help but curl his body into himself, his personality too shy to accept a compliment of such nature. 

“Stop teasing him.” Thankfully he has Kyungsoo stepping in to save him. “But he’s right, Jongin… you look really sexy.” Or not. Jongin blushes even more furiously at Kyungsoo’s words. _Oh my god!!! _He wants to flail and fling himself off the top of a mountain. “Straighten up.” He receives a hard slap to his back, making his body jerk up at once. “Smile, wait no, _smirk_. There you go…” 

Jongin thinks his smirk looks stiff and awkward more than anything. 

“Seduce the audience with your magic, Jongin.” Taemin throws his hands out and does spirit fingers at him. “It’s like MOVE was made for you to flaunt those hips and thicc with two Cs—” he makes sure to place emphasis on the last two words “—ass.” 

The skater’s hands go to cover his butt at once. They do not look _ that _ big in this leggings right? He is quite conscious of how he looks. 

“But I don’t know how to seduce anyone,” he whines out, voice barely audible because he does not want to draw more attention to them. Taemin was already doing a good job at that — distracting everyone in the vicinity from the first skater who had just entered the rink. 

“Just be yourself,” Taemin reassures. “You’re a pork cutlet bowl fatale here to enthrall all in the audience and break their hearts. Sell the story, Jongin.” 

They do not even know where that odd reference came from.

Probably some Japanese anime the dancer is always obsessing over. 

“Don’t think too much into it, Jongin. Just do what you did at Regionals,” Kyungsoo tells him, and that is the last thing he hears before loud music fills the hall and the fans cheer the house down. 

  
  


~

  
  


_ I’m a pork cutlet bowl fatale here to enthrall all in the audience and break their hearts. I’m a pork cutlet bowl fatale here to enthrall all in the audience and break their hearts,” _ Jongin repeats Taemin’s statement over and over again before he comes to a stop in the center of the ice. _ Fuck Taemin. _He knows there are probably better and more appropriate motivational quotes out there, but he is too nervous to conjure them up in his mind. 

He has three seconds before the familiar beats of MOVE start to play, and he makes use of that time to give Kyungsoo one last look. The Coach is parked by the gates to the ice and staring right back at him already, slim shoulders barely visible over the walls because of his height. Jongin could laugh, but he controls himself. 

_Where was I? _ He thinks. Oh right. _ Pork cutlet bowl fatale. _

And when the first beat drops, so does Jongin’s previous panic. He puts on a mask at once, smirk and seductive eyes coming to the fore naturally. _ This is it _, he tells himself. This is where he either makes it or breaks it. He has been training for years for this stage; he does not want to let himself, and more importantly, Kyungsoo down.

Jongin lands his opening quadruple toe loop almost perfectly in time with the music. The slight wobble on the landing does not affect the rest of his routine much, instead he draws from the energy of the crowd and skates on, confidence growing by leaps and bounds whenever the crowd applauds after he pulls off some intricate choreography and spins. 

There is temptation to look over at Kyungsoo and Taemin whenever he skates pass them at the bend; to seek reassurance that he is doing things right. But he never gives in to it. He has done this routine plenty of times in training and at smaller competitions. He knows he has got this. _ They better be smiling _ , he thinks, because he feels more alive than he has ever been; he feels invincible. 

Two other faces that come to mind as he winds up for his final jumping pass are his parents. Jongin knows his mother would be infinitely proud of his achievement today, no matter his scores or if he earned qualification eventually, because simply having the opportunity to perform at such a platform does not come easy. He has already achieved what many others could not. 

_How I wish father can see me now _, he thinks as he sticks his landing on the quadruple lutz, arms extended to the air in tribute to his mother in the heavens, before launching himself to round off the triple toe loop. He has come a long way to prove to the elder that his dreams are valid. 

The collective roar of the crowd that comes when he slows to a stop and the flowers thrown his way bring jubilation. But when Jongin spots the proud smile Kyungsoo gives him as he makes his way off the ice, he cries. He does not care if there are many cameras documenting this moment (okay maybe his future self will hate him for not reining in the choked sobs and seemingly exaggerated deep breaths he takes to calm himself). 

Kyungsoo lets out a soft “oomph” when he practically launches himself forward to give him a hug at the door. Unsurprisingly, the Coach does not miss the opportunity to make fun of his ugly crying. 

“You have snot on your chin,” Kyungsoo pats him on the back before forcibly shoving him back so they can make their way to the kiss and cry to get his scores. There are almost ten cameras trained on the sofa. Just great for his public image, he thinks. 

Jongin perches himself on the arm of the sofa so he can have Kyungsoo seated right beside him in his wheelchair, while Taemin sidles up to him on his other side. 

“What did I tell you earlier…” Kyungsoo trails off.

“That I’ll do great?” Jongin takes his eyes off the electronic scoreboard to give the other a smile. 

“Yes, you did great.” The Coach returns it. 

And the scores he gets reaffirm that, sparking off another bout of ugly crying. 

“Alright, that’s enough. Wipe your face. No one deserves to see it like that.” Jongin squawks when the towel Taemin throws at him hits his nose. “We still have the free skate in two days. We can celebrate after that.” 

  
  


~

  
  


“I’m so happy you’re here, Jongin,” Baekhyun greets him with a wide smile and pulls him in for a quick hug. “That quadruple-triple combination you pulled off toward the end of your skate on Monday… _ Ballsy _. You must have pretty good stamina to last that long, huh?” 

“Tell me, Baekhyun, does your boyfriend allow you to make such lewd and sexual innuendos to any cute guy you see?” Kyungsoo groans.

The skater cackles before slapping his best friend’s shoulder. “Bitch, please. Yixing appreciates cute guys more than me. I get so jealous sometimes. Let me tell you about that time I saw—”

“Is that why you shove your tongue down his throat at every opportunity?” 

“Exactly! Can’t have him looking elsewhere, you know what I mean.” 

“You know you already have him smitten to the bones right, Baek?” 

Jongin barely hears Junmyeon joining in Kyungsoo and Baekhyun’s conversation; their voices washing over and growing lost on him, because his mind keeps going back to what Kyungsoo had said earlier.

“You think I’m cute?” He interrupts, a blush spreading across his cheeks quickly. That effectively silences his friends. 

“What?” Kyungsoo turns to him. 

“You said cute guy…” Jongin does not know how to follow up so he points at himself shyly before quickly hiding his hands behind his back. 

“I never did.” The denial comes out fast and furious, but the Coach sends them all an incredulous look when they yell collectively in response, “You did!” 

“I-I… you—” Kyungsoo splutters before putting on a scowl to address Jongin, “Go warm up. Shoo! Where are your skates?” He points in a totally random direction, other hand perched on his hip. 

“I left them in our holding area,” Jongin replies giddily before walking off. “I’ll go get them.” 

“You’ve got it bad,” Junmyeon tells Kyungsoo the second the skater disappears from sight. 

“Can’t blame him,” Baekhyun chimes in. “That boy’s booty is thicc—” he raises a peace sign to his face, “—with two Cs.” 

“What the… are you Taemin ver. 2.0?” 

“Erm… what’s with that question? That beautiful man _ dreams _he looks like me,” Baekhyun scoffs. 

“Never mind!” Kyungsoo quickly dismisses the topic. “Don’t you have to go warm up too? Shoo!” 

“I’m skating last so I still have some time left.” His best friend shrugs. “But I guess we’ll leave you to be alone with your cute boy now.” He exchanges a cheeky look with Junmyeon who nods in affirmation before waving goodbye . 

And that is how Jongin finds Kyungsoo when he returns a couple of minutes later, stewing at a corner with his face still red and mumbling to himself. The Coach visibly startles when he taps him on the shoulder. 

“What took you so long?” Kyungsoo stares out onto the ice, avoiding eye contact. The hall is gradually filling up now, and there are more and more people crowding in the section nearest the skaters’ pen trying to get the attention of their favourite stars. Jongin returns some shouts of his name with polite smiles. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles, clutching his skates to his chest. He sees Kyungsoo’s eyes darting to the side to look at him before darting away again, even though he was still facing away. “I thought I left my stuff at our holding area but I found them near the media centre instead.” 

“Media centre?” 

“Yeah, must have left them there after our interview.” Jongin puts down his skates and occupies the space to Kyungsoo’s right. “I’ll start with stretches now.” The Coach hums but still does not look at him, a pensive look now on his face. Jongin can only sigh and drop to the floor. 

_Focus, Jongin _, he tells himself. After all, he is used to Kyungsoo’s random mood swings. There are better days to dive into the whole complication that is feelings. The muscles around his left ankle are still feeling tight and there is almost a small ache present. Jongin folds that leg and massages it. He hopes it is only temporary and that warming it up will do the trick; he cannot have his past injuries coming back to haunt him at this crucial period. 

  
  


~

  
  


“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo does not hide his concern this time and places his hand on the small of Jongin’s back gently as the skater bends over to tighten the laces of his left skate. “Your landings were a bit sloppy and there was a slight step out during the triple-triple. That’s a big point deduction.” 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just need to tighten my skate more.” He straightens up and hands Kyungsoo his blade covers before stepping onto the ice. He hopes he manages to conceal the slight wince that appears when he puts weight on his left leg. 

“Alright—” Kyungsoo leans forward in his seat the second Jongin turns back around to face him. “This is it.” 

_This is it. _Jongin nods. Overhead, the announcement of his name and the song he would be skating to is made and loud cheers from the audience quickly follows. He bends down and inches closer to Kyungsoo to hear him better. The last pep talk. 

“You don’t have to be nervous, Jongin. You’ve been training hard and preparing well for today. You know this routine inside out. Just have fun out there. You should be proud no matter the result.” 

Quick and to the point — he expects nothing less from Kyungsoo. 

Jongin gives the other one last smile before making his way to the center of the ice. He is, in fact, _ not _fine. That was a lie earlier. There is something clearly wrong with his skates, specifically his left skate, but he cannot seem to figure out what the problem is. Even after tightening his laces repeatedly, he still does not feel that comfortable in it. 

He does not have the time to think about it because the music starts the second he looks up at the crowd. He would just have to suck it up. 

As expected, the quick tempo and Jongin’s energetic step sequences pump up the crowd from the start. He was honoured to have one of Taemin’s friends, a really famous composer, write this original piece for him. It is equal parts dark and dramatic, and when paired with his smoky eye make-up and red-black outfit, the whole package _ stuns _. 

Jongin lands his opening quadruple lutz, barely. But the crooked contact his skate makes against the ice when he comes down from his jump helps him pinpoint the problem at once — his right blade is slightly loose. He should have known during warm-up; his landings were all over the place, and despite tightening his laces countless times, his skates kept jarring his ankles. It was probably what worsened the ache in his right ankle, which should rightfully have been taken care of with warm-up. This is a huge problem.

He is perplexed because he has always taken good care of his equipment. Unless it was sabotage, there is really no reason why his perfectly fine pair of skates was broken.

Well, there is nothing he can do about it now. He cannot stop his programme mid-way and ask for a redo. Jongin grits his teeth and powers through the rest of the elements — most of his spins are pretty easy on the ankle, and he even lands a quadruple salchow pretty solidly, only because he makes a tiny adjustment on the placement of his feet to lessen the impact, already anticipating pain. The fix was not going to be sustainable though, and he knows that. If anything, it would just aggravate the hurt in the long-run. 

The remaining jump combination at the climax of the song is what worries him the most — a triple axel, single loop and triple salchow. The transition in and out is so fast, he is not sure he can manage it as well as he does in training with a trashed skate and banged-up ankle. 

Sure enough, he does not recover from the triple axel quick enough, barely tying in the single loop after before popping out of the triple salchow on the first rotation because he did not get enough height under his skates. It felt awful, and it probably looked horrible as well. The hall was mostly quiet apart from a couple of consolation claps after. 

Jongin knows he will most definitely be crying at the end of this skate, and for a different reason altogether from his short programme. 

He manages to squeeze in an unplanned triple toe loop towards the end. He is not sure if that will do much to help his scores, but at least he is really giving it all he can. And as expected, his celebration when the music cuts out is muted despite the resounding claps and cheers he still receives from the audience. 

He knows he had made a promise to be proud of himself no matter the results, but it is hard to ignore the regret he harbours. Jongin bows and makes his exit quickly so the next skater can come on.

Kyungsoo and Junmyeon, he is not sure when the latter had joined his Coach, are already engaged in a heated discussion when he steps off the ice and approaches them. When they spot him, Kyungsoo immediately asks him to take off his skates and hand them over to Junmyeon. 

_He knows _ , Jongin realises. _ Of course he would notice… and now he’s mad. _He hangs his head, thinking that Kyungsoo is mad at him.

“Let’s go,” Kyungsoo says in a curt voice, forcing the skater to follow after him to the kiss and cry quietly, akin to a puppy following after his owner with its tail between its legs after having done something wrong. 

“I’m—” 

The _ sorry _ is left unspoken when the other cuts him off and points at the many cameras trained on him while they await his scores. 

“Not now, Jongin.”

  
  


~

  
  


“You’re an idiot!” Kyungsoo doesn’t let up on his tirade of curses and scolding; he has not stopped since he started half an hour ago. Jongin just sighs and hides his face in his hands. “Why didn’t you tell me the second you knew something was wrong? I’m going to kill Beomsoo. This has his name written all over it!” 

“Please don’t be mad at me. I already feel bad enough,” he says in a quiet voice. 

This silences Kyungsoo at once. 

Worried at the lack of response, Jongin lifts his head off his hands and stares at the other questioningly. 

“I’m not mad at_ you _ ,” Kyungsoo says eventually, a gentle look now on his face as he wheels himself closer to where Jongin sits at the edge of his bed. “I’m mad at myself for not noticing earlier. If I paid more attention to you instead of turn a blind eye because I was busy being a _ coward _, I would have noticed. I would have stopped you from stepping onto the ice, or at least bargained for a delayed start. There’s no point ruining your future in the sport for this missed opportunity.” 

The Coach takes his hands in his and gives it a light squeeze. 

Jongin thinks his heart just about stops as well. 

“I’m also mad at Beomsoo because this _ is _ something he would do. I’ve fallen for his tricks before. I should have known something was up when you said you found your skates at a different location from where you left them.” Kyungsoo shakes his head. “Don’t worry though. Junmyeon has already submitted your case to the Board for investigations. We’ll check through surveillance and dig up any evidence that points towards sabotage. They’ll get what they deserve.” 

“Karma already hit them,” Jongin tries for a lighthearted chuckle. “Yongwoon fell not once but twice during his skate,” he points out. 

“Yes, so don’t worry about qualification. I have a good feeling about it.” Kyungsoo smiles, but the smile slides off his face when Jongin shifts his leg to get into a better position and winces. “Stop fidgeting!” he scolds and backs up. “Let me go get you a towel so we can get some ice on your ankle.” Junmyeon and Baekhyun had went to get a whole bag for them after Nationals had concluded. 

“Wait, I can get it,” Jongin offers, concerned that the other would not be able to maneuver around the room properly, but Kyungsoo shoots him down when he makes to stand. He somehow returns with a towel from the bathroom shortly and dumps a huge chunk of ice in it. 

“Put your leg here.” He taps on his lap. 

“What?” Jongin widens his eyes. 

“Put your leg on my lap.”

“I can ice it myself.” 

“Jongin—” and that is the only warning he gets before Kyungsoo takes the initiative to grab hold of his leg and move it to settle on his lap. “Don’t move,” the Coach murmurs, rolling up his sweatpants and placing the ice bag down gently. “Why didn’t you tell me you hurt your ankle before? Thank god Yixing said this is just a sprain.” 

“It just didn’t come up,” he replies. 

“I want you to tell me everything that concerns you and your well-being moving forward, okay?” 

There is a certain intimacy to being in this position, with the person you like tending to you with so much concentration and care. Jongin is pretty sure he is not the only one in the room who can feel the tension in the air. He leans closer and stares at the way Kyungsoo’s fringe fans over his forehead softly, drawing attention to those big lovely eyes. The other also has his lips drawn into a slight pout as he concentrates on applying the ice. 

Jongin positively melts. 

“Everything?” 

“Anything,” Kyungsoo hums absentmindedly. 

“Even matters of the heart?” 

“Matters of the heart? Why did you say it so cheesy like that? Well, if you’re—” The other falters when he looks up and finds Jongin’s face a mere hair length away from his, finishing weakly, “—comfortable enough, sure.” Jongin does not miss the way Kyungsoo gulps. 

This time, it is he who tells Kyungsoo not to move as he closes the distance between them. 

The other does not.   
  


~


	8. Chapter 8

“Excuse you two, there shall be no kissing in my office.” 

Kyungsoo and Jongin, whose heads were huddled close together as they review the latter’s training tapes on a small phone, spring apart at once. 

“We weren’t kissing!” Kyungsoo scowls at Yixing, while Jongin blushes and stays silent. 

“But you wish you were,” the doctor teases his friend and gestures for him to come forward. “Come here, I need to measure your blood pressure first.”

Kyungsoo chooses not to address the earlier statement, they both notice (and that makes Jongin blush harder). Instead, he says, “God, you sound more and more like Baekhyun every day.” Yixing merely laughs and adjusts the strap around his friend’s arm to start the device. 

“Well, he _ is _my boyfriend so…” 

_Boyfriend _ . Jongin lets out a dreamy sigh on the inside. _ How nice would it be to have someone to call your boyfriend? _He stares longingly at Kyungsoo who has his back turned to him, the other nodding along to whatever Yixing was saying and pointing out to him on his computer screen. Must be his care plan or something along those lines. 

Sadly, they don’t belong under that label. _ Yet. _

They’ve been hanging out a lot outside of training. _ Do they count as dates? _Jongin thinks back. In fact, Kyungsoo promised they could go watch the latest Marvel film after his rehabilitation session today. He honestly can’t wait. 

Not so much for Tom Holland in his fancy Spiderman suit, but for the chance to have some alone-time with Kyungsoo.

They’ve been kissing. _ A lot. _And not just on the lips too; cheeks, forehead, basically at every opportunity. Stealing kisses at the most random of timings — in between drills, while waiting for take-out and even just now when he had helped Kyungsoo get out of the car. The other had so casually pecked him on the lips after he helped carry him from the car seat to his wheelchair. Surely, a dark theatre is the perfect spot for sneaking in kisses. 

It all started that night after his free skate at Nationals — when he had taken the plunge and decided to confess his feelings for the other through a kiss. 

They didn’t speak much after the kiss because they just ended up kissing _ more _until all the ice in the bag Kyungsoo had pressed up against his ankle melted and the latter left for his own room, not without first making sure he got into bed fine. 

_Kisses. _Just thinking about Kyungsoo’s lips makes Jongin smile. He thinks kisses are a pretty couple thing to do, but every time he tries to swallow his courage and broach the subject, he withdraws for fear of spooking Kyungsoo. 

_“Will you officially be my boyfriend?” _

He cannot say it. He does not know how the other will react. Are they progressing too fast if they establish labels for their relationship? He also wants to be considerate for Chanyeol’s memory, although, thinking about it, he has not seen Kyungsoo wearing his rings around his neck for the longest time. 

“Earth to Jongin.”

Yixing’s voice pulls him from his reverie and he blushes when he spots Kyungsoo giving him a weird look from across the room. 

“What were you thinking about?” the latter asks when he wheels closer and moves around Jongin to get to this odd-looking machine “And why is your face so red?” 

_Kissing you, _he says in his head. Somehow, that unspoken admission makes him blush even harder. He thinks Yixing probably has a clue from the way the doctor is smirking to himself, but Kyungsoo is too occupied with trying to shift himself to sit on the machine to read too much into his behaviour. 

“N-Nothing much…” Jongin grabs onto Kyungsoo’s arm when his body tilts suddenly when his wheelchair slides back a couple of inches, center of gravity threatening to pull him down to the ground. He can feel the way the other tenses, almost as if he was already bracing for impact. “I got you,” he mutters reassuringly, wrapping an arm around the back of Kyungsoo’s knees and gently lifting him up so he can sit properly. “What is this thing?” Jongin furrows his brows and gives the big knob by Kyungsoo’s hip a curious poke. 

“I won’t even attempt to repeat the name Yixing told me earlier.” 

“It looks like a death trap,” he comments, before turning to ask Yixing with a frown, “Are you sure this is safe?” 

The doctor chuckles and strides over to them, arms laden with a bunch of wires and white patches. “Don’t worry, I won’t kill your precious Kyungsoo.” He ignores Jongin’s spluttering to flick a switch on the machine’s control. At once, a loud buzz fills the room and the backrest Kyungsoo was leaning on reclines to form a bed. “These are electrodes. I’m going to be attaching them to his spine to stimulate his nerves—” 

“Why are you getting naked?!” Jongin’s voice goes up several decibels when Kyungsoo flips around and starts to roll up his shirt. “Is this a normal occurrence? Do you take off your shirt whenever you come to visit Yixing?” he rushes out. 

“He just said he needs to hook me up to the machine.” Kyungsoo frowns. “Need I remind you that _ you’re _ the one who _ insisted _to come along today. You can leave if I’m making you uncomfortable.” 

_And let Yixing have all the viewing pleasure? _

“I think not!” he blurts out before clearing his throat, “I mean, I’m not uncomfortable… in any way. Carry on.” What if Yixing takes advantage of his absence and gets touchier with Kyungsoo? He shudders at the thought. He best be here to police their interactions. 

Once again, he ignores the weird look Kyungsoo gives him and shuffles closer to inspect how the doctor attaches the wires. He tries not to blush at the sight of milky skin, doing well to curb the temptation to touch it. 

“You should feel a slight tingle when I turn it on,” Yixing tells Kyungsoo. “Especially near your tailbone. It’s completely normal,” he reassures. “In fact, I’ll take it as a good sign.” 

“Okay, just get on with it already.” 

“Alright, relax,” the doctor chuckles. “I’m pacing the nerve prods at ten seconds intervals. Take a deep breath out.” 

Jongin pays attention to Kyungsoo’s face when Yixing taps on the controls to activate the electrodes he supposes. It looks like painful, and he has half a mind to step in at the first sign of discomfort even though he knows it would only hinder the treatment.

When he heard that Kyungsoo had scheduled an appointment this afternoon, he leapt at the chance to accompany his Coach, curiosity preceding his body’s protests for a rare day off. After all, this will be the first time he is free — no dance classes with Taemin scheduled, and no meetings or brand ambassador duties to fulfil with his commercial sponsors. He has heard stories of Kyungsoo’s rehabilitation process, and he wants to be there for him at least once. 

He was not so sure what he can expect to see. 

(It certainly was not teasing milky skin and dusty pink nipples, that is for sure.)

“You know, Jongin,” Yixing glances over at him, “it’s nice to have you here. He’s less whiny with you around.” 

“I’m never whiny,” Kyungsoo protests at once, but falls silent mere seconds later when they give him a pointed look. He is being pretty whiny now. 

“Well, I’m glad I could make it down this time around. Have always been curious about what you guys get up to at these sessions. I thought you give him shots too?”

“Kyungsoo completed his last dosage in the cycle a couple of weeks back. We’re moving on to an area of physical therapy now. I’m actually really hopeful and proud of his progress. Joohyun will tell you the same. She’s been helping me track his condition.” 

“Who’s Joohyun?” 

“That would be me!” They all turn around at the sudden appearance of a new, cheery voice. “So nice to finally meet you, Jongin. I’ve heard _ a lot _about you from Kyungsoo. I’m Joohyun, his psychologist and friend.” Jongin stares down at the hand offered to him, glances up at the bright smile on Joohyun’s face and shakes her hand firmly. 

_She is so pretty. Why is Kyungsoo always surrounded by pretty people? _He cries on the inside. 

“Only good things, I hope?” he tries for a laugh, but it only ends up sounding awkward. 

“Of course,_ of course _,” Joohyun replies, giving him a look of her own he cannot discern before she exchanges glances with Kyungsoo. The look of warning the latter gives her is clear as day, and Jongin can only stare on in confusion. 

_I am better off not knowing _, he tries to convince himself. 

“Now back to what you guys were talking about before my rude interruption.”

“I was just telling Jongin how proud I am of Kyungsoo’s progress,” Yixing says.

“Oh, yes! A year or two ago, he was talking about dying all the time and stubbornly refusing even to come in for his routine check-ups, much less let Yixing treat him.” Joohyun plops down on an empty seat and dodges the harmless swat Kyungsoo aims at her arm. “Look at him now, committing himself to physical therapy fortnightly and well on the way to recovery!” 

Somehow, Jongin gets the image of a grumpy-faced Kyungsoo being physically dragged to meet Joohyun and Yixing during the early days after the accident and he lets out a snort. They all turn to him, and he disguises a soft “_ sorry _” in a cough. 

“I wonder what changed his mind.” 

The pointed smile Yixing sends his way catches him by surprise. 

“Maybe he has a reason to live on now.” 

“What,” Jongin blinks dumbly. 

“You know, funnily enough, this all started when Kyungsoo started training you, Jongin,” Joohyun chimes in, exchanging looks with the doctor. “I wonder if it’s a coinci— _ OW! _” This time, Kyungsoo’s swat effectively makes contact with her knees and makes her shut up. 

“Are we done yet?” Kyungsoo asks impatiently, eyeing how Yixing removes the patches attached to his skin and switches off the machine. There is a slight blush on his face, Jongin notes, and he is avoiding eye contact with him for some reason. 

_Oh. OH! _Jongin blushes too. He thinks he gets what they were inferring now. 

Thankfully, Yixing lets them off easy when he helps Kyungsoo sit up and points to another machine in the room; the diversion very much appreciated as Jongin tries to cool down his cheeks. 

“Let’s get you on the soft cycle,” the doctor says as he walks back to his computer. Joohyun nudges Kyungsoo’s wheelchair closer so the said man can better reach for it, but the second he looks as if he is struggling to transfer himself over from the bed without falling because of the gap and height difference, he gets scooped up in strong arms. 

“I can get over there just fine on my own,” he protests at once. 

“I know that,” Jongin heaves him up higher in his arms and steps around the wheelchair, “Just let me do this for you.” Rather than watch Kyungsoo have a hard time, he prefers to step in for support. At his comment, the other falls silent and pliant until he gets set down again. 

This must be an exercise they do quite regularly during these hospital visits because Kyungsoo does not wait for further instructions from Yixing before strapping in his legs. With the new weight on the pedals, the machine kicks into motion. To strangers who are none the wiser, he looks just like he was cycling. The only difference being the snail speed, which Jongin understands from Joohyun is meant to quietly wake the sleeping muscles without making it too jarring.

“Can you feel anything yet?” he lays a tentative hand on one of Kyungsoo’s knees and looks at the other.

“A few tingles here and there. That’s it,” the other shrugs nonchalantly. “There really isn’t a better way to put it.” 

“But that’s good enough right? Slowly but surely…” 

“Indeed!” Yixing returns to their side. “I tell him that all the time. A few tingles here and there is already a positive sign of progress from when he first started treatment two years ago.” 

Jongin still remembers that day a long time back when he was trying to convince the other to be his Coach — when he had really gone to town with his harsh words, providing the other a cruel, but necessary, reality check. It was his attempt to talk some sense into the other to move on from the accident and get him to help himself. 

Much like his own skating journey, Kyungsoo has come a long way too he realises.

Jongin gives the other’s knee a gentle squeeze. He is proud of him, and no words can ever come close to express how he feels. 

He thinks Kyungsoo gets it though, because he gave him a small smile in return. 

His heart skips a beat. 

Later on, when Kyungsoo is taking a call at the side and Jongin is left waiting in front of the lift with Joohyun, the psychologist turns to him and pats him on the shoulder. 

“Thank you, Jongin.” 

“For what?” he asks. 

“Just… thank you,” she gives him a nonchalant shrug before stepping into the arriving lift. “Tell Soo I said bye. Enjoy your date!” The doors start to close before he can correct her or think too deeply into what she had said, instead he waves at her goodbye. 

_A date. _ He looks over at Kyungsoo and his lips curl up into a shy smile. _ Is this what it is? _

  
  


~

  
  


“That was a nice movie.”

“Are you sure?” Kyungsoo snorts and glances over at him. “Because I’m pretty sure you were staring at me for a large part of it.” 

Jongin flusters and, in his panic, tries to dodge behind one of the big potted plants lining the walkway. 

“I can still see you through the leaves, you know,” the other rolls his eyes and beckons at him. “Come on, let’s go grab some ice cream before heading home. I’m a little tired from the cycling earlier.”

Jongin is thankful that Kyungsoo does not pursue it. He abandons his hiding spot and skips towards the other at once. 

“Are you feeling faint?” he asks in concern.

“Just a little achy at the waist.” 

“That’s good, right? Yixing said body aches, especially near your lower body, just means your muscles are slowly waking up from slumber. You’ll be walking again in no time!”

Kyungsoo snorts. “I appreciate the positivity, Jongin, but he did say it will be another year or so, barring any complications.” They arrive in front of a Baskin Robbins and Jongin holds the bubblegum pink doors open for Kyungsoo. “Sometimes I forget that you just want me to quickly start walking again so you can use me to fulfil your dream of skating alongside your idol,” he teases. 

_That is part of the truth _, Jongin acknowledges. His own selfish intention of having Kyungsoo skate for him. But he says, “Well, I’m just the voice representing all your fans worldwide. Everyone wants to see you on the ice again, not just me.” 

“Welcome to Baskin Robbins!” the girl at the counter greets them, effectively stealing their attention. “What can I get you two gentlemen?” 

“Hi, can I get the single regular scoop in the flavour mint chocolate chip? Thanks.” 

“Ewww… mint?” 

“Do you have a problem with my ice cream preferences?” Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow at Jongin challengingly.

“What are you? 50?” he snorts, turning to the girl, “Cotton candy wonderland, please. Single regular scoop too.” 

“Are you 5 then?” Kyungsoo bites back. 

“No, I’m not,” he sticks out his tongue. “But speaking of 5 year-olds… do you remember Sehun? Well, he’s not quite 5 now, and he has shot up quite a bit in the height department. He’s been asking me when he can get to see his Kyungsoo hyung again.” 

“Yeah, I remember the kid. You’ve kept in touch with him?”

Jongin pauses to pay for their ice cream before following after Kyungsoo to one of the side booths. 

“Of course! Sehunnie’s my number one fan.”

He had stopped conducting lessons for the under-10s after he started training under Kyungsoo almost two years ago now, but he had made it a habit to meet up with his favourite student whenever he could squeeze out some time from his busy schedules. Unsurprisingly, they talk a lot about Kyungsoo whenever they meet. 

“He said he has a lot of my posters pasted in his bedroom,” Jongin boasts. 

Kyungsoo snorts. “Don’t kid yourself. I’m pretty sure he’s _ my _number one fan.” Jongin opens his mouth to protest but the other shushes him. 

He had wanted to correct him because Sehun wasn’t Kyungsoo’s number one fan. _ He _was. 

“You weren’t the one he was following after looking all star-struck.” 

“Oh, I thought you didn’t like him following you everywhere?” Jongin reminds. “Besides, that was before my debut. You should have seen his face when I met up with him a fortnight ago when you were at Yixing’s. Stars. Quite literally,” he exaggerates. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “There were stars in his eyes!” 

“You’re obviously delusional.” 

Their bickering that follows is childish at best, but Jongin can say he had fun hanging out with the other that afternoon. There were shy touches disguised as hits and plenty of laughter exchanged after they moved on to other topics. His heart even went into overdrive on a couple of occasions. If this was what a date with Kyungsoo felt like, he cannot wait for more. 

“You should invite Sehunnie to watch you at the Pyeongchang Olympics next year.” 

“That’s provided I qualify for it.” 

“At the rate you’re skating, I have no doubt you will,” Kyungsoo says. “Let’s just hope for no sudden surprises that can derail your chances.” 

“Yeah,” Jongin murmurs. He has already dealt with a sabotage incident and past injuries flaring up. He cannot imagine what other obstacles he will have to face.

  
  


~

  
  


**KIM JONGIN AND DOH KYUNGSOO SPOTTED OUT ON A DATE?**

Figure skating fans living around the Gangnam area couldn’t quite believe their luck yesterday when they spotted Doh Kyungsoo and Kim Jongin seemingly out on a date at an ice cream parlour. The pair seemed to be enjoying each other’s company a lot judging from their wide smiles and abundant laughter. A staff at the nearby CGV also confirmed they had watched a movie together. 

Is it true then that heartthrob Kim Jongin is off the market? And that he’s taken by, of all people, his Coach — former World and Olympic Champion, Doh Kyungsoo? More to come soon. 

[.JPG]

[.JPG]

**post response:**

**[+312][-193]**

**original post: ** **here**

[+157][-79] Am I the only one who thinks they look cute together? Jongin-sshi seemed so caring taking care of our Kyungsoo. I’m happy if they’re happy <3 

[+88][-12] I hardly think they’re on a date. Stop being delusional! Just because the two of them went to watch a movie together and got some ice cream after… they’re dating? If so, I’m dating a bunch of my friends then /rolls eyes/

[+119][-43] They’re practically holding hands in the last picture tho… NoT dAtIng. Yeah right… [.GIF] 

[+89][-91] So Kyungsoo has already moved on from Chanyeol huh? 

[+67][-42] Well, what do you expect… it’s been almost two years now, do you want him to be single forever? He deserves to find love again! Kyungsoo-yah… I support you with Kim Jongin! 

[+23][-11] I still think he looks more compatible with Chanyeol-sshi than Jongin-sshi. 

[+19][-10] Agree! That Jongin guy doesn’t look like he deserves to be with Kyungsoo. Maybe Kyungsoo is just taking pity on him, and that’s why he has him around? 

  
  


~

  
  


“Is this why you were so distracted during training earlier?” 

Jongin visibly startles and tries to hide his phone, but it is too late. The damage has already been done. 

“Are you really that free to read all those internet trash when your programme for the free is still a mess and you have a competition coming up?” 

He spins around and raises his hands to try and appease Kyungsoo’s anger, but the Coach is not having it. The latter jabs a finger at his chest to stop him from closing the distance between them. 

“I’m sorry, I won’t waste my time reading such articles next time,” Jongin pleads. “I couldn’t help it this time… they were writing about seeing us yesterday and comparing me to Chanyeol. I—”

“Oh Jongin,” Kyungsoo’s face softens and his hand slips downward to hold Jongin’s. “You’re not Chanyeol—” the Coach must have felt him tensing up for he rushes to clarify, “—you’re Jongin. Kim Jongin. And there’s no comparison because each of you are (or were) unique.” 

“B-But…” Jongin settles down on the bench again and tries not to make a big deal out of releasing his grip on Kyungsoo’s hand, but the way the other’s eyes dart down to their hands and then back up to meet his gaze tells him he was not being subtle enough. The truth is, he has always harboured this deep insecurity of not being good enough to be with Kyungsoo. He has not rushed to put a label to their relationship, but many a time, he cannot help but think why the other has not taken the initiative to ask if they were considered boyfriends was because he was never that into him in the first place. 

“How long will it take you to realise that you’re my present now?” 

And then Kyungsoo always goes to say such things and confuse him even more. 

“I’m sorry,” Jongin hangs his head. “I should be concentrating on my choreography. You’re right, the Cup of China is coming up in October.” 

He does not dare look the other in the eye now so he does not notice how the Coach opens his mouth, as if to say more on their earlier topic of discussion, but he ultimately holds back when Jongin shifts their attention to skating once more. 

“It’s the song, I think. I’m just not feeling it,” Jongin admits with a shrug. “Maybe I should go back to using the slow Jazz. We can slow down the choreography and spread the elements more. Perhaps even packing the two combination jumps in the second half for added points?” 

“No, we’re not using the Nat King Cole instrumental again,” Kyungsoo denies him at once. “You’ve overused that programme now. You need something fresh for the season ahead. Is the choreography too over-the-top? I can speak with Taemin to tone it down.”

“You know it’s not that, Kyungsoo.” 

The Coach lets out a deep sigh and drops his head in his hands. 

“I’ve been thinking… I need a song that fits me more,” Jongin says. “If I want to make a mark in my first year as a professional skater, I want to skate to something that holds a special meaning to me. Something like _ say _ the classicals — something that can allow me to portray grace and elegance, like in ballet.”

_Like a homage to my mother _, he thinks.

The silence between them balloons as they wreck their brains for a solution, until Kyungsoo pops his head up and levels Jongin with a gaze. 

“I know a song,” the Coach says slowly, hesitantly, eyes flitting across Jongin’s face as if to read his reaction the more he reveals. “It’s an original piano piece that I used to skate to, and I think it will fit you perfectly like a glove.” 

“Have I heard it before?” 

“Oh definitely.” 

He watches as Kyungsoo digs into his pocket and whips up his phone. 

“The more I think about your skating style, the more I go back to this song.” There is almost a dramatic pause before the other presses play. “Tell me what you think.” 

Jongin knows why Kyungsoo is staring at him so intensely, anticipating his reaction, now. His jaw drops the second he recognises the opening chords and he shakes his head. 

“N-No… I can’t take this song from you,” he stutters. 

It is Hope and Legacy — the very first song he saw Kyungsoo skate to, and more importantly, the song Chanyeol had composed for his then boyfriend as LOEY. It was also the last piece Kyungsoo had performed to before his accident. He gets what the other meant that this song will fit him perfectly. It can be his white swan moment. 

But he cannot have it. 

“This song means too much to you.” He stands and takes a step back. “I can’t take it from you.” 

“You’re not taking it from me, Jongin,” Kyungsoo says. “Yes, this song meant a lot to me, and now I want _ you _ to skate to it this season. I hope—” the Coach pauses for a short while to hold his stare “—this makes my intention clear.” 

_Does he mean to say I mean a lot to him too? _

Jongin glances away from Kyungsoo’s face to stare at the phone held in his hand. Hope and Legacy is still playing and he cannot help but visualise himself dancing to it on the ice. It represents their skating journey so well too — he the newcomer and epitome of hope, while Kyungsoo’s legacy will always remain indisputable. 

“Okay,” he whispers, repeating himself for a second time when Kyungsoo leans forward to hear him better. “I’ll skate to it.” He nods, almost surprising himself with how determined he sounded. 

“Great.” The smile that blooms on Kyungsoo’s face is blinding. 

“Shall I follow your exact routine?” 

“Let’s make some tweaks to make it uniquely you. I’ll get Taemin to come down for training tomorrow. We can go over ideas and piece together something.” 

“Sounds good,” he hums. 

“Thank you for agreeing to skate to it, Jongin,” Kyungsoo reaches out for his hand and gives it a squeeze. “We think you’ll do a beautiful job… better than I ever did.” 

Somehow, he thinks the other was not referring to Taemin when he had said we. 

  
  


~

  
  


“Can you please get your hands off him?” Kyungsoo grits his teeth. 

“Why?” Taemin smirks and makes a big show out of slapping Jongin’s hip. “Spread your legs, handsome.” 

Jongin hides his own smile and does as told, dropping to the floor to stretch his limbs. He is pretty sure the dancer is doing it on purpose now — the fleeting touches and unnecessary whispers in his ears, all to rile up the green-eyed monster in Kyungsoo. The air above them is charged with high tension, and that is probably why there is a wide perimeter around them in the practice room. 

Taemin has never once gone overboard with his skinship and he has not felt uncomfortable, so he lets the other continue with his antics. In fact, it is kind of fun watching Kyungsoo’s reaction. It warms his heart actually. 

“Okay, I think you’re done with stretching exercises!” Kyungsoo says in a shrill voice. “Taemin, I swear if I see you touch his butt one more time I will—” 

“You will what?” the dancer asks obnoxiously. 

Kyungsoo presses his lips together and lets the threat go unsaid. “Jongin! Go put on your skates now,” he chooses to divert their attention instead, snapping his fingers in the skater’s direction. 

“Are you jealous?” Taemin is stubborn enough not to let up on his teasing. “Just admit it already.” 

“I forgot I need to submit your programme sheet.” Before they can even point out that was the first thing they did upon arriving at the competition venue, Kyungsoo was already half-way across the room; his speed was pretty impressive. 

They burst into laughter. 

“He’s got it bad.”

“You think?” Jongin asks shyly. 

“I _ know _so. Are you sure you two aren’t already boyfriends?” Taemin throws him a sceptical look. 

His only answer is a shrug. He lifts his arms and stretches for the ceiling before glancing around the room. He can also hear the growing volume of cheers as more fans flood in to fill the hall. 

_How has time passed so fast? _ he ponders to himself. It seemed like just yesterday when he was called up to the National Team. Now he is at the Cup of China, about to make his debut on the world stage and, vying for a spot in the Olympics and the Grand Prix of Figure Skating Final. 

He knows he should be thankful for having the luck of the draw on his side when he was assigned to the Cup of China. “There are no notable big names here,” Kyungsoo had told him. “A podium finish will likely secure your qualification.” He cannot imagine having to skate at the NHK Trophy first. Baekhyun will be skating at the event next weekend, along with two other ranked skaters. Between the three of them, surely they will lock out the podium. Jongin is not worried about his friend though. He has utmost confidence Baekhyun will fare well, like he always does. 

Kyungsoo had hinted that this would be his best friend’s last season skating competitively. That comment just adds to the list of reasons why Jongin needs to reach the Grand Prix Final. He wants to skate against Baekhyun at least once before his retirement. 

“I think your phone is ringing,” Taemin’s voice cuts off his train of thoughts. 

“Thanks,” he mutters before digging into his duffel bag. 

It is Jongdae calling. He pauses for awhile to stare at his screen before swiping to accept the call. 

“Hi hyung.” 

“Hey Jongin, it’s been awhile huh?” 

Indeed, it has been some time since he last spoke to his brother, much less met up with him face-to-face. It is not that their relationship had soured to that extent though. It is just that they are both very busy people. Jongin knows the Ice Hockey Team recently came home from winter training in one of the Nordic countries. 

He hears a muffled voice talking to Jongdae in the background before his brother asks, “Where are you now?” 

“I’m in China,” he replies. “In Tianjin. I’m skating in another hour or so.” 

“Oh right… the Cup of China, wait, or is that another one.” 

Jongin hums in affirmation. He appreciates that Jongdae bothers to keep track of his news. 

“Well, I just called to wish you good luck for your first competition,” Jongdae says. The muffled voice in the background speaks again, but this time Jongin can almost make out who it is. _ Father? _He stares at his phone in surprise before quickly bringing it up to his ear again lest he misses something. He does not know for certain yet that it is him. 

But Jongdae confirms it not one second later when he sighs exasperatedly. “Okay, I’m done with this broken telephone shit. I’m putting you on loudspeaker. You can ask him yourself.” 

Jongin holds his breath. He sees Kyungsoo returning from the corner of his eyes, but he raises a finger to ask for more time when the Coach tells him it is his turn for on-ice warm-up. Kyungsoo turns to Taemin next, probably to enquire who was on the phone. 

“Hello?” Jongin says hesitantly. 

“Say something, Dad.” He hears Jongdae hissing into the receiver before a gruff “Hello” comes.

“H-How are you?” 

“I’m not dying yet,” his father says curtly. 

There is an ache in his chest and he looks at Kyungsoo when the other grabs hold of his hand to give it a comforting squeeze. He did not know his emotions were playing that obvious in his expression. Guilt. Hearing the elder’s voice again in a long time… He feels guilty for not checking in regularly on his father’s battle with cancer. 

“Was there something you wish to speak to me about?” 

“Are you going to the Olympics yet?” 

“If I do well this weekend and at my last qualifying round next month, I’ll probably get to skate at Pyeongchang.” 

He cannot quite believe that he is having this conversation with his father of all people — his biggest critic. The elder has not been the most supportive and present parent. 

“Will you come to watch me when I’m at the Olympics?” 

There is almost a silent plea behind his question. He has yet to gain validation from his father since he tore their relationship apart to embark on this path. He wants his father to see him skate _ at least _ once before he runs out of time. He is also almost certain the other would be on-site for the Ice Hockey matches anyway. 

“I might not be free.”

Of course. Jongin glances up at the ceiling and frantically blinks away the tears that have gathered in his eyes. He should have known that would be his answer. 

A rejection. It would always be a no. 

“I need to go,” he mutters into the phone. 

“Okay, good luck later!” Jongdae is the one who speaks next, and only then does he hang up. 

“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo asks the second he dumps his phone in his bag. “Your on-ice ends in ten minutes.” He sees Taemin hovering behind the Coach, also glancing at him anxiously. 

“I’m fine,” he says, slipping off his sneakers to put on his skates. “Let’s not waste any more time.” 

At least he finds some comfort in the light smile Kyungsoo gives him. 

  
  


~

  
  


“So… I placed first in the short programme. Doesn’t that warrant some sort of prize?” 

Kyungsoo lets out a soft sigh and turns around on the bed. At this close distance, Jongin can count the number of eyelashes framing the most beautiful set of eyes he has ever seen. He blushes and averts his gaze at once. Although, his attention shifts to Kyungsoo’s lips next and that does not help his cause. At all. 

He should really thank the National Skating Academy and this hotel for screwing up their accommodations reservations. When will he ever get the chance to share a Queen size bed with Kyungsoo again? 

“What are you up to, Jongin?” the other deadpans. 

“Have you heard of the 5 languages of love?” When the silence between them gets too much, he clears his throat. “Well, I took the quiz last week and guess what my primary and secondary love languages are? Physical touch and words of affirmation.” He emphasises. He knows he is really going out on a limb to invoke some kind of response from Kyungsoo here. He would not have to resort to this if they were already boyfriends. 

Well, if given the opportunity to be this close to the other, he might as well take full advantage of it right? 

“I’m not having sex with you now, Jongin. Your free skate is the next day.” 

“W-What?” He chokes on his spit and gives Kyungsoo an incredulous look. “What gives you the impression that I’m asking you for sex? I’m innocent, okay?” 

The raised eyebrow the other gives him tells him he does not quite believe him. 

_Okay _… maybe he was thinking about making out with Kyungsoo under the covers, and that could lead to even more action. He admits that. But clearly that will not happen now. He wonders what even tempted him to ask for a kiss. Perhaps he had a brief brain fart. 

“Forget it,” he pouts. “Let’s just go to sl—” 

His words get cut off abruptly when Kyungsoo suddenly leans forward to press his lips against his. Although insistent in the way he nudges his lips apart for a fuller contact, the other feels soft against him. Jongin positively melts. He wraps an arm around Kyungsoo’s waist and drags him closer before sliding his hand up to cup his cheek. 

It is nice to just do nothing but lay in bed and kiss the person you are in love with, Jongin thinks. 

“How’s that for a prize?” Kyungsoo murmurs against his lips after they break apart a minute later. 

“So worth it. I think I just found heaven,” he giggles, which in turn causes the other to laugh. “Kiss me again.” 

And Kyungsoo does. Once, twice, and more than they can keep count of. 

Even though he can think of a much better prize, he keeps mum in order to enjoy the present — if this undefined relationship is the best the other can give him now, it is enough. 

  
  


~

  
  


**January 2018. **

  


“Jongin-sshi, can you tell us how you feel right now? You’re about to skate your free skate in the Grand Prix of Figure Skating Final alongside many experienced skaters. Are you nervous? Excited? I’m sure this is the make it or break it moment for you.” 

Jongin stares down at the microphone thrust in front of his face and looks up at the blinking red light on the camera trained on him. He gulps nervously, sensing his own panic rising. He has done media interviews before, but this is on a whole other scale altogether. To his side, he has both Baekhyun and Yerim also fielding questions from reporters. 

An encouraging prod on his lower back courtesy of Kyungsoo is what jump-starts his brain. 

“I’m a little nervous,” he replies in a squeaky voice before clearing his throat. He knows his future self will never let him live that moment down. “But I’m also very excited to be here. This stage is something I’ve always dreamed of — I told myself I wanted to skate alongside Baekhyun, and look where I am now! I’m very lucky. I trained very hard for today so I hope everyone will like my performance later. Please anticipate it.” He proceeds to give an awkward bow to the camera. 

“Now you and I both know a good showing here will guarantee you a spot in the Olympics in February. How much of that pressure is playing on your mind right now?” 

“I’m just telling myself to focus on today,” Jongin says. “Of course we all know the Olympics and the World Championships are coming up. I just want to skate my best at every opportunity I have. Friday night went well for me and I was able to pull off my routine without any mistakes. Whatever the result is after tonight, I think I can be proud of my first season regardless. 

“Yes, I believe all your fans will be really proud of you regardless,” the reporter gives him an encouraging nod before reciting off his notes, “One last question for you… I want to hear more about your backstory. I understand you were previously in the National Ice Hockey Team with your brother? 

“That’s right,” he clears his throat. “It wasn’t an easy switch to figure skating for me. As we all know, these are two sports that seem similar but are actually quite different in reality. I struggled on my own for a really long time before I had the privilege to train under Kyungsoo and the Academy. Without his guidance and showing of faith, I wouldn’t be standing in front of you today.” 

At this, the reporter shifts the microphone to the said man. “Now Kyungsoo-sshi, are you able to share with us some of your thoughts? Of course you’ve been at the Grand Prix Final plenty of times back when you were still skating. Does the atmosphere feel different now as a Coach? How is Jongin’s condition today?” 

Jongin tunes out Kyungsoo’s reply to glance around the media centre. 

He is in Canada. 

The last time he was in Vancouver, he was donning a different pair of skates. What a journey it has been since. 

Given the temporary respite from attending to media, he pulls out his phone from his pockets to send across text messages to both Jongdae and his father to tell them that he will be on in about an hour. It should be morning already in Korea; they should be awake. 

He is hoping they are not still asleep or too busy to tune in to watch him. He had deliberated long and hard about contacting the elder directly, but he figured he had nothing to lose except face (and face is something he would gladly compromise on if that meant he could finally hear his father telling him that he is proud of him.) 

While he waits for a reply he does not know if he will get, he feels a sharp pain in his chest before it subsides as quickly as it comes, leaving behind only a slight ache. _ What was that? _ Jongin frowns and smooths over the area above his heart. 

“Nervous?” Baekhyun’s sudden voice in his ear startles him, although he quickly recovers and gives the other a tight smile. Maybe the other is right — it could just be his nerves playing with him. He brushes any other thoughts away. “I’ll finally get to watch in the flesh someone skating to Hope and Legacy again huh? That was a masterpiece deserving of more appreciation and runs Kyungsoo ever did.” 

Somehow, Baekhyun’s comment adds to his nerves even though it would not be the first time he skates to the song — he had done it back at the Cup of China and Skate America. Perhaps it is because the stakes are much higher now; he is competing with experienced skaters of a different caliber than what he’s used to. And this is _ Baekhyun _ talking to him — the current best of the best. 

“But I’m not skating to Kyungsoo’s exact routine,” he clarifies. 

“Regardless, I’m quite sure I’ll also enjoy your rendition of Hope and Legacy, Jongin,” the other is quick to reassure him, waving a dismissive hand in front of him as if to chase away his worries. “And so will the crowd.” 

Jongin finds that Baekhyun is right a little later when he sticks his landing on a triple axel right in time with the music and the appreciative roar of the crowd brings a surge of energy to the fore, driving him to keep up the beautiful display. 

He has not fallen once, albeit his programme is considered slightly on the safer side with his three quads compared to the rest. But the amount of artistry such a song demands is truly right up his alley, and he highly doubts anyone else would be able to emulate his performance. He hopes Kyungsoo thinks he is doing a good job too. His word is the one that matters the most, to be honest. 

Speaking of Kyungsoo, Jongin had noticed that the Coach was not in his usual place by the gate. Instead, Taemin stands in his place. But he pushes the thought to the back of his mind as he blitzes through a complicated step sequence before rounding the rink and using his momentum to execute a hydroblading move. 

He is almost at the end now. 

Eventually, the piano chords quiet to plain silence when he makes a stunningly musical and delicate transition into a camel spin with an arabian jump entry before executing a sit spin with change of foot. The silence was short-lived as the hall explodes into loud cheers and the audience gave him a standing ovation when he pumps his fists in the air after coming out of the spin. The adrenaline still coursing through his veins is making it really difficult for him to come down from the high. 

Does he want to come down from the high though? 

The rain of flower bouquets and toys on the ice is an unexpected sight given that the majority in the audience are fans of other, more experienced skaters, but it is not unwelcomed. It makes Jongin smile giddily as he inches off the ice after bowing to the crowd. 

“You were amazing out there, Jongin!” Taemin yells into his ear the second after he puts on his blade covers and steps off the ice to give the choreographer a tight hug. “I’m so proud of you. Let’s go get your scores first.”

“Where’s Kyungsoo?” he pants, turning his head back to look for the other despite Taemin wrapping an arm around his waist and guiding him towards the Kiss and Cry. _ Did he even watch my performance? _Jongin frowns. He wonders what must have happened for Kyungsoo to skip his free skate. Surely it is something of importance and urgency if it warranted his absence? The thought pulls him down from the clouds a little. 

They pass a stretching Baekhyun on the way, and the other skater pauses to give him a hug. 

“You did really well, Jongin. Skated _ beautifully _. That’s a podium finish, surely.”

“You think?” 

“Yeah, unless the judges are blind,” Baekhyun chuckles and gives his lower back an encouraging nudge forward. “Now go on and get your scores. I’ll see you later.” 

“I’ll contact you after your skate,” Jongin nods and waves a hand behind him as he is led away. “Good luck! You’ll rock it, like always!” 

The second they settle on the couch, Taemin hands over a jacket and a bottle of water. “Kyungsoo had to take an urgent call,” he says. “Don’t worry, he’ll be back soon.” Noting the many cameras currently trained on them to capture their reactions to his score, the choreographer nudges him to smile for the viewers. 

Jongin straightens up from a bow he was giving to one of the cameras when he hears the announcer asking for his skate scores over the PA system. Eyes trained on the huge digital scoreboard hanging over the ice where some of his jumps were currently being replayed, he holds his breath in anticipation. Taemin was gripping his forearm so tightly, but he barely notices. 

What comes next is the collective roar of the crowd followed by the visual confirmation of his huge score with his own eyes. He cannot believe it. He broke 200 with this free skate. It is not quite the world record, in fact it is quite far from it, but it is a new personal best; it completely annihilates his old score he had just set last month in Las Vegas. 

“Oh my goodness. Congratulations!” Taemin squeals and turns to hug him. “You’re in 1st place!” 

_For now _, Jongin thinks. But he cannot stop smiling as he jumped to his feet and gives everyone a grateful deep bow. He knows they still have Baekhyun and two other skaters who have been in the scene longer than him coming up, but it is true he has a high chance of landing the podium. Even if he does not, he cannot be mad. He knows he had given his all at this competition. He has no regrets. Surely this will be the platform that launches him towards future success. 

“Let’s go,” he says. He cannot wait to find Kyungsoo and tell him his score. 

They gather their belongings and leave the Kiss and Cry as the hall prepares for the next skater to take the ice. 

But it is Kyungsoo who first finds them and calls out to them in the holding room. 

While at first tempted to lunge at the other and give him a hug, Jongin slows to a halt at how broken Kyungsoo sounded saying his name. The somber mood of the Coach is enough to wipe the bright smile off his face. 

Kyungsoo gulps and glances down, almost as if he is afraid to meet his eyes. A chill wrecks through Jongin’s body then — almost a warning of what is to come. 

“Jongin, I’m sorry. Your father—” 

And that is all he had to say really. Jongin chokes on his sharp intake of air and takes a short step back. 

  
  


~

  
  


Kyungsoo gives him a week off for the funeral and to sort out his feelings. 

In the scheme of things, that is quite a generous break given that the Olympics is just right around the corner. 

That is, if Jongin still wants to skate at the Olympics. 

He had secured a spot alongside Baekhyun, but he is not in the right state of mind currently to be dedicating all his time to prepare for the big day. He knows Jongdae is facing the same dilemma, however the other’s role as Captain of the Ice Hockey Team is too heavy a responsibility to let go off at this stage so he is almost certain his brother will go to Pyeongchang.

“Come on, you need to eat something.” 

Jongin barely registers the light tug on his hand before he follows after Kyungsoo like in auto-pilot mode. 

After the initial shock had faded, his inner walls had naturally closed in on himself and he had descended into a state of silence. He had not expected to feel this way given their distant relationship these past years, but still he grieved for his father — he grieved in regret and he grieved for the loss. 

Being all the way on the other side of the world when it had happened meant it took him some time to make his way home to say his goodbyes.

The prize presentation ceremony was all a blur to him. He barely remembers receiving his medal, all the congratulatory handshakes that came after that, and the noise of the crowd muted to a soft murmur in the background. Thankfully, he had Baekhyun up there with him on the podium to help him go through the motions. Kyungsoo must have told the other skater what happened after his free skate. 

Winning third place in his maiden Grand Prix of Figure Skating Final was no mean feat, but it meant close to nothing in the wake of the news. His father was not watching him skate, despite how much he wished for it. And now the elder will _ never _get to watch him skate again. Every time he wraps his mind around that thought, he finds his heart aching. 

He was never good with goodbyes. 

Jongdae is not faring any better. Jongin looks up when Kyungsoo tells him to take a seat and finds himself right across his brother in the small food hall. He understands it was Jongdae who had first raised the alarm; it was he who had first discovered that their father had died in his sleep. The shadows beneath Jongdae’s eyes and unruly hair tell of the nightmares his brother must have had reliving the moment he walked in to their father’s room to wake him up.

“You two better finish up this bowl of soup before I force it down your throat,” Minseok, who is seated beside Jongdae, propping his boyfriend up by the shoulder, threatens softly. “We still have afternoon prayers to go through later. You need food in your body.” 

At the lack of response, Kyungsoo nudges Jongin and forces a spoon into his hand. But before he can touch the soup a plain white envelope appears in his line of sight.

“Here.” He glances up at Jongdae’s outstretched arm. “I wasn’t sure what would be a good time to give this to you so… I might as well give it to you now before I forget,” his brother says. 

“What’s this?” he asks. Although, he thinks he probably did not need to. His name on the envelope, written in his father’s familiar handwriting, is staring him right in the face. 

“We found this in his bedside drawer,” it is Minseok who answers, wrapping an arm around Jongdae’s shoulder and giving it a light squeeze. “You should read it.” 

He does not want to. First of all, he is afraid of its content. 

Jongin sighs. “Whatever he has to say to me, he should have said it to me in person. It’s too late now.” 

“Some things are harder to say face-to-face. You know it, Jongin,” Kyungsoo says gently. “It’s fine. You can read it later when you’re alone, if that makes you more comfortable.” 

But he does not think he would be able to read the letter his father left him without the other’s comforting presence beside him, so he lets out another sigh and takes it from Jongdae. 

“Son, I wasn’t going to watch you skate again today but I did and I thought you did a good job—” Jongin cuts himself off and goes back to reread the first line again. He is stunned into silence. _ I wasn’t going to watch you skate again but I did… _Jongin holds his breath and glances over at Kyungsoo when the other grabs hold of his hand. 

He had not even noticed he was trembling. 

_Son, _

_I wasn’t going to watch you skate again today, but I did, and I thought you did a good job. Your fall was pretty bad, but it doesn’t matter because the rest fell too. I liked that you were smiling a lot on ice. You didn’t do a lot of that when you were training under me, and I guess I’m the one to blame for that. _

_It’s hard for me to say this, but if I have the chance to in the future, I want to tell you that I’m sorry. I’m not a good father. When I learned that you wanted to try figure skating. I rejected you outright because I was afraid you would be taken from me like how they took your mother. But look where we are now… I still lost you anyway. _

_I hope you get to be at the Olympics next year. Your brother tells me you have a chance. It would be such an honor to compete in our home country. I hope I’ll still have sufficient time left to watch you. I don’t feel good recently. Skate well and get a good result there. I’ll be proud of you, always. _

_Now that I’ve written all these, I’m not even sure if I’ll send you this letter. Maybe I’ll tear this up tomorrow, or maybe someone will give it to you after I draw my last breath… maybe then I’ll finally have the courage to tell you that I miss you, son. I’m sorry for not being the father you needed me to be. _

_I love you, our beautiful white swan. I always did. _

  


The date written at the top right meant his father had written this letter after watching his Skate America performance where he had placed second. 

“He did watch me skate then?” he chokes out in between sobs as Kyungsoo rubs his back to console him. The letter flutters down to the table and Jongdae picks it up, eyes quickly scanning through its contents. 

“Caught him tuning in to MBCSports in his room after we ended the call we had with you when you were in China.” Jongin looks up at his brother in surprise. “He watched all your performance ever since. I guess it was just his pride that didn’t allow him to tell you what he felt before today,” the latter says. 

He blinks rapidly to chase his tears away, but to no avail. They just keep coming like the multitude of emotions coursing through his body now. 

His father had watched him skate after all. All these time he had thought wrong. 

Jongin had already won over and proven himself to his father. All these time he had thought otherwise. 

He throws himself into Kyungsoo’s inviting hug and cries into the other’s neck. He feels so bad now. All these years thinking that the elder did not care; all the hatred and negative energy. When did his father start caring? Was it from the time he visited the hospital when they first found out about his cancer? Was it only recently? 

It does not really matter, does it?

To think his father’s aversion of his skating dream was born only out of the fear of losing him like his mother. 

Jongin comes to the realisation that he has partial blame for failing to mend their relationship in time. He was the one who kept clinging onto their fallout in the past to use it as motivation to fuel his skating dream and prove his father wrong, when he really should be looking from a wider perspective. Maybe he would have noticed all their missed opportunities to reunite earlier. 

After he has calmed down somewhat, he removes himself from his hiding place at Kyungsoo’s neck, although he is tempted to stay put because he does not want the other to stop stroking his head. 

“Here, drink it while it’s still hot.” 

Kyungsoo blows on a spoonful of soup gently and lifts it to his mouth, eyes darting up to give him an encouraging look. Jongin indulges him, but his severely blocked nose means he can barely differentiate what he was drinking with plain water. 

Before the other can feed him again, the soft ring of a phone signaled an incoming call. The spoon Kyungsoo is holding onto hovers in mid-air so Jongin takes the initiative to lean forward and help himself to it as the other picks up the call. 

He spots Yixing’s name on the phone before Kyungsoo lifts it up to his ear. The doctor had come to pay his respects to his father with Baekhyun last night. He appreciates them carving out some time because he knows how busy their schedules are. 

“Hello, Yixing?” Kyungsoo murmurs. “No, I don’t think I’ll be coming in today,” he says after a short pause, eyes darting up to look at Jongin. 

The latter frowns at once. 

“Yeah, I think I’ll just stay here with Jongin,” Kyungsoo hums at whatever the doctor says after that before concluding the call with a “Thanks for understanding, Xing.” 

“Did you have rehab scheduled today?” Jongin asks the other the second he pockets his phone. 

“Yes, but it doesn’t matter. I’ll just go when I have some time next week.” 

“It matters, Kyungsoo. Rehab _ is _important. You can’t just break your routine like that. Call Yixing back and tell him you’re on the way.” 

“You’re important too,” Kyungsoo retorts. “I’m staying here with you.” 

“I can handle myself just fine,” Jongin huffs despite his heart warming at the other’s comment. “You’ll be gone for only _ what _two or three hours?” 

Thankfully, Minseok cuts in just when it seemed like this will escalate into an argument. 

“Jongin’s right, Kyungsoo. You should go for your rehab. We’ll still be here after you’re done. Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of these two.”

Kyungsoo still shoots Jongin an uncertain look after. “You’re okay, really?” he double-checks.

“Yeah, I’m gradually feeling better every second,” he reassures. And he’s speaking the truth. After reading his father’s letter, Jongin has more or less come to terms with what he has to do moving forward. He wants to make it up his father somehow. He is determined.

_I hope you get to be at the Olympics next year… Skate well and get a good result there. I’ll be proud of you, always. _

There is no point in wallowing in the past. He had learned that the hard way. 

“Do well in rehab and come back soon. I’m expecting positive feedback from Yixing again. Got it?” 

Eventually, Kyungsoo takes his leave after Jongin leans down to peck his cheek. 

“It’s impossible you two aren’t dating yet with the way you look at each other.” 

He chooses not to address Minseok’s comment and watches Kyungsoo until he disappears from sight. He does not know what to say anyway. 

  
  


~


	9. Chapter 9

“Kyungsoo hyung!” 

An excited ball of energy in the form of Sehun lunges at Kyungsoo the second security lets him and his mother through. The boy was dressed in colours reminiscent to the National Flag — it is obvious who he is here for — and he looks adorable, especially when he smiles and they see a huge gap in his upper row of teeth. 

Jongin lets his waiting arms drop and he scowls. 

“I miss you so much! Why didn’t you come see me?” 

“I’m sorry, Sehunnie,” Kyungsoo gives Sehun an apologetic small pout and picks him up to sit sideways on his lap. “I’ll make time to see you more often, okay?” he placates. 

The seven-year old gasps and stares at the Coach with wide eyes. 

“You remember my name?”

“Of course! Didn’t you say you were my number one fan?” Kyungsoo breaks out into a wide grin when Sehun squeals in excitement and throws his short arms around his neck, squeezing him into a hug. 

“Excuse me?” Jongin gives them both a flabbergasted look. “I didn’t know stealing of fans were allowed. He’s here for me! I’m the one competing today, and I’m the one who invited you to come cheer me on. Shouldn’t you be focusing on me, Sehun-ah?” 

The boy has the audacity to stick his tongue out at him before burying his face in Kyungsoo’s neck once again. Jongin’s eyelid twitches and he reserves the urge to commit a grave crime against a child, albeit a naughty and disloyal one. It is the laughter contributed by Sehun’s mother and Kyungsoo that draws his attention away, sparing the young one of an early death (just kidding). 

“Sehun wanted to come and say good luck to you,” Mrs Oh gives him a smile. “We don’t want to disturb your warm-up any more than we already have. Good luck out there! Let’s go, Hunnie.” 

Despite his mother’s words, the boy seems reluctant to release his hold on Kyungsoo; clearly unsatisfied with the little time they had together. 

“Don’t worry,” the latter pinches Sehun’s cheeks reassuringly. “Maybe we can go out for dinner later after your Jongin hyung finishes skating?” If he was not in a petty mood, Jongin would surely have found the sight of Kyungsoo interacting with the young boy cute. But alas. 

He was petty, through and through.

“It’s okay, we don’t want to intrude,” Mrs Oh quickly cuts in, but the Coach puts her concerns to bed with a kind smile. 

Jongin lets out a dramatic sigh when Kyungsoo kisses Sehun on the cheek before depositing the boy down on his feet. He has not gotten his daily dose of Kyungsoo’s kisses himself; he cannot believe he is both jealous and envious of a seven-year old. 

Thankfully, a short-of-breath official appears at their side just then. “Oh, there you guys are! I’ve been looking all over,” she says, placing a hand on her hip. “They are asking you to report to the holding area already.” 

“Alright,” Kyungsoo nods. “Guess you can finish up your stretches there,” he tells Jongin. 

Taking the cue, Sehun’s mother retreats and bows at them, tugging on her son’s arm gently. “We’ll go to our seats now,” she says. “Say goodbye to your hyungs, Hunnie.” 

Jongin positively melts and all his previous sulking disappears when the boy breaks free of his mother’s hold and rushes up to give his legs a hug. “Good luck, hyung,” Sehun peeks up at him through his bangs and gives him a cheeky smile; it was obvious that the boy had intentionally kept him waiting, leaving it to the last second to wish him well. Perhaps he enjoyed getting a stir out of him. The tease. 

Nonetheless, Jongin lets out a loud coo and pats Sehun on the head. “Thanks, squirt!” 

What happens next is all a whirlwind in his mind as he waves his guests goodbye and follows after Seulgi and Kyungsoo to the holding area. Baekhyun and Junmyeon are talking and gesturing at each other animatedly at the other end of the room when they arrive, but Jongin pays them no mind to center himself on the gravity of the occasion. Determination settling on his face the second he walked through those doors, he starts to get into the motion of pre-skate prep. 

Half-way through his stationary jumps practice, he sees Taemin declining calls for media interviews on his behalf, probably with instructions from Kyungsoo. Jongin returns the smile he spots on the Coach’s face through the mirrors, appreciative of the more time it affords him, and retreats back into his inner zone. 

He knows he is in prime condition today as he sticks another landing flawlessly. He is well-rested. His muscles are not feeling lead-heavy and his left ankle is not posing a problem. His mind is also clear; he is well and truly prepared for the biggest skate of his life yet — both physically and mentally. 

“Alright, that’s enough.” Kyungsoo stops him awhile later, right before he starts on another run-through. “Don’t overexert yourself. I’ll give you two some time to talk. I’ll be back when it’s time for you to hit the ice.” 

_You two?_

Jongin perks up when he turns around to meet Jongdae’s gaze. 

“Hyung?” His mouth falls open in surprise, not having expected to see his brother today. “What are you doing here?” 

“What do you think?” Jongdae comes up to give him a hug, one he returns tightly. “I’m here to cheer for you, of course. Minseok came with me but he had to pee. It’s been some time since I was last at a figure skating competition.” 

“Oh right, I forgot what a big Kyungsoo fanboy you were in the past,” he teases. 

“Shut up,” the other groans and helps him adjust his sleeves. “You look really good in baby blue and diamonds.” 

Jongin accepts the compliment with a smile. He watches as Jongdae looks around, taking in the surrounding buzz and nervous energy in the air. Through the thick curtains at the end of the room, they can almost make out the large crowd in the stands, each fan cheering for their own favourite. 

“This is something else, that’s for sure,” his brother lets out a low whistle. 

He hums in acknowledgment. 

“I don’t think our match against France tomorrow will see such a turnout.” 

He looks up at Jongdae’s pause, only to find the other already looking at him and giving him a warm look. “I’m so proud of you, Jongin… of how far you’ve come. You actually made it to the Olympics yourself—” 

“Not by myself,” he quickly corrects. He owes his journey to Kyungsoo and all who have put their faith in him. 

“Nonetheless, we’re _ all _ still so proud,” his brother gives him an encouraging pat on the shoulder. “I know father would have wanted to be here.” 

Jongin looks down at his feet and whispers, “I know.” 

From the number of times he has read the letter their father left him, words already committed to memory, _ he knows. _He wishes the elder could be here too. He admits he misses him. 

“You don’t seem nervous,” Jongdae observes. 

“I’m too excited and determined to skate to let what nerves I have bother me.” 

And that admission is what makes all the difference today from his past performances. 

This time, Jongin skates with more heart; he skates with reason.

Instead of only his mother, he also holds the memory of his father dearly and _ shines _.

_They’re watching me now, right? _Jongin thinks to himself mid-way through his programme as he launches himself off his back inside edge into a quad salchow, arms extended above him as he reached for the stars; for them. 

If only for a second when he hovers in the air, he feels he will always have a lifetime with them in memory. The crowd roars in appreciation.

~

_This is nice _, Jongin thinks to himself as he lays in the middle of the ice and stares up at the empty hall. The Gala Exhibition has long ended and even the echoes of the dancing music and crowd cheering have faded with the conclusion of the figure skating event at Pyeongchang. 

He does not know how long he has been in his spot, but from how wet his entire back is from touching the ice, he gathers it cannot be shorter than an hour. He wonders if Kyungsoo has realised by now his excuse to use the bathroom was a lie. He had snuck out in between the toast to Baekhyun and a drunken Junmyeon trying to take over the karaoke machine, just like old times. 

“You there in the center of the rink…”

Speaking of whom. 

Jongin quirked his lips as the only sign of acknowledgement that he had heard the voice calling for him, choosing to remain silent ultimately. Strangely, this reminds him of a long time ago — when he had been the one in Kyungsoo’s position, calling for his attention in their family rink.

“Ya. Kim Jongin.” 

He rests his arms over his eyes in blatant disregard.

“Don’t make me go over there,” Kyungsoo warns. 

He hides his smile. There is no way the other can get to him with his wheelchair. 

But he should know never to underestimate the heart of a champion.

Jongin jolts up in alarm when he hears a soft thud and Kyungsoo muttering a curse. 

“What in the world—” he whirls around to check, afraid the other has done something stupid like got out of his wheelchair and attempted to crawl to him, hurting himself in the process.

What he sees stuns him to silence. 

Because Kyungsoo is standing, _ barely _. 

From the way the veins in his neck seem to be popping, he knows the other is straining to hold up most of his weight using only his arms. His wheelchair is left at an odd angle by the gate, and Jongin figures the thud he had heard before was it knocking against the walls. 

“I think I need to go on a diet or work out more,” Kyungsoo chuckles dryly before reaching for his crutch. After he is certain his legs won’t slide out under him, he digs the metal pick fixed on the bottom of the crutch into the ice. “Yixing’s invention,” he says by way of explanation, probably noticing the incredulous look on Jongin’s face.

The second the other lets go of the walls completely to lean onto the crutch, Jongin almost has a heart attack.

“What are you doing?!” he yells and snaps out of his surprise, rushing up to him at once. Both his arms are already extended out, ready to catch him if he falls. “You’ll hurt yourself!” 

Jongin still can’t wrap his mind around the fact that Kyungsoo is _ on his feet _. 

He spots the wobble even before Kyungsoo mutters, “Oh _ fuck _, catch me”, and he dives forward as the other’s legs give out under him. They land on the ice heavily and he lets out a battered “oof”, having absorbed both their weight as he hugged Kyungsoo to his chest protectively.

“I think I see stars.” 

“Me?” the other supplies cheekily, shifting himself so his face appears above Jongin’s. 

He groans. 

They fall into a comfortable silence after that, neither willing to be the first to disrupt their peace. 

Eventually, Jongin raises his hand to Kyungsoo’s face and runs his fingers through the other’s hair. He smiles when the other leans into his touch. “You’re walking now?” he whispers, still in disbelief. “I didn’t know you have progressed so much.” 

Kyungsoo snorts. “I’m _ standing _,” he corrects. “My new record is three seconds unassisted. Yixing and Joohyun reckon I’ll be able to take my first step next week,” he says proudly.

And he should be proud of his achievement, indeed.

“I want to be there when you do,” Jongin declares. There is no way he is missing the monumental moment. 

“But I really wanted to surprise you by taking my first step today. Guess I overestimated myself,” Kyungsoo sighs defeatedly.

“Why the rush? You shouldn’t be pushing yourself unnecessarily,” he scolds, worry marring his eyebrows. 

“Well, you said your dream was to skate alongside me one day. I figured you worked really hard to be at the Olympics so I wanted to work hard for you too. If only you knew the number of times I went to Yixing’s clinic after hours to—” 

Jongin’s heart swells and he silences Kyungsoo the only way he knows how — with a kiss. Soft and sweet. He pours all his emotions into the kiss and tugs on the other’s bottom lip to get him to open up. Gratitude and love. He hopes his feelings are not lost in translation. 

“Why would you do all this just to satisfy my dream?” he whispers when they break apart. 

“Don’t you get it?” Kyungsoo gives him a soft look. “I told you before that you mean a lot to me. I’ll do anything to make you happy, Jongin.” Even without him explicitly saying the three words, eight letters, Jongin gets it. 

He breaks out into a wide smile and shifts them to sit up. “Come on.” Kyungsoo gasps when Jongin hauls him up by his armpits and asks him to lean his weight on him. “Don’t worry, I got you. You don’t need the crutch.” The skater kicks the equipment out of the way. 

“Jongin!” Kyungsoo squeals when he kicks off and moves them towards the center of the ice. “I’m going to fall.” 

“You won’t fall. Trust me.” He hooks the other’s arms over his shoulders and chuckles at the scared look on his face. It is rare to see Kyungsoo like this. “Just wrap your arms around my neck and hold on. I’ll keep you up on your feet.” 

“What are you doing?” At least the firm arms wrapped around his waist are reassuring, Kyungsoo finds. 

“We’re skating,” Jongin says, and they share a smile. “_ Together _.” 

The experience is slightly different from what he had imagined back then. He is doing all the heavy lifting — holding Kyungsoo up and dragging him across the surface. Although the sight is probably funny to onlookers, albeit there are none at the moment, it is nice basking in this happy moment.

“I just had a funny thought of us skating doubles.” 

Jongin bursts into laughter at Kyungsoo’s comment. 

“I can throw you in the air if you want.” 

“Don’t you dare—” the other shrieks when Jongin makes to let go of his waist, hands desperately tightening their hold on his neck and hair. 

“Ow oww, okay… I’m sorry I said that!” 

They skid occasionally at the lack of grip on his shoes, but Jongin always makes sure to keep them up. And he vows to continue to do so, even when the day arrives that the other does not need his help to walk anymore. 

Glancing down at Kyungsoo’s face, at the happiness evident in his eyes as he _ ‘skates’ _ again after a long time (he must have really missed it as a lone tear trickles down his cheek), Jongin comes to the realisation that he loves Kyungsoo. 

No, he is certainly very much still _ in love _ with the other.

He grinds his heel down and brings them to a slow stop. 

“What’s the matter?” Kyungsoo glances around curiously before looking him in the eyes. “Jongin?”

He cannot wait anymore. He has to ask, even if only for the sake of confirming something he already knows.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you this for the longest time…” he starts off nervously. Kyungsoo waits patiently for him to continue, but there is no denying there is an underlying worry in his eyes at what Jongin is about to say. “W-Will you—” Jongin slaps himself, and the other’s eyes widen. _ Get a grip, _ he urges mentally. “Will you be my boyfriend, Soo?” he rushes out eventually and pinches his eyes shut, anxiously awaiting the other’s reply. 

He does not know why he is still clinging onto labels when their relationship already transcends the definition of just friends. Maybe he just wants to make it official, and there is nothing wrong with that, he thinks.

The sharp punch he receives on his arm is probably well-deserved. 

“You scared me!” Kyungsoo scowls and hits him on the chest this time. “I thought you had something bad to say and that’s why you were acting all panicky all of a sudden. Don’t you ever scare me like that again!”

“So will you, Soo?” he adjusts his grip on the other and nervously peeked up at him from under his fringe. “Just answer the question already,” he whines. 

“Oh Jongin, you silly boy.” 

Kyungsoo is right. He is being silly for demanding something he already has.

He might not have won the Olympics.

He might not have won the gold medal.

But he thinks he has gained the biggest win in his life when Kyungsoo tugs his head down so he can slot their lips together and tell him “_Yes. _You already have my heart, my boyfriend. Why can't you see that?”

Jongin laughs giddily before dipping down to indulge in Kyungsoo's love once more. 

Yes, he sees it now.

Together, they are golden.

~

_ The End._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You made it to the end! I’m truly sorry about Chanyeol :/ Hope you enjoyed at least some parts of the fic? If not, I apologise! ;; I'm still not satisfied with it, and I don't think I will ever be so /oh wells/ Feel free to share any feedback you have in the comments below and I will reply to you after reveals! <3 Before I go, watch this beautiful world record skate by Yuzuru Hanyu that inspired the name of this fic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLnWD7i99-w&feature=youtu.be


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